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Tuesday 11 December 2012

When Updates are worse than what they are replacing.


One of the most common complaints amongst internet users is that the updates which are supposed to make lif more easy are actually ruining it and making people want to kill themselves or Mark Zuckerberg or Steve Jobs if he wasn't already dead from cancer. Some people actually believe that Steve Jobs cancer was caused by an inferior product update, although no scientific proof linking the two has been found as of yet.



Dead because of a faulty update?

One of the main concerns about product updates is that they are actually taking a step back. I have personal experience of this, although I don't like to complain about them, unlike the people who like to complain about Facebook's Timeline. The level of paranoia that people often like to display who complain about Facbooks timeline feature after manifests itself with copy/pasted legal speak where they are expected to be attacked in someway by Facebook.

*PRIVACY NOTICE: Warning--any person and/or institution and/or Agent and/or Agency of any governmental structure including but not limited to the United States Federal Government also using or monitoring/using this website or any of its associated websites, you do NOT have my permission to utilize any of my profile information nor any of the content contained herein including, but not limited to... my photos, and/ or the comments made about my photo`s or any other "picture" art posted on my profile. You are hereby notified that you are strictly prohibited from disclosing, copying, distributing, disseminating, or taking any other action against me with regard to this profile and the contents herein. The foregoing prohibitions also apply to your employee(s), agent(s), student(s) or any personnel under your direction or control. The contents of this profile are private and legally privileged and confidential information, and the violation of my personal privacy is punishable by law. UCC 1-103 1-308 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED WITHOUT PREJUDICE It is recommended that other members post a similar notice to this or you may copy and paste this one. Thank you. This is now a publicly traded site, Protect Yourself!

This of course, is absolute tosh:
a) If Facebook wants to use your photo's, it will because you have submitted them to its website.
b) Facebook has about 650 million users, this means that statisticlally you are about 30 times less likely to have your photo's hijacked by Mark Zuckerberg than of winning the lottery, and 150 times less likely to be struck by lightning, 75 times less likely to be struck by lightning twice, about the same odds as waking up and it was all a dream and that you are actually a dog on a sofa in a 3 bedroom house in Basildon, Essex.

But, I digress, back to my own and very real problems. The other day I downloaded an update for microsoft word, it promised me an easier life, more features and above all, happiness. When the upload had completed I restarted my computer and it transformed into a pen and a piece of paper.



Similarly, my Macafee anti virus had expired and needed updating, I paid the annual subscription, hit the download updates button and waited patiently for my newer, sheenier anti virus definitions. I awaited the protection and comfort that I have come to expect from a solid and trusted name like Macafee. Once the download was completed, I clicked on the icon expecting not only virus protection, but happiness, the future and a better life. What I found was a Columbo style supersleuth mystery, in which a multimillionairre man wrongly accused of the murder of his next door neighbour, tried to uncover the murderer whilst clearing his name.



It was riviting, but it was not what I paid for. At least the updated version of microsoft word which turned my laptop into a pen and a piece of paper was able to serve its purpous, this was just a pulp novel, part 'The Fugitive, Part 'Murder She Wrote'.

I wrote an E-mail to John Macafee to complain that his product was not as good as it had previously been, it was really elequently written, full of long flowery words and lots of emotive language, just like an E-mail complaint should be. All I got back was an automated E-mail excaliming that John Macafee couldnt respond to my correspondance because he was currently on the run from the Belizian authorities. Then it occured to me, John Macafee hadn't even bothered to compose a fictional piece of writing but had just written down his own experiences to replace with his anti virus protection, this was just laziness, and for that reason, I shall not be using Macafee again but will be switching to Norton.