tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82389120790690633372024-03-13T14:49:12.636+00:00manmachine201's uneasy guide to life.Writing Rongs since 2003manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.comBlogger151125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-63150027862207552212014-07-22T22:58:00.001+01:002014-07-22T22:58:46.517+01:00UKIP's anonymous eggs.<br />
There has been a tendency from UKIP to attempt to shut down their critics. as in <a href="http://www.politics.co.uk/news/2014/05/13/ukip-arrest-people-who-call-us-fascists">here</a>, <a href="http://athousandflowers.net/2014/05/14/ukips-guide-to-freedom-of-speech-cops-censors-and-skinheads/">here,</a> <a href="http://news.fitzrovia.org.uk/2014/05/17/rally-to-oppose-scapegoating-of-immigrants-is-threatened-with-legal-action/">here</a>, and <a href="http://www.crawleynews.co.uk/Crawley-Ukip-councillor-rejects-Tory-criticisms/story-20652536-detail/story.html">here.</a> (That is funny because the last story is about a flight attendant and they say that when they are showing people the fire exits...)<br />
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<img src="http://newsoundrevolution.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/flight-attendant-exits.jpg" height="320" width="213" /><br />
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like that.<br />
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However, the threat of legal action is not the only weapon in UKIP's arsenal of weaponry and weapons and other weapons to use against it's critics. 'What is this weapon, and why did you unnecessarily repeat the word weapon' I hear you ask? Well, I shall tell you, at the very least about the first question you asked if not the second, because I don't really have an answer to that. <br />
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More increasingly, people who heckle, troll or simply say things that UKIP members may not agree with, are coming under venomous attacks from this man here...<br />
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<img src="http://gigaom2.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/twitteregg.jpg" height="280" width="420" /><br />
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Having verbally attacked Nigel Farrage in response to a tweet which I found offensive, I found myself coming under a barrage of verbal abuse.<br />
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It even spread as far as this very webpage, when someone wrote in the comments section: "<span style="color: red;"><strong>Hey, look after your one and only fan, King Blogger lol, read some of it. Don't give up your day job Dumb and Dumber</strong></span>". <br />
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Being that my ego is so fragile, I cried for days when I found out about it, I'm only just coming to terms with it now, however, I do take comfort in one small detail. The page he left a comment on is 3 years old. when he said he: ..."read some of it..." He actually read 100 blog posts before leaving a comment. Here is where I lie awake at night wondering where I went wrong, trying to get into the head of the unknown UKIP supporter who heckled me with the heartbreaking insult 'Dumb and Dumber', which up until that point had been one of my favourite films.<br />
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<img src="http://www.thepoke.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/gravity_forms/9-d711d0956a5379b35f18fa72a495d76a/2014/05/dumb_ukip-691x1024.jpg" height="320" width="215" /><br />
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He probably read 'Orientalism and thought, 'short and sweet, a promising start, maybe I had been too hard on him when I was bombarding him with repetitive and nonsensical twitter abuse.'<br />
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What can Thatcher's death tell us about what class we are? Really good work! definitely going to subscribe to his blog now! This man is a genius!<br />
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He read on...<br />
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Kim Jong Wut? HILARIOUS! It takes the mickey out of foreigners! It's excellent, 10 out of 10 This man should win the Pullitzer Prize!<br />
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Is there a Gods: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAARGH!!! it pluralized GODS when it didn't need to, brilliant.<br />
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<img height="203" src="https://flutterhead.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/2qqqq.jpg" width="320" /><br />
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This goes on for some time. Yet after about the 99th blog post he read, something had changed. He was no longer happy with the irreverent brand of (admittedly quite old) current affairs, dick jokes and racism. He suddenly realized that all the racism, xenophobia, rampant sexism and anti semitism was ironic. there he was stranded in cyberspace like David Bowman in the sci-fi film 2001- A Space Odyssey, except he was at home, in his pants, on his laptop instead of inside Arthur C Clarke's mind orbiting Jupiter and a giant monolith. <br />
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If I was clever, I would somehow draw a comparison between Clarke's monolith and the monolithic presence of UKIP, threatening and growing like some sort of cancer. But I'm not that clever or deep so I'll just show you this pic of a cleverly placed shot of Farage with an unfortunately placed microphone to make him look like HITLER!!! LOLZ!!!<br />
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<img height="320" src="https://theeveningharold.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/nigel-farage-hitler.jpg" width="293" /><br />
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HEE HEE!<br />
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So, far be it from me to be the bigger man, I left this comment directly underneath it. <br />
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<strong><span style="color: red;">^This man is sexually aroused by goats, but not ones from the EU</span></strong>^, in essence, heckling the heckler, hunting the hunter, eye for an eye, fighting fire with fire. Then I came across the the graphic beneath this text, which made me feel a little bit sad, like I had let myself down.<br />
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<img src="http://quotepixel.com/images/quotes/motivational/famous-motivational-quotes_16664-3.png" height="385" width="355" /><br />
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...So I went back and I deleted the comment.<br />
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Then I thought, hang on, I don't know who Abigail Van Buren is, so why the fuck should I listen to her. So I retyped the comment. after all. You have to break a few eggs to make an Omelette. *Sorry, I couldn't help it.*manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-27978602014569329512013-04-23T20:01:00.005+01:002013-04-23T20:01:43.550+01:00Orientalism.<br />
I think that the main reason that the west dislikes the east so much is because they are so different to us... I mean, lets have a look at this persons facebook 'likes' on their TV section... they might as well be an alien compared to the average british person...<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-eZxL65SzrkI/UXbaXtyHXMI/AAAAAAAAAN8/uBjoOuRMRYU/s1600/jihad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-eZxL65SzrkI/UXbaXtyHXMI/AAAAAAAAAN8/uBjoOuRMRYU/s400/jihad.jpg" width="388" /></a></div>
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Fucking Aliens,<em> </em>I tell you.</div>
manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-69615854859018465772013-04-08T16:30:00.001+01:002013-04-08T16:30:47.387+01:00What Can Thatchers Death Tell Us About What Class We Are?<br />
Recently, one of the most shared items on the BBC website has been the class calculator, it asks questions like: "Do you work in a mine?" and, "When was the last time you ate caviar?" or "How well do you know the Queen?"<br />
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<a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-22000973">http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-22000973</a><br />
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Obviously, people are enraged that they have fallen into the middle class category instead of their beloved working class, others are upset that they are not considered the landed gentry, and instead have fallen into the middle class category. Everyone seems to be middle class but no one wants to be.<br />
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As the world comes to terms with the news of Baroness Thatchers death, emotions are running high; never, has a British leader polarised public opinion so much. Some see her as a trailblazer of feminism, as the first female British Prime minister. Others see her as a harlot who paved the way for the privatisation of all things British, a woman who masterminded a class war against her own people, a woman who declared war over 40square miles of farmland to try to revitalised her waining popularity. <br />
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I'm obviously going to steer well clear of the politics because I don't really know anything about that sort of thing. BUT I am going to offer the people who were upset by the results of the BBC class calculator an alternative class calculating system, and you don't even need a calculator, you just need a twitter account and a basic understanding of the 5 times table.<br />
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<a data-ved="0CAUQjRw" href="http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=6M4He6kAkZHWJM&tbnid=i2QwKaq8_W_tnM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.math-help-multiplication-tables.com%2F5-times-table-chart.html&ei=R8liUbyDBIi20QW7n4HoBg&bvm=bv.44770516,d.d2k&psig=AFQjCNFni0DftSLBlyYTCXFaAR3eRHWQsg&ust=1365514921671902" id="irc_mil" style="border: 0px currentColor;"><img height="320" id="irc_mi" src="http://www.math-help-multiplication-tables.com/images/5X-chart-print.jpg" style="margin-top: 0px;" width="261" /></a><br />
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All you need to do is to log into your twitter account and look at 20 items on your feed.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jGM2cvP0JCo/UWLRwkyc0oI/AAAAAAAAAM0/r93RkbgHRuk/s1600/thatcher1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="87" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jGM2cvP0JCo/UWLRwkyc0oI/AAAAAAAAAM0/r93RkbgHRuk/s400/thatcher1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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This is an example of a lower middle class tweet; Anti-Thatcher with a bit of humour, something that the working classes don't really have the time or the mental capacity to work up down to them being all tired from working in the mines. <br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-J61ajNgU9wA/UWLTg7OOJZI/AAAAAAAAANE/CnjumHs5AQY/s1600/thatcher+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="87" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-J61ajNgU9wA/UWLTg7OOJZI/AAAAAAAAANE/CnjumHs5AQY/s400/thatcher+2.jpg" width="400" /><br />
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This one is decidedly working class, mainly because this is the kind of joke that gets told after a hard day sweeping chimneys in the Weatherspoons, or the kind of pubs that puts down sawdust and hosts Karaoke and illegal bare knuckle boxing. The joke itself only works when being spoken, seeing as the joke's set up is in the ambiguity as to whether the word 'fucked' is metaphorical or literal, this ambiguity is lost when @_______ demystifies the joke by using the word miners (ie: people who work in mines) which has a different meaning to the word 'minors' (ie: children) Ultimately the joke doesn't work, much in the same way that the working classes don't work, because they all just claim benefits and stuff.</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-D6fiRFRIIBw/UWLW7rZFKFI/AAAAAAAAANM/3cPq-Qw7Hzc/s1600/thatcher3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><br /></div>
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-D6fiRFRIIBw/UWLW7rZFKFI/AAAAAAAAANM/3cPq-Qw7Hzc/s1600/thatcher3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="71" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-D6fiRFRIIBw/UWLW7rZFKFI/AAAAAAAAANM/3cPq-Qw7Hzc/s400/thatcher3.jpg" width="400" /><br />
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This is the middle middle class, sympathising with the working classes but desperate not to want to upset the upper class in the hope that one day he will break the glass ceiling. The fact that he veers more towards the working class view betrays his own deep seated knowledge that he will never be accepted by the aristocracy.</div>
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We are now reaching the upper echelons of the class system, this tweet doesn't acknowledge the negative legacy of the Iron Lady, he simply uses it as an opportunity to attack the left. Welcome to the upper middle class, people.</div>
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If your news feed is full of these kind of Thatcher comments then it is likely that you live on a 50 acre estate in Chipping Norton, live on fois gras and brussel sprouts and other posh food that you can't get in Iceland (the shop, not the country, obvs!) The upper class, landed gentry, whatever you want to call the 1% see Thatcher completely differently to the working classes, middle classes and all the other subclasses in between. Fortunately for Thatcher, these are the people who control the present, they are the people who write history, so for all the thousands of negative remarks about Thatcher, the voices that will be heard in the echelons of time will be people like Cameron and Ian Duncan Smith.</div>
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Anyway. All this is starting to sound an awful lot like commentary, I could have been mistaken for taking a position at that point WHICH I DON'T! I just want to help you guys calculate your class without having to resort to the horrid vile liberal conspirators, the BBC Class Calculator... so, here goes.</div>
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<strong><u>FINDING OUT YOUR CLASS:</u></strong></div>
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Pick 20 Thatcher tweets in your news feed, each one of them represents 5% (please refer to the 5xTable left for you, if this confuses you) if a tweet has a spelling mistake, that falls into working class, if it is witty and slagging off Thatcher, then it's lower middle class, if it's all solemn but still critical of her then it is middle middle class, if it is simply using the event to slag off 'the left' then it is upper middle class. If it is a load of tearstained wank about losing the greatest leader of our generation then it is upper class.</div>
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<strong><u>EXAMPLES:</u></strong></div>
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you may find that your final tally looks something like this.</div>
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Working Class: 65%</div>
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Lower Middle Class:20%</div>
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Middle Middle Class: 10%</div>
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Upper Middle Class: 10%</div>
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Upper Class: 10%</div>
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If that is the case, you've got it wrong, you have ended up with 115% which is more than you should have counted, this means that you cannot follow simple instructions or do basic maths. You are definitely working class, now get down the job centre you Dole Scrounge!</div>
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Working Class: 30%</div>
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Lower Middle Class: 45%</div>
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Middle Middle Class: 20%</div>
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Upper Middle Class: 5%</div>
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Upper Class: 0%</div>
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With this percentage, you are definitely lower middle class, you probably like Frankie Boyle because he is being ironic.</div>
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Working Class: 0%</div>
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Lower Middle Class: 0%</div>
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Middle Middle Class: 0%</div>
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Upper Middle Class: 0%</div>
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Upper Class: 100%</div>
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If it looks like this the chances are you are going to be middle middle class, all desperate to join the elite few and doing everything you can to try to join the ranks of the Elite. you are a fucking class traitor and you sicken me. Just kidding, nothing wrong with a bit of ambition ;)</div>
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So anyway, with tensions running high and people arguing over the legacy of Thatcher, what better way to defuse the situation than to kill a bit of time working out what class you are? </div>
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Isn't that what modern politics is all about? knowing your place?</div>
manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-26495506450698828342013-04-04T12:01:00.002+01:002013-04-04T12:10:40.417+01:00Kim Jong wut?<br />
With the threat of Thermonuclear war at its most potent since the Cuban Missile Crisis, there is a lot of stuff to talk about. North Korea have officially declared that they will go to war with the US in the next few days; all of this is worrying and leads us to ask the question: what is going on in Kim Jong Un's head?<br />
<a data-ved="0CAUQjRw" href="http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=DBFY4mQ6jLa9fM&tbnid=yXaQRjmE9ySWkM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fworldnews.nbcnews.com%2F_news%2F2013%2F04%2F02%2F17571557-how-do-you-solve-a-problem-like-north-korea-three-viewpoints%3Flite&ei=9VFdUcTOF7ST0QX0_4CYAg&bvm=bv.44770516,d.d2k&psig=AFQjCNGTBznAZqpsISfMWYZ-pWPnUYrIdQ&ust=1365156706019013" id="irc_mil" style="border: 0px currentColor;"><img height="303" id="irc_mi" src="http://msnbcmedia.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Components/Photo/_new/130402-kim-jong-un-2p.380;380;7;70;0.jpg" style="margin-top: 63px;" width="380" /></a><br />
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Judging by this picture, Un is a man who likes to sit at desks, accompanied by the military, looking at pieces of paper. Surely he is harmless?<br />
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Well, thanks to detailed analysis from camp201, we can reveal that there is a darker side to Un. <br />
Un is one of several brothers and sisters, Kim Jong Anne Kim Jong In, Kim Jong Out, Kim Jong Do The OkeyKoki And You Turn Around and Kim Jong That's What It's All About. As the oldest of his siblings, he has inhereted the title of his father, star of Team America, Gone With the Wind and Training Day, Kim Jong Il.<br />
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Il was a long seving ruler of the military jaunta controlling North Korea and managed to maintain power for 15 years, throughout his rule he was promoted several times from the Chairman of the Communist Party, to Leader, to Supreme Leader and then took the position of God of the North Korean Communists. Un has a lot to live up to and that could explain the reason for his recent extreme rhetoric.<br />
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<a data-ved="0CAUQjRw" href="http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=Jmuq3PTJYFMZLM&tbnid=P9h_jBEPjInc0M:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.heraldsun.com.au%2Fnews%2Fvictoria%2Fplayboy-lived-it-up-thanks-to-propaganda%2Fstory-e6frf7lf-1226226207438&ei=eVRdUYPRPIqK0AWl84CoCQ&bvm=bv.44770516,d.d2k&psig=AFQjCNH5M08yzjXR-fHBVer5B4pKE7z5Tg&ust=1365157358699546" id="irc_mil" style="border: 0px currentColor;"><img height="225" id="irc_mi" src="http://resources1.news.com.au/images/2011/12/19/1226226/209709-kim-jong-il.jpg" style="margin-top: 31px;" width="400" /></a><br />
<br />
Hurro!<br />
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Because journalist access to North Korea is extremely limited, we can't get too much information about the new leader who is threatening a thermonuclear attack on the worlds biggest military superpower... But from Sources in North Korea, we can determine this:<br />
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His favourite sport is Basketball and is a fan of the Chicago Bulls. Would he really launch a nuclear attack on his beloved Chicago bulls?<br />
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He is obsessed with Eric Clapton. Would he really launch a thermonuclear attack on his beloved Eric Clapton?<br />
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He is pro Nuclear weapons. Would he really launch a thermonuclear attack thus reducing his stock pile of nuclear weapons. by reducing his stockpile of nuclear weapons, he would probably be seen by some hardliners as bowing to international pressure.<br />
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<a data-ved="0CAUQjRw" href="http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=Jo86UJCALU2gEM&tbnid=Z7lFsFEwNRRHLM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.veteranstoday.com%2F2011%2F04%2F22%2Ffukushima-2000-atomic-bombs%2Fnuclear-explosion%2F&ei=KlxdUYD_L-md0QXWkYHICQ&bvm=bv.44770516,d.d2k&psig=AFQjCNHLrzdOlRz1Pd2BKLz0G0djjU1dSw&ust=1365159326678167" id="irc_mil" style="border: 0px currentColor;"><img height="320" id="irc_mi" src="http://www.veteranstoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Nuclear-explosion.jpg" style="margin-top: 0px;" width="295" /></a><br />
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Because if you have 50 nuclear missiles and you fire one at a country, you will only have 49, thus reducing your armoury and that is why I said that this would be seen by hardliners as bowing to international pressure, because there is international pressure on North Korea to reduce their nuclear arsenal. It was kind of a joke that wasn't all that funny so I explained it to try to make this a little bit funnier, but I think that might have failed too so I suppose I will have to resort to just posting a picture of a penis riding a nuclear bomb as if it were a horse (The bomb, is a horse, not the penis.)<br />
<a data-ved="0CAUQjRw" href="http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=A1fDI_Wt83HHqM&tbnid=wI1scknR7T8JEM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Flup-3nd.deviantart.com%2Fart%2FOli-Sykes-139453811&ei=BV1dUf-fEKWX0QXjuIHgDA&bvm=bv.44770516,d.d2k&psig=AFQjCNEDOlqenN5pYqEaim142Y5WzAOAFg&ust=1365159550497563" id="irc_mil" style="border: 0px currentColor;"><img height="313" id="irc_mi" src="http://th01.deviantart.net/fs51/150/f/2009/278/d/3/Superbad_Dick_Drawing_1_by_LUP_3ND.png" style="margin-top: 123px;" width="320" /></a><br />
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So that's three things I've written about Kim Jong Un without really knowing very much about him.<br />
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What else could I do to blag this blog and make myself sound like I know what I am talking about? Oh yeah, I asked what was inside his head at the start.<br />
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Thanks to advanced US technology, we managed to get several images of what is inside Kim Jong Un's head.<br />
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<a data-ved="0CAUQjRw" href="http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=_Mc7PtqSi8qXoM&tbnid=SyNTBkz1GC5N_M:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.123rf.com%2Fphoto_16490182_brain-x-ray-scan-film.html&ei=81hdUaryM7DY0QX754GwCw&bvm=bv.44770516,d.d2k&psig=AFQjCNEhXmG2Py1YgWyybM_9ceKHG-aO4g&ust=1365158478694879" id="irc_mil" style="border: 0px currentColor;"><img height="315" id="irc_mi" src="http://us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/prapass/prapass1211/prapass121100017/16490182-brain-x-ray-scan-film.jpg" style="margin-top: 0px;" width="400" /></a><br />
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It turns out that Un's head is pretty much exactly like everyone elses so that was a bit of a dead end, so I might move on to some possible scenarios that will unfold in the next few days.<br />
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Scenario 1: North Korea will say some more things. "We are ready to launch a merciless assault on the imperialist US, we are actually doing it now by saying these words, that's right! a verbal assault!"<br />
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Scenario 2: North Korea will issue a statement telling us that their declaration of war against the US was an April Fools stunt gone horribly wrong, not least because it played out past the ettiquite deadline of the April fools prank which is midday April 1st.<br />
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Scenario 3: North Korea will inexplicably fall into the sea in a strange Deus Ex Machina which will save the world from impending nuclear war. (Take That, Roland Emerich!)<br />
<a data-ved="0CAUQjRw" href="http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=7v3Y7zqd6xPmnM&tbnid=Zy9kVTYmvgGKXM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fcollider.com%2Findependence-day-2-3-sequels-roland-emmerich%2F&ei=ylpdUYGKAqab0wXKnICoDA&bvm=bv.44770516,d.d2k&psig=AFQjCNGj-x0bc-JLL5o9x4QxNdA28Z_6uQ&ust=1365158979332911" id="irc_mil" style="border: 0px currentColor;"><img height="300" id="irc_mi" src="http://collider.com/wp-content/uploads/independence-day-movie-image-2.jpg" style="margin-top: 64px;" width="450" /></a><br />
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There are lots of other things that can happen of course, but when it comes down to it, humanity is just a very advanced form of bacteria clinging to a rock hurtling through space at hundreds of thousands of miles an hour, so even if nuclear armageddon occured tomorrow, (or the day after tomorrow... see what I did there?) it would be of little consequence in terms of the fundamental workings of the universe. <br />
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And besides, there are bigger questions that need to be looked at in this situation, like: doesn't he look funny? Why haven't I compared him to Psy, singer of world wide smash Gangnam Style? and why didn't I have a poke at the fact that Koreans eat dogs? <br />
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These are not just the failings of international diplomacy, but my failings as well.<br />
<br />
manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-51902282207558081382013-03-19T22:21:00.001+00:002013-03-19T22:21:19.335+00:00Is there a gods?<br />
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Generally, films struggle to fuck things, but any films about ethno-musicologists are physically capable according to Wikipedia. As is the fact that Jim Bowen was elected Pope, the other day.</div>
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<a href="http://db2.stb.s-msn.com/i/76/CADC741521D541E3BB74297BDE8D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://db2.stb.s-msn.com/i/76/CADC741521D541E3BB74297BDE8D.jpg" /><br />
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<br />
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</a>In a world where Wikipedia is proof and where anything without proof is without value, I have to come to terms with the fact that although Jim Bowen is the new Pope, the God that he serves does not exist.<br />
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<a data-ved="0CAUQjRw" href="http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=v3zZtUFAJPICeM&tbnid=GA_7R-5uqJWksM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fiplot.typepad.com%2Fiplot%2F2009%2F01%2Fantigod-campaign-proves-divine-marketing.html&ei=icRIUY_LN-yT0QX61oCYDQ&bvm=bv.43828540,d.d2k&psig=AFQjCNE1GQIN2x0XJ5CIgtW5yXDCYQvpKA&ust=1363809772092197" id="irc_mil" style="border: 0px currentColor;"><img height="267" id="irc_mi" src="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSySNhNqVMShhQ78shU4ouNlGJyILsqdmDRzKbgvq7-3DWrbV6O" style="margin-top: 0px;" width="400" /></a><br />
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In the big debacle that rages between Atheists and Believers on a daily basis, one of the most valued weapons of the Atheist is this: There is no proof that God exists and as such I don't believe that God exists. <br />
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Personally, I find the burden of proof a little bit of a red herring. If a tree falls down in a forest and no one is around to hear it then it is a fallen tree and noise and stuff or whatever the philosophical question answer type thing is. <br />
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There are hundreds of gods, that isn't me confirming the existence of gods, perish the thought. I would be taken to task by the Dawkinites for creating all the wars and perpetrating racism, slavery, the spread of disease, only it isnt actually religion that does this... it is humans that do. There is a lot of evidence that will back this up. <br />
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<a data-ved="0CAUQjRw" href="http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=fQHB5Z4Cl820KM&tbnid=TBSQM1qAP_e4UM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spiritland.net%2Ffamily_Martin.htm&ei=6MlIUb-pL-So0QW2-4HgCg&bvm=bv.43828540,d.d2k&psig=AFQjCNGF4bdS0R2-D35--tIqvVME6I6hrw&ust=1363811133887466" id="irc_mil" style="border: 0px currentColor;"><img height="311" id="irc_mi" src="http://media.salemwebnetwork.com/worshiphousemedia/resource/images/main/s/mm/tvp/mm/debunked1theresnoevidenceforgod.jpg" style="margin-top: 59px;" width="415" /></a><br />
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But there is evidence that all of the bad things done by humans are done by humans.<br />
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The next line of argument here is that all of the bad things done by humans have been done in the name of religion... there is evidence to suggest this.<br />
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<a data-ved="0CAUQjRw" href="http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=OZKlUd24A9xDpM&tbnid=ITYowPWAVpGr5M:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.atheistmemebase.com%2F2012%2F05%2F08%2Fhitlers-beliefs%2F&ei=EctIUd_YDrSN0wWSoYDgDQ&bvm=bv.43828540,d.d2k&psig=AFQjCNFgoSH1q7bEePFPFS12EE3SLv77qg&ust=1363811456429229" id="irc_mil" style="border: 0px currentColor;"><img height="352" id="irc_mi" src="http://www.atheistmemebase.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/085-HItlers-beliefs.jpg" style="margin-top: 38px;" width="490" /></a><br />
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This is the main evidence that Atheists go for.<br />
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By doing this they neglect the fact that Stalin was an Atheist and killed twice as many people.<br />
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<a data-ved="0CAUQjRw" href="http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=kZA2nyOOwwxGjM&tbnid=RgWCfpizTOIRKM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nairaland.com%2F1206362%2Fadvice-atheists-thread%2F1&ei=bsxIUdObCqqX1AWUhYCYBA&bvm=bv.43828540,d.d2k&psig=AFQjCNHumzHnC9CP3FCyvymdl4ZMKYO5Ow&ust=1363811722962642" id="irc_mil" style="border: 0px currentColor;"><img height="188" id="irc_mi" src="http://izquotes.com/quotes-pictures/quote-ideas-are-more-powerful-than-guns-we-would-not-let-our-enemies-have-guns-why-should-we-let-them-joseph-stalin-176310.jpg" style="margin-top: 26px;" width="400" /></a><br />
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And it ignores the fact that people do good things in the name of religion too. The red cross for example began as a christian institution, as did the salvation army. <br />
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Of course, all this is well off the point of whether there is a god or a supernature of some description or other, but this is generally where the arguing goes. Mud is slung and it all gets heated, although neither side admit that they are frustrated both are. <br />
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If proof is necessary to confirm the existence of a supernature then I would have thought that the other side of that coin would be to deny its existence would need the same amount of proof.<br />
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<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Argument_from_ignorance">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Argument_from_ignorance</a><br />
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As John Locke said, lack of proof does not equate to proof itself.<br />
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The worst thing about these arguments that occur every day on the battleground for humanities soul... (or the internet) is that religion and atheism are simply fronts, both of them, to do what the person who changed the Wikipedia entry on Jim Bowen did: To troll. The arguments that routinely pop up are completely pointless and counteract each other. Like electrons and protons in a nucleus. <br />
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Neutrons are also found in a nucleus and although they don't seem to have a purpous if you listen to the teachers in C1 GCSE (there is very little discussion on Neutrons apart from the mention that they are in the middle of atoms and have no charge and that they are the reason isotopes exist) well they hold atoms together, if there were just a load of protons with a positive charge in the middle of an atom then the positive charge will repel all of the protons in the nucleus and the atom will just cease to exist. <br />
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<a data-ved="0CAUQjRw" href="http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=GAm6KKBLC8cIrM&tbnid=Xfs7-IR7uINb-M:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fswiftcraftymonkey.blogspot.com%2F2011%2F11%2Fchemistry-thursday-atom.html&ei=veFIUbWqOaHU0QWChIGQCQ&bvm=bv.43828540,d.d2k&psig=AFQjCNH31vT6JefpooNytEPe_3sOau7XPg&ust=1363817216852347" id="irc_mil" style="border: 0px currentColor;"><img height="305" id="irc_mi" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-N_hxSRRV6vk/TsUx31YvMBI/AAAAAAAADhE/yH_OBlJmFXs/s1600/atomlithium.png" style="margin-top: 62px;" width="270" /></a><br />
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If electrons, which contain a negative charge, are atheists and protons, which contain a positive charge, are theists, then I am probably going to fall into the category of a neutron, someone who doesn't really give a shit either way; by finishing off on comparing the belief non belief and agnisticism to an atom, I have veered off the point that I was initially trying to make, but both believers and atheists do that as well, so why shouldnt I?manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-91891599012893199692013-03-13T09:13:00.000+00:002013-03-13T09:13:24.401+00:00The 1% of you that have a heart will share this.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Facebook is a rich tapestry of the lives of everyone you know, but how well do you know yourself? Well recently someone posted this on my feed and I can confirm that I 'am not funny at all'</div>
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Having found this out from reading the large text in red, I delved deeper into the smaller print. ' The boy you called lame' it says. I don't recall using the word lame, it's not really the sort of word I would use seeing as I am not a teenage girl from the film 'Clueless'.<br />
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<a data-ved="0CAUQjRw" href="http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=6aP5eXyNXfQwoM&tbnid=UiIv0Mt7v20I5M:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thesuperficial.com%2Fbrittany_murphy_dies_at_32-12-2009&ei=4DJAUZe7BO6U0QXoqYEg&bvm=bv.43287494,d.d2k&psig=AFQjCNGhSW-5jhDAoQCcdnSHQjHjODCnmA&ust=1363248197448386" id="irc_mil" style="border: 0px currentColor;"><img height="320" id="irc_mi" src="http://cdn02.cdn.thesuperficial.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/1220_brittany_murphy_00-400x470.jpg" style="margin-top: 0px;" width="272" /></a><br />
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Lame.<br />
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Well anyway, he has to work at night to support his family. So it turns out that the witty comment that I made at him wasn't a very nice thing to say, although I don't remember saying it. Although in being falsely accused I have called the tragic actress who died of a prescription drug overdose 'lame'. So I guess I am a bully, it turns out that the text posted on my facebook feed is a self fulfilling prophesy. It has the supernatural ability to delve inside my mind and predict things before I even know that I am going to do them. <a href="http://www.fastcodesign.com/1672101/facebook-likes-accurately-predict-hospital-mortality-rates">But apparently facebook is very good at this because it looks at your 'likes'</a><br />
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<a data-ved="0CAUQjRw" href="http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=cnoEa3mroCaunM&tbnid=wBjXnniqp_LJ3M:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fsecurityledger.com%2Fthe-end-of-privacy-facebook-likes-reveal-sensitive-personal-data%2F&ei=CjZAUYy2DIq20QWsyIGQAg&bvm=bv.43287494,d.d2k&psig=AFQjCNEHfcK5jQh_esXgqaFIOABm0rHgGg&ust=1363249031898434" id="irc_mil" style="border: 0px currentColor;"><img height="428" id="irc_mi" src="http://securityledger.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Graph.jpg" style="margin-top: 0px;" width="320" /></a><br />
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The girl I pushed down today, she is already being abused at home, I'm not even going to deny it, because last time I did I inadvertantly called someone lame while denyong calling someone lame, I am just going to defend it instead- How was I supposed to know that she was being abused at home today? How do you know? how do you know that I pushed down a girl today? I have been awake for less than an hour and don't remember doing this. I'm not denying this, I'm just saying I don't remember.<br />
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The girl I called fat? 'she has disease and starving herself'. Wait a second... I don't mean to be funny but if you are going to accuse me of all these things that I didn't know I was doing, could you at least do it coherantly. Don't get me wrong, I understand what you are saying but there is a chance that with a lack of clarity in the message, that I might not realize what I have done, in fact I am almost certain that this has happened because I still don't realize that I have done these things that I am being accused of in my facebook feed.<br />
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<a data-ved="0CAUQjRw" href="http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=g6WDGVUBrsD6fM&tbnid=A1kwIOohJw3_VM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.mirror.co.uk%2Fnews%2Fuk-news%2Fas-tv-trials-threaten-to-kill-off-courtroom-840903&ei=vDpAUYeRD-iL0AXR1IHIDw&bvm=bv.43287494,d.d2k&psig=AFQjCNEx4ol_uQphvGUG-65TNhNrjikMzA&ust=1363250176974232" id="irc_mil" style="border: 0px currentColor;"><img height="265" id="irc_mi" src="http://i3.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article840639.ece/ALTERNATES/s615/Court+drawing+by+Elizabeth+Cook.+8.10.02.+parents+of+Stephen+Lawrence" style="margin-top: 10px;" width="400" /></a><br />
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Then comes the killer blow...<br />
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'You think you are funny? guess what... You are not funny at all.'<br />
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They didn't even bother to use an exclamation mark at the end of it, they didn't feel the need to emphasize it because it is already so obvious. As I read this, the wafer thin ego burns up as if in some kind of oxidising reaction with fire, I look into the sky and it has changed colour, the rivers turn to the colour of blood, my skin turns to glass and shatters, the paint on the walls begin to melt, or at least change to a really bland shade of beige. I try to scrape up the chared remains of my psyche before realizing that I am trapped inside my own metaphor. No wonder I lash out at people.<br />
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I take solace in the fact that several pieces of spam appeared in my blogspot comment page which help rebuild my self confidence...<br />
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<span style="color: red;">Juѕt ԁesire to say your article is аs surρriѕing.<br />Тhe сlaritу in your poѕt is
just excеllent and i can asѕume you aгe an expeгt on this subјect.<br />Fine with
yοur peгmission let me tο snatch your feеԁ to <br />stay up to ԁate with coming
near near ρost.<br />Thanκ уou 1,000,000 and plеase continue <br />the grаtifyіng
ωork.</span><br />
<span style="color: red;"></span><br />(It goes on to tell me to click on a link, but I am prepared to overlook that... in the same way that I overlooked the fact that I didn't call anyone names or make fun of people I was accused of in the other bit of spam.)<br />
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<span style="color: red;">Very great рost. Ι sіmply stumblеd upon уоur blog and wished to mention that I
haѵe гeally еnjoyeԁ ѕurfіng around your <br />blog poѕts. After all I will be
subscribing in уouг fеed anԁ I hοpe <br />you wrіte oncе more soοn!</span><br />
Again, it told me to click on a weird link. I didn't.<br />
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Then there was this...<br />
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<span style="color: red;">Mу sρirіt mοveԁ absent abοut 3 yеаrs in thе past mу ωhole bоdy had the brаvenеss
<br />to laѕt оf all clоse this saga,<br />and I ԁid uneaгth Ι was grеatеr
<br />received in thе mеtrорοlis I laѕt <br />but not lеаst situаteԁ <br />tо and as
for the fantaѕtіc fоrtune I was tryіng to get, ӏ stumbled on what Joseph
Camρbell wгοte was valiԁ: &#8220Youг <br />full physiсаl prоcess <br />is awагe
that thiѕ іs thе way to be alive іn this soсіetу аnd thе <br />wау tο giѵе <br />thе
terrіbly lеaԁing <br />that you hаvе to inсlude.</span><br />
Obviously the spambot had to take it too far, in exactly the same way that the first bit of spam implied that people who don't share don't have a heart. they do, but at the very least, at least it had the decency to allow me to do the rule of three, the other one just gave a big and long drawn out list which would probably have lost most peoples attention very early on.<a data-ved="0CAUQjRw" href="http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=Gp1wHkRl_bjSXM&tbnid=jkzDPfCA0JFsYM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FHeart&ei=6kBAUbrXD6OR0AXO0YH4Bw&bvm=bv.43287494,d.d2k&psig=AFQjCNHco4VyTeL83eIJd39P6Z8Y-VQ6pQ&ust=1363251814084086" id="irc_mil" style="border: 0px currentColor;"><img height="276" id="irc_mi" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/e0/Heart_diagram-en.svg/350px-Heart_diagram-en.svg.png" style="margin-top: 76px;" width="350" /></a><br />
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Having been accused of being a bully, I guess I can't be against bullying. For this reason, I couldn't bring myself to share it; it would make me a hypocrite. Although I have to say that it isn't just 1% of people who see a post like this who have a heart. The heart is an extremely important organ.<br />
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I think the long and the short of it is that the internet is fucking with me today. Trying to convince me that I am a genius one minute and a bully the next.manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-44574501878709177022013-02-21T22:08:00.000+00:002013-02-21T22:08:37.957+00:00Put a little glove in your Fart.<br />
One of the more spectacular views on the London skyline or of the Shard; it towers over London as a new boy in town dogging down canary wharf and telling anyone asking it to move out of the way so that people can see Saint Paul's Cathederal to 'Go fuck yourself'. The Shard has been a forboding presence over London since its construction over the past 3 years. It is a place which has opened just in time for Valentines Day so that people could get a romantic view of one of the most amazing cities on earth. The only thing that would have made the view of the shard more romantic was if the owners of the building called the building the 'Shart' instead. Because what could be more romantic than doing a fart and accidentally following through with a watery and occasionally a slightly nuggetty anal leak. not with blood in it, that would be disgusting, it is just shit.<br />
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<a data-ved="0CAUQjRw" href="http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=jWQEGivcz9lseM&tbnid=ygOVEZ-TrrpvOM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Flondonist.com%2F2011%2F01%2Fin-pictures-the-shard-in-2012.php&ei=t5EmUYijBOnM0AX22YDICA&bvm=bv.42661473,d.d2k&psig=AFQjCNFv4uTJM4vpUvRC4BD10gk56u-xAw&ust=1361568532946385" id="irc_mil" style="border: 0px currentColor;"><img height="252" id="irc_mi" src="http://londonist-static.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/shard2012_stpauls-633x500.jpg" style="margin-top: 0px;" width="320" /></a><br />
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With Valentines day a week ago, well too late for me to be talking about; millions of people world wide <strike>are going to be </strike>have been receiving heart shaped boxes, heart shaped cards and other various heart shaped things. Hearts tend to be simplified versions of what they really are because they look fucking discusting, all coated in fat and covered in blood and various pieces of conjuole. What happened to make the heart the symbol of love? Do you want to know? well I am going to put a picture of a real heart below and then I am going to google the question and come back to you with the answer.<br />
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<a data-ved="0CAUQjRw" href="http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=d3GjsDAsqD5N0M&tbnid=zEQfZSKfa46bMM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fhistologyolm.stevegallik.org%2Fnode%2F346&ei=EVEdUfXeNeiW0QWnyoCgDg&bvm=bv.42452523,d.d2k&psig=AFQjCNG7EwxrujJ4_X2OTo8chj-cseGzPg&ust=1360962181113579" id="irc_mil" style="border: 0px currentColor;"><img height="320" id="irc_mi" src="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTttc9JxG1vc6MGLraNV9ZOT40VMOIuRB2rSIhrCP-hMx0djmOn" style="margin-top: 0px;" width="251" /></a><br />
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Well, according to Wiki Answers it has something to do with Aristotle, who as an intelligent Greek Philosopher, scholar, maths man and guesser of how things worked: made the assumption that the heart was where love comes from, well he was wrong, and as such, everyone who has ever thought of the heart in association with romance is also wrong, and an idiot.<br />
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The heart is, however, the hardest working muscle in the human body, or in fact the body of any animal with a heart, so I don't want the heart abolished or anything, because it really goes out of its way to keep us alive for as long as possible, I would just be happier if people gave credit to the human brain to creating the chemical conditions necassary to feel love.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="300" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/hJiKvkZUmXI" width="300"></iframe><br />
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Hearts as we know them, the simplified ones, have existed since around the 15th century when they became one of the suits in a deck of cards, and proved such a popular shape, that it is instantly recognisable in most cultures as the symbol for love. It is here that I stop talking about it because I realize that I have run out of ideas, but what I will do for you instead is give you a valentines day mixtape, which you can make yourself via spotify or illegally downloading, but instead of using the proper names, I will replace the word Love with Glove and Heart, with Fart. Because they rhyme.<br />
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1.Don't go breaking my Fart- Elton John & Kiki Dee<br />
2.Quit Playing Games with my Fart- Backstreet Boys<br />
3.ScatterFart- Bjork<br />
4.Fart Shaped Box- Nirvana<br />
5.Achy Breaky Fart- Billy Ray Cyrus<br />
6.Groove is in the Fart- Dee Lite.<br />
7.You'll be in my Fart- Usher<br />
8. Bad Liver and a Broken Fart- Tom Waits<br />
9.Total Eclipse of the Fart- Bonnie Tyler<br />
10. Listen to your Fart- Roxette.<br />
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Everything here, the fact that a blog about Valentines day has arrived a week late, that I have replaced the word heart, with fart in almost a dozen love song, that I think of hearts as fatty organs, pumping blood round the body to stop people from dying; all these things highlight the fact that I am an emotionally retarded and referring to Aristotle isn't going to save me.<br />
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As well as this, the fact that I have managed to cut and paste together three different unfinished blogs either makes me a total cunt or the Paul McCartney of blogging, or perhaps both, because neither are mutually exclusive. But at the same time, I can't just leave half finished ideas to rot in my drafts page, and there is something better coming... I promise.manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-31508848317083910772013-02-04T12:13:00.001+00:002013-02-04T12:19:36.999+00:00What looks coolest falling down a flight of stairs?<br />
Another month brings another near miss from an asteroid, except this time it missed by less than 25000km. which is just over half the circumference of the Earth. This is the distance between the UK and Mongolia. It was the size of half a football pitch and is probably made from iron and other rock, instead of ice, which is more common. According to Yeomans, asteroids of this stature comes within striking distance of our planet every 40 years, but strikes only occur every 1200 odd years.<br />
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This can mean only one thing: This close shave from an asteroid is a warning from God about the legalisation of same sex marraiges. It is unlikely that God would have been as worried about the legislation that has been passed in certain US states concerning gay marraige because he doesn't really pay too much attention to America anymore, particularly Connecticut, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New York, Vermont, and Washington as well as the District of Columbia.<br />
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It is exactly the sort of thing that God would do though. People often think of God as some kind of creator or omnipotent being, when in fact, he is more like Samuel L Jackson's character in the film Pulp Fiction.<br />
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<img alt="" class="rg_hi uh_hi" data-height="192" data-width="262" height="192" id="rg_hi" src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSmhUtU04pyBOttvLgBRwsX4Gry-joUtGev5P2ndWsKYR9deJ2ucw" style="height: 192px; width: 262px;" width="262" /><br />
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He will strike down with great vengeance etc...<br />
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In Genesis, for example: Lot was identified as the only man in Sodom and its neighbouring town Gomorrah (a place, probably in the middle east somewhere) worth saving, after God decided to end the entire area under a heavy bombardment of fire and brimstone. The city itself was named after the homosexual act of Sodomy, so it is probable that God doesn't like homosexuality and doesnt find it homosexy at all. further to this God actually finds the act of oral sex sinful and that is the sort of thing that they used to get up to in those days and in those kind of places. <br />
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So, going back to Lot, having being identified as being the only rightious man in either Sodom or Gamorrah, he was told to leave by God in some form of vision or other and along with his wife told not to look back. When his wife broke the cardinal rule and looked back at her beloved home that she worked very hard to make nice with furniture purchased from the Ikea just off the Gommorah junction, God turned her instantly into a pillar of salt. Luckily, Lot had packed some of his belongings, and among them was a salt shaker which had been purchased from the same Ikea. Lot never had to buy salt again. <br />
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<img _prototypeuid="58" alt="PLATS Salt/pepper shaker, set of 2 IKEA" border="0" class="zoomMousePointer" height="320" id="productImg" src="http://www.ikea.com/gb/en/images/products/plats-salt-pepper-shaker-set-of-__0143334_PE302951_S4.JPG" title="" width="320" /><br />
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The only logical alternative to the meteor coming from God is that the meteor itself is actually formed from homosexual love.<br />
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On yesterdays 'The Big Question' (a program on BBC2 on Sunday where a panel of people are asked excruciatingly long and pointless questions by an audience) during a discussion on gay marraige, a young man told a lesbian that her love came from satan.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-D9uYntgoVfM/UQ-f469_rNI/AAAAAAAAAME/hYAz6nJLxcg/s1600/gay+tweet.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ea="true" height="228" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-D9uYntgoVfM/UQ-f469_rNI/AAAAAAAAAME/hYAz6nJLxcg/s640/gay+tweet.JPG" width="640" /></a><br />
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The above being the average response from the twitter community...</div>
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And this being one of the less average ones.<br />
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Hail Satan!</div>
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This leaves us with two possibilities, that homosexual love comes from Satan, who is simply a potato with bits of plastic added to him to give him more humanoid characteristics... OR that the man on The Big Question was misheard when he said Satan, perhaps he said 'Saturn' I will quickly examine both options starting with the Satan one...<br />
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If Satan created homosexual love, and he is literally just a Mr Potato Head (it said it on twitter, must be true) Then his equivalent binary opposite, God, is probably going to be something as simple as one of those toy slinky springs that fall down the stairs and probably incapable of mustering an asteroid made of iron to warn man not to allow same sex marraige to become law in England...<br />
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<img height="271" id="il_fi" src="http://www.museumofchildhood.org.uk/__images/site-images/collections-images/mechanical-toys-images/slinky-1995.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="320" /><br />
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Praise the Lord.<br />
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If on the other hand, homosexual love does come from the planet Saturn, then it is probably just a naturally occuring force, beyond our control and trying to stop its progress would be as futile as trying to stop a sea tide, we might be able to slow down its progress, but ultimately it will erode the shores as all land eventually falls into the ocean to pop up somewhere else millions of years later. It all becomes relative to whether you are a person open to religion or not.<br />
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Out of these two options (and having weighed up the balance of all probability, I have ruled out every other method of explanation successfully and logically) I believe that Satan probably is a Mr Potato Head and that God is simply a spring that gets placed on a top step and is clever enough to climb down stairs whilst looking cool. I mean you could throw anything down a flight of strairs, a slice of toast, a bowling ball, a roller skate, a gay man on rollerskates or even a homophobic man on a skateboard. But none of them look as impressive as a slinky when they fall down the stairs. And after all, isn't that what the whole same sex marraige debate boils down to?manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-59151929514965367992013-01-21T15:40:00.002+00:002013-01-21T15:40:50.989+00:00I have a dream.<br />
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I have just woken up after sleeping in being snowed in all day, during this sleep I have had one of the most vivid dreams I have had in a long time.<br />
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I was looking out at the snow and it all melted in front of me, then I got a phonecall saying work was going to open and I had to get in quick, and then I was there, except school was a really big skyscraper office type thing, and it had a massive archive and top secret section, and then it was a boat, and one of the teachers was complaining that school was open, told one of the students to give a note to the head teacher, the note said FUCK OFF, but the head teacher was Armando Ianucci, then I had a meeting with Armando Iannucci in the cafe section of the school/skyscraper/boat but he didn't know why he wanted to meet me, so I had to have a meeting with his assistant so that we could piece together why it was that Armando Iannucci wanted to have a meeting with me and his assistant was Agnetha Faltskog and then the snow came back, and then I was outside the boat, except it wasn't a boat anymore, it was the Barbican Centre in London, but it wasn't because it was somewhere else.<br />
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<a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/pressoffice/images/bank/programmes_tv/ent/300armando_iannucci.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" id="il_fi" src="http://www.bbc.co.uk/pressoffice/images/bank/programmes_tv/ent/300armando_iannucci.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /></a><br />
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fucking all over the place.</div>
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I woke up not knowing why I was supposed to be meeting with Armando Iannucci, writer of Alan Partridge, the Day Today, the Thick of It and headmaster of a cruiseliner; as well as this, Agnetha Faltskog is less standoffish when you meet her than you would believe due to the medias portrayal of her. </div>
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Dreams </div>
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This occurs on the day that people celebrate Martin Luther King's birthday. This is celebrated by a Federal Holiday in the States and is known, quite imaginatively, as Martin Luther King day.</div>
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Martin Luther King's most famous speech is 'I Have A Dream'. This is a little bit of what he dreamt about:</div>
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"I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together." </div>
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Martin Luther King jr, has probably done more for the civil rights movement than me, he has done more for changing the minds of mass consciousness in the 20th Century than I probably will in the 21st. </div>
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I am alright with this, because my dreams are much more interesting than his.</div>
manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-55799590035737381742013-01-20T12:08:00.000+00:002013-01-20T12:08:24.619+00:00The Myth of HMV<br />
Having already written a blog in the last week where HMV was the main subject line, some might think that I am either obsessing or that I have little else to write about, and they may be right, but on the other hand the Greek Playwrite Euripedess wrote two plays about about Hippolytus in his lifetime, and he is still revered today thousands of years after his death and I am a better writer than he is.<br />
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<img height="275" id="il_fi" src="http://www.drault.com.ar/classical_mythology/euripides_hippolytus_classmyth_big.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /><br />
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Hippolytus, being trampled to death by horses after they were scared by a giant seamonster.<br />
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Having had a week to think about the situation with the highstreet chain a few things come to mind. Why did the HMV directors not take a look at the situation with the Poster chain, Athena? <br />
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<img height="300" id="il_fi" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51-KBzdu8bL._SL500_AA300_.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="300" /><br />
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Arty.<br />
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Athena were at one point, giants on the high street. If you wanted a poster of a topless man holding a baby, men eating sandwiches on a steel girder suspended hundreds of feet in the air or a woman scratching her bum while playing tennis, then Athena was the place to go. When the internet came to the fore, poster sales dropped; people began to download their posters or stream their posters from legal poster streaming sites like Spotiposterfy. Supermarkets started selling posters at a loss in order to get poster loving shoppers. Ultimately, the value of a poster became negated and Athena had no choice but to go administration.<br />
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<img height="240" id="il_fi" src="https://www.snap-shop.co.uk/retailer-images/standard/36.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="320" /><br />
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Another store that HMV should have taken heed from was the toy chain, Zodiac. At one point Zodiac was the place to go, go. It's face adourned every highstreet, its isles full of children throwing temper tantrums because their parents couldn't afford the latest transformer toy. However, with the dawn of the internet, sales plummeted. People began downloading toys from illegal torrent sites and from Streaming websites like Spo'toy'fy. In a vain attempt to diversify, Zodiac stopped selling toy cars and started selling real ones, stopped selling toy horses and started selling real ones, stopped selling trains and started selling real ones, stopped selling rocking horses and started selling real rocks. Started selling Petrol, Footballers, Chainsaws, Goldfish, Dogs, Cats, Rats, Bats, Matts and DAT tapes.<br />
<br />
The biggest problem facing Zodiac was that it had lost its identity as a shop and had started to resemble a zoo or at the very least, a petshop that also sold machine guns. Eventually the administrators were called in and the store closed. <br />
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<img height="400" id="il_fi" src="http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk45/rossobantam/Junk/Zodiactoyshop2000AD.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="292" /><br />
<br />
They actually went crazy. The staff would eat their own shit.<br />
<br />
Rattners was another highstreet casualty, it's chairman famously penned a speech saying that his shop sold shit jewellery, and while HMV didn't actually say that, they undervalued their stock at such an alarming percentage, that it gave them the customer that impression.<br />
<br />
So now I have done a rule of three to question why HMV were not more aware of their changing environment, I need to crack on with the rest of this blog, because I am now worried that I shouldn't have started a second blog, much in the way that Euripedes did with the Hippolytus all those thousands of years ago.<br />
<br />
I can see why the Hippolytus myth may have been something that made Euripedes want to visit it again and again. Hippolytus was a beautiful teenage boy who decided to become chaste and dedicate his life to the hunter goddess Artemis. Much in the same way that HMV was a beautiful teenage biy that decided to dedicate its existence to selling formats that were used to play masic. <br />
<br />
Hippolytus spurning physical love angered the goddess of love Aphrodite, who cast a spell on Phaedra, who was Hippolytus's stepmother.<br />
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<img height="284" id="il_fi" src="http://www.art-prints-on-demand.com/kunst/pierre_narcisse_guerin_3656/phaedra_hippolytus_hi.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /><br />
<br />
Hippolytus spurned his step mothers advances who then went on to accuse him of rape. His Father, Jason, cursed Hippolytus, who after being banished from Jason's kingdom was bucked off the carraiges carried by horses who were scared by a giant Seamonster who was summoned by Poseidon, although I am not sure why. Hippolytus fell off and was crushed and trampled by the horses.<br />
<br />
You may have noticed that Initially I started to compare the plight of HMV to the greek myth of Hippolytus, partly in an attempt to draw a comparison between myself and Euripedes and justify me writing about HMV twice in the same way that Euripedes did, but I am now very confused. If CD's are the goddess Artemis, then should I compare the internet to the Goddess Aphrodite? Should I compare the sea monster that scared the horses to the Supermarkets that sold CD's at a loss, or the other way round? Should I compare the reaction of the horses to the reaction of HMV bosses who tried to match the Supermarkets prices even though it couldnt afford it? Maybe we could look at the arrogance of Hippolytus in spurning physical love in a similar way to the HMV bosses who priced the back catalogue CD's at inflated prices. Maybe Hippolytus's arrogance could be compared to the bosses who felt the need to overspend on the look of the stores, rebranding, overdiversifying and essentially bankrupting itself by purchasing music venues and paying over the odds.<br />
<br />
<img height="206" id="il_fi" src="http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/06/30/article-2009996-0CCEB5C500000578-83_468x242_popup.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /><br />
<br />
Or perhaps I am out of my depth and should cut my losses and just finish up this blog.<br />
<br />
Ultimately, Euripedes was obsessed with this tragedy; HMV's plight is also a tragedy, and one that I may be a little obsessed with, having worked there for most of my adult life. Maybe I was overreaching when I tried to compare the myth with the retail chain, but Rumbalows or Blockbuster going under doesn't have the same cultural impact as HMV going under. It was a place where people talked music, talked about bands and films, spread the love. It was a place for music obsessives to go and burn their money. None of this fits in with the Hippolytus myth at all, but that doesn't make it any less sad.manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-7276037427829689342013-01-18T23:58:00.002+00:002013-01-18T23:58:52.206+00:00Performance Enhancing Sideburns?
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As a cyclist on London’s roads my odds of surviving the year
are probably a lot shorter than yours, unless you are one of the nuclear clean-up
workers from Fukushima, a sword swallower or you are terminally ill with
cancer. If you are one of these then YAY! The chances are I am going to live
longer than you! But if I don’t I will probably die in the road with little
dignity in a pool of blood surrounded by people all staring at me, it will be
very dramatic. And the worst thing is, as a cyclist, I will have no respect
from the people surrounding me, because everyone will assume I am a drug cheat.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<img height="333" id="il_fi" src="http://static.oprah.com/images/own/2013/onc/201301/20130117-onc-lance-armstrong-7-300x250.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /><br />
<br />
Armstrong: Coming clean.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t cycle to work to gain any respect but I don’t want
my name to be brought into disrepute because of something that Lance Armstrong
did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have never taken EPO or had blood
transfusions to improve my performance as a cyclist. I just want to get to work
on time. Armstrong has not only made pretty much everyone on the planet jump to
the conclusion that everyone on a bike is a performance enhancing drug user,
but that everyone with the same surname is also a liar. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">More people believe that the lunar landings were faked since
Armstrong’s admission, simply because the first man on the moon shares the same
surname. People don’t believe that the Lead Guitarist from Green Day, Billie
Joe Armstrong exists anymore, and sales of the action toy Stretch Armstrong
have fallen dramatically. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> <img height="400" id="il_fi" src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqayvzW9oR1qizzkoo1_400.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /></span></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Was Stretch Armstrong a drug cheat too?</span></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></o:p> </div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When people go on Oprah these days it is usually to make a
twat of themselves. Toni Braxton claims her <a href="http://bossip.com/671248/shots-fired-broke-azz-toni-braxton-blames-oprah-winfrey-for-her-bankruptcy-issues-and-fawking-up-her-career/">career was damaged</a> by appearing on
Oprah and Tom Cruise made a twat of himself jumping on her sofa, declaring his
love for Katie Holmes. However all of those pale into significance when placed
next to Lance Armstrong admitting he was a drug cheat on her show. Not only do
we know that Armstrong has no testicles due to having his balls cut off after
having cancer, but he had to endure the extra humiliation of admitting that he
was rubbish at cycling too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> <img height="296" id="il_fi" src="http://coffeebreakbrainburst.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/tom-cruise-jumping-on-oprahs-couch1.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /></span></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></o:p> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Was Tom Cruise a drug cheat too? or a closet homosexual perhaps?</span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So what does this mean for other cyclists? Well most of
Britain’s gold medals at this summer’s Olympics were from cyclists, so
naturally everyone assumes that every British athlete is a drug cheat. All
Lance Armstrong’s fault. Bradley Wiggins goes as far as to claim that Armstrong's admission writes off the entire sport of cycling in the 1990's as <a href="http://velonews.competitor.com/2013/01/news/bradley-wiggins-armstrong-admission-would-write-off-nineties-as-lost-decade_271534">doping was so widespread in the sport</a> Wiggins does not endorse the use of performance enhancing drugs although he has been accused of sporting performance enhancing sideburns.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><img height="266" src="http://velonews.competitor.com/files/2013/01/1-15-Wiggo-631x421.jpg" title="2013 Wiggins on Armstrong" width="400" /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Performance Enhancing Sideburns?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In Armstrong's Oprah interview, he trys to justify his position by saying it was because he had cancer and because he had one of his balls removed. Well Hitler only had one testicle and at no point did he blame the fact that he was the architect for the hollocaust on it. so in effect what Armstrong did makes him worse than Hitler.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> <img alt="Adolf Hitler - Hitler really did have only one ball, says army doctor" height="250" src="http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00798/Adolf-Hitler_s_798283c.jpg" width="400" /></span></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></o:p> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hitler: Not as bad as Armstrong.</span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This also leads us to speculation that other people in the
public eye were also on drugs. There are rumours that Shaun Ryder from the
Happy Mondays also took performance enhancing drugs to make him better at
singing. Rumours are also rife that Jeith Richards from the Rolling Stones took performance enhancing drugs to make him more cool, although who made that allegation is unclear, experts are looking into it to see if there is any truth in it; bob Marley may have dabbled in drug use too. This shatters the illusion of the perfection of many role models.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><img height="206" id="il_fi" src="http://images.mirror.co.uk/upl/people3/nov2010/9/4/people21nov-image-53-890198203.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="320" /><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Was Ryder on drugs too?<br />
<br />
But most of all, the thousands of cyclists who have taken to our streets now have their reputation in tatters because everyone assumes they are on EPO, a bizarre doping system which is almost impossible to detect, when in fact most of them are just trying to save on extorionate train and bus fares, and not trying to win the Tour De France. So next time you see a cyclist, don't snear, they are just trying to get on, and it is a few bad eggs like Armstrong that spoil it for the rest of them. Like I said, I am just trying to get to work on time... now where is that syringe? I have to race a bus in the morning!manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-610585416612604212013-01-18T22:36:00.001+00:002013-01-18T22:36:56.263+00:00Nice weather.<br />
One of the cornerstones of British conversation is the discussion about the weather, Australians don't tend to have this conversation because it is usually always hot, Russians tend not to have this conversation because they are either being racist against black footballers, or breaking into churches to protest against Vladimir Putin.<br />
<br />
<img height="397" id="il_fi" src="http://mariomarcos.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/aabanana.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="300" /><br />
<br />
Ironically, Carlos's freaky free kick against France in 1997 was described as a banana shot. but you shouldn't be ironic in the face of racism.<br />
<br />
Anyways, racism is a topic that is off topic for British people who are essentially strangers. The weather, however, isn't.<br />
<br />
So, its a bit nippy at the moment, and as such strangers up and down the country are all saying this to each other. the next stage of this of this is to start complaining about how British infrastructure can't deal with snow.<br />
<br />
<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="166" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/19329_10151272066379724_982957164_n.jpg" style="height: 200px; width: 500px;" width="320" /><br />
<br />
Like what this picture is trying to exemplify.<br />
<br />
What most people fail to realize is that Canada, which has far more snowfall than britain, has had no choice but to spend hundreds of millions on dealing with its conditions, wheras in Britain it is cheaper to just take an ecconomic hit for a few days.<br />
<br />
So we know that Russia and Canada and Scandanavia and lots of other countries are better at dealing with snowfall than Britain, and that their train timetables are largely unaffected by it, but how would transport systems be affected on other planets?<br />
<br />
Lets start with Mercury, the nearest planet to the sun. Mercury doesn't have weather, so snow would not affect it, but unfortunately it has no atmosphere so the trains would have to deal with ionizing radiation which Earth is largely protected from due to it's atmosphere. It's surface temperature ranges from 400oC to -179oC, both hot and cold weather have been known to disrupt train journeys. It is also unprotected from meteor showers which means you could be on the train home and your carraige gets pulverized by a piece of falling space debris made of lead, iron, or one of the many other pieces of rock floating around in the universe. The trains would probably run better in the UK.<br />
<br />
<img height="320" id="il_fi" src="http://sos.noaa.gov/Education/images/mercury.jpeg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="320" /><br />
<br />
"What about Venus?" I hear you ask, well: Venus has a constant surface temperature of 500oC, thanks to a 97% carbon dioxide atmosphere. This means that train carraiges would be stuffy and very uncomfortable. Also, as this <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-13926651">BBC report from 2007</a> reports, heat can affect electrics, causing signaling failures, closing doors and other problems. Although the melting point of Aluminium (the main material that the exterior of a train is made from) is 663oC it is the people on the train who would probably burn up in a ball of flames. You are better off staying in the UK and braving the delays.<br />
<br />
<img height="260" id="il_fi" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/3/38/Th%C3%ADch_Qu%E1%BA%A3ng_%C4%90%E1%BB%A9c_self-immolation.jpg/300px-Th%C3%ADch_Qu%E1%BA%A3ng_%C4%90%E1%BB%A9c_self-immolation.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /><br />
<br />
Man on a commuter train on the planet Venus. I tried to warn him.<br />
<br />
Everyone knows about Mars because we have sent probes there, it is not so much the fact that the trains wouldnt run very well but there is literally fuck all on Mars. No libraries, Discoteques, shops or bowling alleys, so to be fair, it isn't even worth setting up a tube network there.<br />
<br />
Jupiter is a whole other kettle of fish. not only is the surface temperature not hot, but as a gas planet it would be impossible to lay down railway tracks or build train stations. As you get closer to the centre the gravitational pull is strong enough to create a pressure that turns Hydrogen from a gas to a metallic liquid, so Aluminium trains would ultimately be crushed into basic matter, it would also crush any humans on the train. this would probably cause delays to your journey. If you thought that you could build a better train network on Saturn instead, then you are mistaken, it is also a gas planet, comprised mainly of hydrogen and helium.<br />
<br />
<img alt="Saturn" height="240" src="http://www.planetfacts.net/Saturn.jpg" width="320" /><br />
<br />
This service is subject to severe delays due to its surface being mainly made up of Hydrogen and Helium.<br />
<br />
I won't talk about the problems that train journeys would face on the planet Uranus, because it would be impossible to talk about the planet Uranus without at some point doing a crude joke about YOUR ANAL cavity, and to be honest, I am far too classy for that, I don't even scratch my balls with my right hand anymore because thats the hand that I use to shake other peoples hands when being introduced to them. See? Classy!<br />
<br />
<img height="268" id="il_fi" src="http://hateisastrongword.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/itchyballs.jpg?w=300&h=201" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /><br />
<br />
Man scratching balls. not his anus.<br />
<br />
Neptune is also a gas planet made up of Methane, Helium and hydrogen, therefore even if you somehow managed to circumnavigate the problem of it being made entirely of gas, the train carraiges would always smell of farts. Furthermore, with winds of up to 1290 miles an hour, this would almost certainly damage the overhead power lines and stop trains from running.<br />
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<img height="266" id="il_fi" src="http://img.ibtimes.com/www/data/images/full/2013/01/17/336418.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /><br />
<br />
An average day on Neptune's equivalent of Kings Cross station.<br />
<br />
So there you go, you may not like how weather affects trains, roads and transport, but if you hate it that much you should move to Jupiter where you will probably get turned inside out by the pressure, alternatively, stop fucking whining. It's just a bit of snow.<br />
<br />
manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-85194899088039804292013-01-16T19:15:00.001+00:002013-01-16T19:15:23.633+00:00End of an Era for HMV?<br />
The news of HMV going into administration has brought up all kinds of memories as a former employee. The main one being the tradition at my local store of placing pubic hair in leaving cards. I worked in a local HMV in a leafy north west London suburb. One of the traditions of this store that we started was trimming our pubic hair and taping them into the leaving cards of fallen comrads. It was classy, we were young and we had the world at our feet, we were the coolest kids in the highstreet, the men in suits working above us made some bad decisions and it had to end. <br />
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<img height="225" id="il_fi" src="http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/65301000/gif/_65301230_hmv_old.gif" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /><br />
<br />
But does it? In 2008, RBS, an ailing bank, recieved a bailout of 850 billion. It was failing and had made a massive loss, in much the same way that HMV were. Leaving it to fail would have left 140,000 out of work and lots of people with savings effectively buggered: not only would there have been a massive shortage of pubes in over 100,000 leaving cards, as well as a massive dip into recession. <br />
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<img height="300" id="il_fi" src="http://static.flickr.com/6/69279791_2273685432.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /><br />
<br />
That is where RBS would have gone (Note the pubes on the seat, we would have taken them and popped them in a card as well as shaving off our own.)<br />
<br />
If banks like Barclays and RBS can be bailed out to the tune of billions, then why can't the government bail out HMV? Nationalise it, it is already a British institution. It dedicated vast resources into the war effort while it was part of EMI diverting its factories into making parts for the bombs that we dropped on Dresden, while it could have been simply making a profit. Surely that counts for something. For the whole of the war, workers placed their pubes into bombs that were dropped on Germany.<br />
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<img height="192" id="il_fi" src="http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Business/Pix/pictures/2008/04/22/rbs4.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="320" /><br />
<br />
Where were you during the war?<br />
<br />
One of the reasons that HMV has failed was because of internet piracy, streaming , and competitors like Amazon. Now this is all well and good, companies should be able to fail if they are not as good as their competitors, but Amazon have had an unfair advantage inasmuch as the fact that they have not paid 234 million in corporation tax. Surely this isn't fair. If the government was to force Amazon to pay their tax, they could use the proceeds to pay off the 176 million in debt that HMV have accumilated, while playing by the rules. Alternatively they could completely write off any corporation tax for the previous 5 years like they have done with Starbucks, Topshop or Amazon, this would make up 50 million.<br />
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<img height="400" id="il_fi" src="http://blogs.ft.com/westminster/files/2010/08/philp-green.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="300" /><br />
<br />
Green: "I don't pay any corporation tax!"<br />
<br />
If the British taxpayer owned HMV then it would shut up the seeming millions of customers who have suddenly started piping up lamenting its loss on social networking sites. They would effectively own a record shop and what would be cooler than that? <br />
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<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="320" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/431417_10152424860990037_181880552_n.jpg" style="height: 631px; width: 377px;" width="191" /><br />
<br />
Bonzer!<br />
<br />
If a back catalogue CD costs £15 but was brought at £7.09 then the economy would be sorted in no time, and David Cameron would be able to take credit for not only saving Nipper but saving the livelihood of an honest company that although has overcharged for its product in the past, has been essentially honest and not diverted millions in profits into offshore accounts. <br />
<br />
We could talk about the gap that HMV will leave in the highstreet, or the human cost, or even the cunt customers who are moaning about the <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-oxfordshire-21042084">giftcard situation</a> and failing to empathise with the staff they are shouting at who are at no fault and are probably going to lose their jobs. No, the real tragedy is that 4000 leaving cards have to be filled with the pubic hair of at least 40,000 people, which will create a shortage of hairs being left on toilet seats, and surely, that is what makes Britain great?!<br />
<br />
<img height="249" id="il_fi" src="http://ww1.prweb.com/prfiles/2012/05/01/9464014/gI_108476_nipperjubilee-app-icon-medium.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="249" /><br />
<br />
Good luck HMV.<br />
<br />manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-63430988035283307042013-01-14T11:43:00.001+00:002013-01-15T12:34:28.172+00:00Feminists vs Transexuals.<br />
In the Observer this week, battle lines were drawn when Julie Burchill led a fierce ground attack on the transexual community. This was following last weeks accidental airstrike on the same community by Suzanne Moore. Of course, this is all metaphoric and there isn't really a proper war involving guns and missiles and shelling like there is in Israel and Palestine, but it would be really funny if there were; I am in fact using an analogy to help your tiny little minds understand what is going on better.<br />
<br />
Moore is, (according to her <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suzanne_Moore">Wikipedia </a>entry) born of an American father and a working class mother. From this you begin to understand how the class system works, that it is impossible to categorise an American man into the class system. Furthermore, the combination of a working class mother and American father is almost always going to produce women who are veermently <em>transphobic </em>(Transphobia is the fear or irrational hatred of either transport systems or transexuals, but usually both.)<br />
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<img height="208" id="il_fi" src="http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/arts/2007/05/02/julie460.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="320" /><br />
<br />
Julie Burchill looking sexy on a beach, only don't think that, because she is a feminist and does not want to be objectified by horrible bastard men.<br />
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Why are you telling me, you ask? In truth, it's because I haven't written a blog for a long time and couldn't really think of anything else to write about and was worried about becoming completely dormant as a 'writer'. AND because of the twitstorm that was created by her defence of Suzanne Moore, I am aware that this is getting longwinded so I will get to the point. Last week, Suzanne Moore was saying something or other about body image because it had just been Christmas and everyone was a bit fat, and she said, "I'ts alright, don't worry about it, we need to get away from the idea of female perfection as being a Brazillian Transexual." <br />
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I think this is discusting for two reasons:<br />
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Reason A, or 1, I haven't decided which yet: men don't want to think of the women that they are objectifying to be post op men.<br />
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Reason 2: Suzanne Moore is legitimizing the womans right to be fat, which they should not have. They already have the vote, in a few years they will have equal pay, they have the right to work, in short, they already have a lot of rights.<br />
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|<img height="320" id="il_fi" src="http://sledgehammerswordfight.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/fat-chick.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="293" /><br />
<br />
And this should not be one of them.<br />
<br /><br />
But all this is academic anyways because Moore upset a group of people more vocal than me, and that is the transexual community. The transexual community is a small area just north of Hainault on the edge of London. It has a transexual community centre, a transexual garden centre and a transexual alotment. They do a really nice job in keeping their community in check and working well; in short, it is the perfect example of David Cameron's big society. It is for this reason that the left leaning Observer Newspaper launched such an audacious attack on them.<br />
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<img height="192" id="il_fi" src="http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/About/General/2012/5/6/1336326471846/David-Cameron-008.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="320" /><br />
<br />
Cameron, explaining that he too considered gender realignment surgary, before realizing that it would make his breasts big and cause extra strain on his back.<br />
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This of course is only one theory, and when you look closely at the situation it becomes clear that this is not an attack by proxy on the Conservative party, but that feminists are simply jealous of transexuals. After all they usually have nicer bodies because they have had lots of surgary than proper women, they have bigger and better boobs, and most importantly, they have their own community, the transexual community, complete with its own community centre, community play area for transgendered children and a transgendered park where transgendered people can get together to walk their transgendered dogs. It's actually really nice and is pretty much the only reason<em> I can think of that Julie Burchill would attack it.</em> <br />
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<img height="200" id="il_fi" src="http://transgenderexplored.com/community.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="333" /><br />
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I bet you are wondering why that last line is italicized don't you? Well it's because I accidentally hit shift and a button isn't it, but I quite like the effect of it so I am leaving it there. As someone who is quite confident that no one else reads this I can get away with doing things like that, but if I were a columnist, and my actual job was to spew out wanky opinions week after week, it would probably be more important to worry about the effect of my writing, say, accidentally italicizing lines, or saying something offensive about the transgender community would have more of an impact if I were a collumnist at a paper like The Observer. I would expect some comeback if I offended a minority group for a cheap laugh. Unfortunately I am not a woman so I wouldn't be able to hide behind the banner of Feminism in the way that Suzanne Moore has. Similarly, I am not protected by the eloquant, balanced and liberal mind of Julie Burchill, so I would be even more fucked. <br />
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The only question I have left to answer is which side of the fence I am on. I seem to have taken a position defending Transgendereds over columnists, but to be honest, I don't really give a shit, I just said it to fill a gap. Which I suppose makes me closer to a collumnist than someone with sympathies for the transgendered community.manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-11147846778984533482012-12-11T12:28:00.000+00:002012-12-11T12:28:06.145+00:00When Updates are worse than what they are replacing.<br />
One of the most common complaints amongst internet users is that the updates which are supposed to make lif more easy are actually ruining it and making people want to kill themselves or Mark Zuckerberg or Steve Jobs if he wasn't already dead from cancer. Some people actually believe that Steve Jobs cancer was caused by an inferior product update, although no scientific proof linking the two has been found as of yet.<br />
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<img height="320" id="il_fi" src="http://images.electricpig.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/steve-jobs-bw.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="320" /><br />
<br />
Dead because of a faulty update?<br />
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One of the main concerns about product updates is that they are actually taking a step back. I have personal experience of this, although I don't like to complain about them, unlike the people who like to complain about Facebook's Timeline. The level of paranoia that people often like to display who complain about Facbooks timeline feature after manifests itself with copy/pasted legal speak where they are expected to be attacked in someway by Facebook.<br />
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<h4>
*PRIVACY NOTICE: Warning--any person and/or institution and/or Agent and/or Agency of any governmental structure including but not limited to the United States Federal Government also using or monitoring/using this website or any of its associated websites, you do NOT have my permission to utilize any of my profile information nor any of the content contained herein including, but not limited to... my photos, and/ or the comments made about my photo`s or any other "picture" art posted on my profile. You are hereby notified that you are strictly prohibited from disclosing, copying, distributing, disseminating, or taking any other action against me with regard to this profile and the contents herein. The foregoing prohibitions also apply to your employee(s), agent(s), student(s) or any personnel under your direction or control. The contents of this profile are private and legally privileged and confidential information, and the violation of my personal privacy is punishable by law. UCC 1-103 1-308 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED WITHOUT PREJUDICE It is recommended that other members post a similar notice to this or you may copy and paste this one. Thank you. This is now a publicly traded site, Protect Yourself! </h4>
This of course, is absolute tosh: <br />
a) If Facebook wants to use your photo's, it will because you have submitted them to its website.<br />
b) Facebook has about 650 million users, this means that statisticlally you are about 30 times less likely to have your photo's hijacked by Mark Zuckerberg than of winning the lottery, and 150 times less likely to be struck by lightning, 75 times less likely to be struck by lightning twice, about the same odds as waking up and it was all a dream and that you are actually a dog on a sofa in a 3 bedroom house in Basildon, Essex.<br />
<br />
But, I digress, back to my own and very real problems. The other day I downloaded an update for microsoft word, it promised me an easier life, more features and above all, happiness. When the upload had completed I restarted my computer and it transformed into a pen and a piece of paper. <br />
<br />
<img height="240" id="il_fi" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-m1ND09bd7W8/T7jVr0Jky2I/AAAAAAAACgc/eAG9xIhekmU/s320/pen_and_paper.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="320" /><br />
<br />
Similarly, my Macafee anti virus had expired and needed updating, I paid the annual subscription, hit the download updates button and waited patiently for my newer, sheenier anti virus definitions. I awaited the protection and comfort that I have come to expect from a solid and trusted name like Macafee. Once the download was completed, I clicked on the icon expecting not only virus protection, but happiness, the future and a better life. What I found was a Columbo style supersleuth mystery, in which a multimillionairre man wrongly accused of the murder of his next door neighbour, tried to uncover the murderer whilst clearing his name.<br />
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<img height="224" id="il_fi" src="http://c3scs.jp.s-msn.com/article/images/20121112/bfb2c06d-dcd9-430c-83d0-b5197ec021bc_n.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /><br />
<br />
It was riviting, but it was not what I paid for. At least the updated version of microsoft word which turned my laptop into a pen and a piece of paper was able to serve its purpous, this was just a pulp novel, part 'The Fugitive, Part 'Murder She Wrote'.<br />
<br />
I wrote an E-mail to John Macafee to complain that his product was not as good as it had previously been, it was really elequently written, full of long flowery words and lots of emotive language, just like an E-mail complaint should be. All I got back was an automated E-mail excaliming that John Macafee couldnt respond to my correspondance because he was currently on the run from the Belizian authorities. Then it occured to me, John Macafee hadn't even bothered to compose a fictional piece of writing but had just written down his own experiences to replace with his anti virus protection, this was just laziness, and for that reason, I shall not be using Macafee again but will be switching to Norton.<br />
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<br />manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-68100494215055978902012-11-06T19:39:00.002+00:002012-11-06T19:39:41.966+00:00An Uneasy Guide to the 2012 US election.The US election leaves many people a little bit bemused. There is nothing anyone in Britain can do about it, and even if we had the vote, then roughly half of us would be left dissapointed and the other half would be all smug for four years until the next general election. There tends to be a 50% split in the vote with 1% either way swinging it for either presidential hopeful. The winner can do things like declare war on various Middle Eastern countries, recieve blow jobs from interns or get their brains blown out while in the back of a car, or if they are lucky, all three.
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<img height="320" src="http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/28503696.jpg" width="320" />
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So back to the problem of 50% of the electorate being left dissapointed by Obama getting into power when half of America wanted Romney to win or vice versa. There may be a solution. People very much enjoyed the theatre of the live debates between Mitt and Barrack. There were some comedy goldmines like the "Binders Full of Women" shenanigans. We found out exactly what these two men were going to do with the nation, which direction they were going to take America in and how they are going to solve some of the most complicated problems ever seen by a Commander in Chief. It is for this reason that I think in the hours leading up until the announcement as to whohas won the election, both candidates should be flown to the swing state of Ohio, where in a televised competition both Obama and Romney should masturbate furiously onto a biscuit, and the one who ejaculates last will have to eat the biscuit.<br />
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<img height="240" src="http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2009/9/9/1252501247384/biscuits-002.jpg" width="400" />
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Biscuit?
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If Obama was to outgun Romney then the people who initially voted for him would be so disgusted by the fact that he ate a spunk covered biscuit, that it would probably take them 4 years to get over it. If Obama was voted in and still lost the game then the alienated republicans would be comforted by the thought that Barrack Obama would do absolutely anything for his country.
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<img height="256" src="http://newshour.s3.amazonaws.com/photos/2012/10/16/facingoff_blog_main_horizontal.jpg" width="400" />
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"I will be using this hand to wank onto the biscuit" "And I shall be using this one to wank onto the biscuit."<br />
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Another idea I has was that perhaps Michelle Obama and Ann Romney, the wives of the presidential candidates, should both take a televised shit with a CNN camera underneath Ann and a Fox News camera underneath Michelle, and political analysts from either side could make disparaging about the way in which they squeezed out their shits, the consistency of their shit, the colour and content of their shits and that kind of thing... although as I am typing it out I am starting to think it is a little bit nasty, and it isn't really Michelle Obama's fault that she is married to barrack any more than it is Ann's fault she is married to Mitt. For that reason, I'm not going to insist on the presidential candidates wives shitting on worldwide TV, I'm going to stick with insisting that the presidential candidates wank onto a biscuit instead.<br />
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<img height="233" src="http://www.urantiansojourn.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/palincrock.jpg" width="320" /><br />
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Sarah Palin was said to be looking forward to eating both Michelle Obama's and Ann Romney's shit.<br />
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At the moment I dont think that it should have any standing over who should go into government, but who knows, eventually this competition could completely replace democracy. Afterall, would this be the kind of rite of passage that would attract the power hungry? Only people prepared to do anything in service of their nation would be. And also it might reduce the need for people writing pros and cons of Presitential Candidates, like the one eloquantly written by Political Commentator, Philosopher and Pimp'O'Pimp Daddy Mac: Snoop Doggy Lion.<br />
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<img src="http://i.huffpost.com/gen/803219/thumbs/o-SNOOP-OBAMA-ROMNEY-570.jpg?1" /> manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-49996197234265539342012-10-10T11:42:00.001+01:002012-10-10T11:42:08.085+01:00Art is still rubbish<br />
Art has always been a bone of contention, something I have enjoyed but never been very good at... <br />
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Here is an example of my greatest piece of work, which has attracted the most interest at various auction houses around the world...<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BiI5pqqr0KY/UHVJMj9lpZI/AAAAAAAAALw/sBvCYZ3NqNQ/s1600/pink+head.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" nea="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BiI5pqqr0KY/UHVJMj9lpZI/AAAAAAAAALw/sBvCYZ3NqNQ/s320/pink+head.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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The piece 'Pink headed sad bastard with Green Balloon'.<br />
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<strong>Phase 1. Interpretation.</strong><br />
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You would think that someone with a green balloon would be happy, right? well yeah but Pink headed bastard isn't. because the balloon has hidden meaning, it is something that floats away when you let go. Pink headed sad bastard is sad because he knows that eventually, he is going to have to let the balloon go when he needs to go to the toilet or eat or do perform whatever bodily function that humans are bound to do by the laws of nature. So there is the hidden meaning in the balloon. BUT WAIT! there is more to it than that because the colour green is also loaded with meaning. Green is the colour of envy. We've all heard of the green eyed monster... <br />
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<strong>Phase 2. The problems of interpretation</strong><br />
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Does green always mean envy? well, no. It could mean something completely different, the fact that this picture has been drawn by an <em>artiste </em>means that the interpretation you are probably thinking of is wrong, because you are simply a plebian and not fit to clean the clingits from his bumhole. Artists are often plagued by things that help their creativity, but ultimately destroy them, Eg: Heroin, Cocaine, Alcohol etc... From here you can see that the artist is carrying something fragile, which could burst at any time. The balloon represents the artists psyche and its green colour represents the fact that it sad pink head bastard is an alcoholic; this is something that is backed up by the shade of pink headed sad bastards face. The green obviously represents Absinthe, the green fairy. Idiots.<br />
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<img src="http://buyabsinthe.net/img/absinthe.jpg" /><br />
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see?<br />
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<strong>Phase 3. ... Someone arguing with you claiming their interpretation is more accurate.</strong><br />
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This is what turns me off art all together, the fact that there is someone who thinks their interpretation is more definitive than yours (or more importantly, mine.) These kind of disputes pop up all the time in art. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Classificatory_disputes_about_art">This is a wiki entry about disputes over what art is.</a><br />
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<strong>So how do we fix this whole sorry mess?</strong><br />
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Create your own art movement, start with a manifesto, give it a stupid name.<br />
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<strong>Then what?</strong><br />
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Go to the Tate modern in London's South Bank/<br />
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<strong>And then?</strong><br />
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Go into the Rothko room with a marker pen, and scribble your name on a priceless Rothko painting, it is much easier than actually making your own art, and you can say something which will force people to look at your manifesto... you could make it look something like this...<br />
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<img src="http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/c18.0.403.403/p403x403/374083_10151210785864260_1874207473_n.jpg" /><br />
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Of course, everyone will get upset with you for defacing such a beautiful piece of blah blah blah and other pretentious precious shit that falls out of art critics mouths like manure from the anus of a cow. Ultimately you will be arrested for vandalism but it doesn't matter, Artists should suffer for their art. Because you are a scrawny artist and not a proper criminal you will probably get fiddled with by bigger men in prison. They will steal your dinner, make you look after contraband and possibly bumsex you. You'll get found hanging in a cell, because artists dont make good inmates.<br />
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<strong>Still Want to do Art?</strong><br />
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No is the answer. Listen to your parents, they want what's best for you. Take that office job, sign on and go on the dole, become a lawyer, astronaut or racecar driver because Art is a closed shop, and besides; as an <em>artiste </em> myself, I don't want any more competition.<br />
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<strong>Now who wants to start the bidding on 'Pink Headed Sad Bastard With Green Balloon'? Bidding Starts at five hundred thousand pounds.</strong><br />
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<br />manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-44670476990201203962012-09-21T18:03:00.001+01:002012-09-21T18:47:42.896+01:00Harmless fandom, or something more sinister?<br />
The innocence of muslims, a student film made earlier this year, has sparked outrage in the muslim world. Widespread protests have occured and several people have been murdered. With damage to property, assaults, murders and outrage; there are pockets of Islam that are acting anything, except innocent! (hahaha)<br />
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<img height="223" id="il_fi" src="http://www.coverups.com/photos-media/islamic_intolerance.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="320" /><br />
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The film itself has been around since June but was only picked up by the press in September, around about the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. It is for this reason that many people think that this is not a co-incidence and is probably part of some covert media war. The fact that the film looks like an absolute piece of shit filmed on a shakey cam with cardboard sets and arabs being played by people with boot polish on their face.<br />
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<img height="239" id="il_fi" src="http://rt.com/files/news/israeli-filmmaker-hiding-muhammad-932/muslims-innocence.n.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="320" /><br />
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Towel? Check. Cardboard Desert Backdrop? Check... Lights... Camera... ACTION!<br />
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It is important that we don't single out Islam as being the only touchy group when it comes to their way of life or their beliefs being criticised. When 'The Last Temptation of Christ' was released, it recieved widespread criticism and attracted outrage from the Vatican for suggesting that Jesus was taken down from the cross by Satan and lived a normal life, having a wife and children.<br />
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<img height="174" id="il_fi" src="http://thisdistractedglobe.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Last-Temptation-of-Christ-1988-Willem-Dafoe-Harvey-Keitel-pic-7.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="320" /><br />
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...and portraying him as a ginger.<br />
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So it isn't just muslims who who get upset about their religion getting messed around with. This doesn't excuse Islam, it doesn't get a free pass to carry on smashing up US embassies. It's simply not cricket.<br />
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So it's all religions fault not Islam or Christianity? Well, not really: we could find examples of extremism well away from religion.<br />
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Let's have a look at some of the comments that Selena Gomez got while she was with Justin Bieber...<br />
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"Stay away from Justin pedophile. I'm gonna kill ya in the night underneath your smelly bed" If you liked that one you'll love... "Dear Selena Gomez. I hate you more than life. Go jump off a cliff. K?" This isn't all that far from "Behead those who insult Islam."<br />
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<img height="194" id="il_fi" src="http://image.blingee.com/images19/content/output/000/000/000/7b5/772202469_354681.gif" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="259" /><br />
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Alright, chill out.<br />
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Bieber is a case in point about how fans can issue fatwas just as quickly as Muslim Clerics, but just as fundamentaslist are the Twilight fans...<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cmuSfHrBcRg/UFyRqPl3zNI/AAAAAAAAALg/FotsW7qQkFc/s1600/behead.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="190" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cmuSfHrBcRg/UFyRqPl3zNI/AAAAAAAAALg/FotsW7qQkFc/s320/behead.png" width="320" /></a><a href="http://www.ranker.com/">www.ranker.com</a> has three examples of Twilight fans assaulting non fans for making disparaiging comments about the book and film franchise, one where a flaregun was fired at a group of people and another where a schoolgirl tried to slit the throat of a classmate. <br />
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So it is starting to look like fanatacism isn't just for the religious, in fact there is a whole new breed of fanaticism being bred right under our noses, some might say that we are nurturing. Why is this not in the newspapers? Why are we not doing anything about it? Why is there no shady prison camp in Cuba or some other remote part of the world to deal with these fuckers? Well this is where I can start to construct a whole conspiracy theory about the children we (or more specifically, the media) are raising. <br />
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At the same time as covertly declaring a war on Islam, the media is also covertly raising an army of militants to fight them. Westernised people, no longer bring up their children, they leave it to shows like Barney and Adventure Time and Spongebob Squarepants. When they realize at the age of twelve that the world isn't full of bubbles and rainbows and bright colours and talking animals, they seek shelter. Either in a fantasy world, like Harry Potter or the Twilight series, where they can get lost, indoctrined and radicalized. <br />
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<img alt="SCARY - critical-analysis-of-twilight Photo" border="0" class="border_black" height="298" src="http://images2.fanpop.com/image/photos/9300000/SCARY-critical-analysis-of-twilight-9344206-600-449.jpg?1348249528630" style="border: 0pt currentColor; display: block; margin: 0pt; padding: 0pt;" title="SCARY - critical-analysis-of-twilight Photo" width="400" /><br />
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In the mean time the media continues to construct Islam as the enemy. The next logical step is Fox news announcing that Muslims have kidnapped Justin Bieber and Robert Pattinson. Naturally, the Twihards and Beliebers will unite and mobilize. This will set in motion the final battle. <br />
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My point is simple, are we going to allow the media to portray Islam as a threat, when there is an even greater threat lurking in every street across the UK. It could be our children, our nieces or our nephews. We can only walk around with our eyes shut for so long before we realize, we are allowing 20thCenturyFox to use our children as the soldiers of tomorrow against Muslims. <br />
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It's obvious isn't it? <br />
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So what can we do to stop our kids being dragged into the final conflict and stopping them from becoming foot soldiers in Rupert Murdoch's hitleresque scheme to rid the world of Islam? Don't let them buy the Sun, obviously.<br />
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Equally, we can't blame everything on the Sun or Newscorp. We are to blame for allowing Murdoch to get to a point where he could dictate how we should be thinking, what summer blockbusters we are all going to see this year, who our enemies should be. In all honesty, What has Islam ever done to us? (apart from blow up a few planes, trains and busses of course.)<br />
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<br />manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-83047897415207304332012-09-12T18:01:00.002+01:002012-09-12T18:01:35.696+01:00Asteroid?If you are a massive geek, you will be aware that in recent days, Jupiter took a direct hit from a giant asteroid which was heading roughly in the direction of the Earth.<br />
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<img height="320" id="il_fi" src="http://img.metro.co.uk/i/pix/2009/07/asteroidREU_450x550.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="261" /><br />
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While it is great news that Jupiter got hit and not Earth, Jupiter isn’t going to be here every time to save us, it has other places to be it’s got moons to look after and an orbit to fulfil. <br />
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With several asteroids sharing an orbit with the Earth, inevitably, we will eventually get one, hopefully it will land on America like it always does in the films, they will be able to sort that shit out won’t they? They have the self belief and the gumption and the never say die attitude that would get us through.<br />
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Well, no. Not really. The size and speed of the asteroids on the orbit path of Earth would probably destroy 70-85% of all life on the continent it hits in the first few days. The Tunguska Event involved a small comet disintegrating some 5000 ft above ground level in Siberia. Even so, its effect on ground level was 1000 times more powerful than the bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki combined. I would like to see Bruce Willis have a crack at sorting that.<br />
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<img height="300" id="il_fi" src="http://www.virginmedia.com/images/1action-gal-bruce-willis.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="220" /><br />
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Too old for this shit etc...<br />
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If you are lucky enough not to be in the epicentre of the blast, it would be a good idea to get up a hill, a mountain, the highest ground you can find really (although bear in mind that oxygen starts to get thinner the higher you go.) The chances are that any asteroid would hit the sea, as it covers 75% of the Earth, this will cause the sea levels to rise by between 3 metres and 300 metres, so all you smug people who live in Brighton or San Francisco because you’re cool. HAHA.<br />
<br />
<br />
<img height="264" id="il_fi" src="http://www.hoax-slayer.com/images/tsunami-dust-wave.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /><br />
<br />
<br />
If you are hill people or particularly good at surfing, then you have survived phase one of the tidal wave, well done. Next up, the firestorms! Most of these Asteroids contain a core of dense radioactive material, and as well as that, if they are to dent the Earth deeply enough they will release magma beneath the surface of the earth by between 12 and 120 miles depending on the angle that it hits at. Expect global firestorms. The water that you were running away from now becomes your only real means of survival. The trick is to get on high ground, but not too high. Fortunately the firestorms will only last for a week or so, so umbrellas at the ready.<br />
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<img height="300" id="il_fi" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_maJwyHkG4QA/S9bX3i4LjsI/AAAAAAAAAbE/wLT52O0FOXs/s400/michael-fish2.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="300" /><br />
<br />
So, providing we survive the impact, tsunamis and firestorms, we’re safe right? Well not really. For the following 12-15 months as a result of the nitrogen and sulphur dioxide in the air, there will be a constant flow of acid rain. Killing most plantlife, destroying and disfiguring statues and buildings made from limestone and leaving our drinking water supply decimated. Good job there are hundreds of millions of litres of bottled drinking water stored in supermarkets across the globe.<br />
<br />
Any plants that survive the acid rain will not be able to photosynthesise because of the giant dustclouds obscuring sunlight from the Earth. But never fear, with millions of supermarkets worldwide, there will be a large amount of food to hunt down in the following months. So surviving the famine and droughtas well as the acid rain firestorm tsunami and actual impact of the Asteroid hitting, will probably leave us able to get back to normal? Well, there is the small matter of nuclear radiation.<br />
<br />
<img height="240" id="il_fi" src="http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/390000/images/_394930_blast300.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /><br />
<br />
You think that's bad? just wait until the asteroid hits.<br />
<br />
Asteroids tend to be made from bits of stars and tend to be incredibly radioactive, due to the fact that the atoms which make up these are heavier due to having extra neutrons, as well as that, the centre of the earth is also incredibly radioactive, due to the fact that the earth is essentially made up of several asteroids that have crashed into each other, all of which were incredibly radioactive. This means most of the surviving population will be subject to radiation sickness, birth defects or sterility and cancer. I don't mean to paint a bleak picture but it really doesn't look good. This doesn't necassarily have to drastically effect your way of life, providing either you are a survivalist, or we colonise other planets in the not too distant future. <br />
<br />
So don't despair, I have given you a head start, and if you clicked on this link expecting a gushy geeky reminisce about the 1970s computer game 'asteroid', then appy poly gys, as Anthony Burgess might say, just so you are not completely dissapointed, here is a screenshot.<br />
<br />
<img height="326" id="il_fi" src="http://plusxp.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/asteroidsscreen.gif" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="434" /><br />
<br />
because life used to be so simple when asteroids could be destroyed by a triangle with three dots coming out of it.<br />
<br />
<br />manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-60774418362703121492012-09-11T17:56:00.001+01:002012-09-11T19:06:42.877+01:00Other things that happened on September 11th<br />
Today is a day synonymous with the worst attrocity on anyone in history ever (apart from maybe the holocaust) (and the Armenian Genocide) (and maybe the slavery thing) (and probably lots of other stuff upon reflection.) but the fact is that September 11th will always be known for the attacks on the world trade centre by a group of <strike>Afghan</strike> <strike>Iraqi</strike> Saudi and Egyptian terrorists, of course a plane went into the pentagon as well, but because there wasn't any shakey cam footage of that happening, it kind of gets forgotten.<br />
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<img p="p" src="http://www.leadingtowar.com/LTW.images/client_supplied_images/miscellaneous/MohamedAttaVisa.jpg" /><br />
<br />
Mohamed Mohammed Atta, who was neither Afghan or Iraqi.<br />
<br />
All this kind of overshadowed all of the other things that have happened on other September 11th's. My first thought from this is that it is a good job that other historical events don't get jealous, or there would be a lot of events that fell on previous or subsequent september 11th's's. But then I had a second thought, and that was this: Just because an event can't speak or doesn't have a physical embodiment, it doesn't necassarily mean that it doesn't have feelings, it is for this reason that I am going to give some other things that happened on september 11th the airtime that they deserve.<br />
<br />
What is interesting is that there have been a few other air crashes on september 11th, one in 1968 off the coast of Nice, in the south of France, and another in 1974 crashing near North Carolina in the US. <br />
<br />
So having 3 planes crash on September 11th 2001, is nothing special really, planes have a historical knack of crashing on that date, so why should the world trade centre attacks be considered special? <br />
<br />
Not only that but it wasn't even the first hijacking to occur on the 11th of September, the culmination of the Dawson Field hijacking by the PLO occured on september 11th, when 88 hostages were released. of course, the hijacking occured on september 6th but it wouldn't have made sense to mention that in a blog titled 'Other Things That Happened on Sept 11th' so pretend I never said it.<br />
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<img height="253" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/41/Dawsonfieldcamels.jpg/800px-Dawsonfieldcamels.jpg" width="400" /><br />
<br />
<br />
Another terrorist attack occured in New York when a group of Croatian nationals planted a bomb in Grand Central station in 1976, killing a rather unimpressive one <em>people </em>which I know isn't gramatically correct but I can't bring myself to say 'person' because it would make their efforts even less impressive, and they obviously made an effort. they popped a bomb in the station and everything.<br />
<br />
So far I've only gone on about disasters, hijackings and terrorism, which is kind of what september 11th is all about, unfortunately.<br />
<br />
<br />
In 1978, then president Jimmy Carter pushed through a bill making September 11th national Grandparents day, which is much nicer than having to remember a terrorist attack, if I had to choose between remembering my grandparents and the world trade centre attacks, I'd much rather remember my Grandparents... well the ones on my dads side anyway, the ones on my mums side were fucking horrible, I'd rather remember any number of things before them.<br />
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<a href="http://evilladies.com/http://evilladies.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/evil-old-ladies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://evilladies.com/http://evilladies.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/evil-old-ladies.jpg" width="237" /></a></div>
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Her voice had to be disguised on TV for political reasons.<br />
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See? I tried to make that one a nice one and even then a nice little reminisce about my grandparents descended into an obscure reference for IRA terrorism that anyone growing up in the 80s in Britain would recognise.<br />
<br />
So trying to reclaim September 11th as a day when we remember nice things has been a total failure, which has left me rather disheartened, which is rediculous because at the start I don't think I was even trying to make september 11th more fluffy.manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-10079872146913320902012-08-01T01:31:00.000+01:002012-08-01T01:31:41.385+01:00Olympic U-turn<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The good thing about being a semi- anonymous blogger is that
I can change my mind without anyone noticing. I was initially quite cynical
about the Olympic games being held in London, some might say I were a sourpuss,
others might have called me a miserable whiney cunt, or a ‘stupid prick’ a few
might have called me a <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Roynish Clown</span>
(they are the ones that I like the best because you can’t beat a bit of
Shakespearian <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">insultery</i> ) To these
people, I say ‘fuck off’ I am allowed an opinion. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<img height="200" id="il_fi" src="https://cache.nebula.phx3.secureserver.net/obj/RURBNEFGOUYyOUVDRUJERDFGNzI6MjQ5ZmIxNmJiZjY3OGFiMzBjY2Q0NTAwMTkwNmFiMGY=" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="300" /><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Out of these three distinctive types of people, there may be
subgroups who might be happy that I have changed my minds (for I have many,
that wasn’t just a typing error that I decided to leave in there so that I
could write some bizarre explanation about having lots of minds, even though it
isn’t true,) about the Olympics, that once the politicians have all shut the
fuck up, and I have managed to zone out the overload of McDonalds, Coca-Cola
and other companies tagging the Olympic name next to theirs even though these
companies are ideologically opposed to the spirit of sport, fitness and
inclusivity (not sure why I used inclusivity as the third in the rule of three,
but then again I have not written anything in a while, so if anyone reads it,
they will hopefully give me a break,) where was I? Ah yes, that once the dust
settled on the hype and I actually saw the Olympics in action, that I might
change my mind; Because of this the three categories 1) Sourpuss 2) miserable
whiney cunt/’stupid prick’ 3) <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Roynish
Clown</span> will again split into three separate categories: 1) Yay! He
changed his mind and is getting into the Olympic spirit, 2) fucking silly cunt
doesn’t even have the integrity to stand by his convictions or 3) I don’t
really care, I expected him to do that and my original thoughts on him still
stand. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I now have 6 potential demographics of people I need to keep
happy and this is a lot of pressure… Some might say it is like spinning plates.
The way I see it, I have three options:<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<img height="298" id="il_fi" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FhR96JG7HU0/TYynMtV4KPI/AAAAAAAAAI4/TDDG-6FzhTo/s1600/plate%252Bspinner.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Option 1)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
Deny making any derogatory terms about the Olympics. One of the things that
changed my mind about the Olympics were the opening ceremony, Danny Boyle
refocused my attention on Britain’s achievements; Isembard Brunel, literature,
music, Mike Oldfield, Paolo Nutella and multiculturalism. The last one, funnily
enough was enough to upset the Tory MP Aiden Burley and the Daily Mail writer
Rick Dewsbury both of whom backtracked (or in the Daily Mail example, was
probably backtracked by an editor who realized that this sounds racist even for
the daily mail.) after making some quite borderline comments. Seeing as these
people have probably never been to Thamesmead, Woolwich, Peckham, Tottenham,
Brick Lane, Whitechapel, Ladbroke Grove, Brixton, Stockwell, Westbourne Park,
Harlesden, Kilburn, or any other part of London that isn’t Richmond upon
Thames, or Belgravia; they would fail to see how multiculturalism actually
works. The Daily Mail article originally looked like this: <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
“<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">This was supposed to be a
representation of modern life in England but it is likely to be a challenge for
the organisers to find an educated white middle-aged mother and black father
living together with a happy family in such a set-up.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
</span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Almost, if not every, shot in the
next sequence included an ethnic minority performer. The BBC presenter Hazel
Irvine gushed about the importance of grime music (a form of awful electronic
music popular among black youths) to east London. This multicultural equality
agenda was so staged it was painful to watch.”<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><span lang="EN"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">before
being edited to look a little more like this:</span> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">“This was supposed to be a
representation of modern life in England but such set-ups are simply not the
‘norm’ in any part of the country. So why was it portrayed like this and given
such prominence? If it was intended to be something that we can celebrate, that
two people with different colour skin and different cultural heritages can live
harmoniously together, then it deserves praise.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
</span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">But what will be disturbing to
many people is top-down political manipulation – whether consciously or
unthinkingly – at a major sporting event.”<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I could go back in
time and revise all the statements I had ever made to fit in with my viewpoint
as it is today, (or at least make my views seem less in a light that will make
me look bad. which is exactly what the daily mail did.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p> <img height="400" id="il_fi" src="http://www.toptenz.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/stalin-smiling.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="273" /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<o:p>...and Stalin.</o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Option 2) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Pretend I was hacked, which is, no doubt what the girl who
made the abusive twitter comment to Tom Daily is doing at the very second I am
writing this. And that is the reason why there is one anti Olympic standpoint
and a reasonably pro standpoint next to it. Obviously, having two different
viewpoints isn’t quite the same as insulting prominent sportsmen over the
internet about their dead dad what died of a brain tumour, but in the cold
light of day, it is apparently the good thing to do to stand by your principles
and stick to your guns. Which is why I have so much respect for the Catholic
Church, because they won’t change their mind on the use of contraception even
though it could prevent a HIV epidemic in the developing world, like they
didn’t change their mind when Galileo announced that the Earth went around the
sun, not vice-versa? So if I were to pretend to have been hacked, I would be
able to maintain the same high morals and sheer bloody mindedness of God’s
representative on earth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<o:p><img height="240" id="il_fi" src="http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Media/Pix/pictures/2012/7/31/1343750919583/Tom-Daley-008.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /> </o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<o:p>Tom Daley... probably praying to the pope, or god or something.</o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Option 3) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just leave it so that the six potential demographics might
realize that it isn’t a problem to change your mind. Someone living in an
Olympic hotspot (and there are fuckloads of them) may be worried about the
impact it might have on their lives and then after seeing the Olympic machine
in action, have their mind put at rest. The problem with this is that if people
don’t like this, or indeed any of my other blogs, they might anonymously write
‘stupid prick’ in the comments page, and if that were to happen, I’d be
shattered, my fragile ego left in taqtters, (which is just the word tatters but
with a typing error in it, and that ‘q’ alone, denotes that the mere thought of
someone anonymously writing ‘stupid prick’ in a comments section of my blog
makes me so upset thst it s stoping mem frm typring prprley.) I take solace in
the fact that if hypothetically someone did write ‘stupid prick’ in the
comments section of one of my blog-posts, that they probably wouldn’t have been
able to articulate a decent response to any witty comeback that I might have
made in return: which would have been either <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">a)</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m
sorry you feel that way, manmachine201 does everything in its power to make its
reader (casual or otherwise) and we are sorry that on this occasion we have
failed to do so. Please accept my middle finger which smells of your mums
vagina held under your nose whilst I stick the middle finger up your bum. (My
big toe has been up your gran too, so that is three generations of your family
I have inserted myself into, but then again, that is exactly the kind of place
you might expect to find a ‘stupid prick.’)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 36pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Regards<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Manmachine201<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">b)</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">More
like you are one!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"> </span>c)</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ouch,
that really hurt my feelings.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Obviously all this is hypothetical, so if it ever were to
happen, I would use one of those options above, but all this is swaying very
much from the point that once I have gotten over the unease of the huge
military presence in my home town, been put at rest by the enthusiasm and
friendliness of the Olympic volunteers (who have made the area I live in a joy
to wander through) and allowed myself to get emotional at the opening ceremony,
it turned out that the Olympics isn’t that bad at all, and if that makes me a
stupid prick, then I’ll gladly piss through the cat flap of anyone who told me
so.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now I’m off to BBC red button… there is female weightlifting
on and this stupid prick isn’t gonna pull itself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><img height="301" id="il_fi" src="http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/07/31/article-0-144FC827000005DC-541_634x478.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">PHWOOOOOOOAAAR!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-63746942885634553502012-06-25T19:35:00.002+01:002012-06-25T19:39:27.006+01:00How Marxism ruined Euro 2012<img height="96" src="https://p.twimg.com/AwL481ZCIAAYHcn.png" width="400" /><br />
<br />
This morning I watched Breakfast on the BBC. I was a little sad to see the England penalty misses. I found it strange that both of the people who missed were called Ashley. It was this afternoon that someone linked this to me. It was at this point that it suddenly dawned on me. That wasn't a replay of the two England penalty misses I saw, because the BNP's facebook site states quite categorically that the BBC hasn't shown any replays, of the England players penalty misses, and that the reason for this is for no other reason than their blackness. I simply imagined the report at 6.45am, Where Ashley Young rattled the crossbar, followed by a cut to a softly taken penalty from Ashley Cole 7.15am Where Ashley Young rattled the crossbar, followed by a cut to a softly taken penalty from Ashley Cole And at 7.45am, Where the BBC showed footage of Ashley young hitting the crossbar from the penaltyspot followed by a quick edit to Ashley Cole's penalty being saved by Gianluigi Buffon, who didn't point both his fingers at his Italian because it wasn't shown... I eventually realized that the BBC had not only not shown the penalty misses 4 times in one hour this morning as I was getting ready for work, but that they refused to acknowledge that there were any black people in the England squad, through fear of offending the black community.<br />
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<img height="225" id="il_fi" src="http://www.thefa.com/~/media/Images/TheFAPortal/Pillars/England/euro-2012/england-press/england-press-generic.ashx?bc=White&as=1&h=349&w=620&c=facupgallery" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /><br />
For example: This is the BBC footage of a Danny Welbeck interview.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Q48nKvEJH8w/T-ioHGoIlRI/AAAAAAAAALE/GOc2BW5vgMY/s1600/England.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Q48nKvEJH8w/T-ioHGoIlRI/AAAAAAAAALE/GOc2BW5vgMY/s400/England.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Not only that, but I also discovered that not only not seeing the penalty misses three times on the BBC as I was getting ready for work this morning because black people missed them; I also saw that because the England team were completely bad and couldn't string together a single full 90 minute performance, that every picture of a black player has been edited out of every official picture... The above pic, is from the opening game against France, if you look carefully, you will see that Wayne Rooney is actually four of the players in the picture... AND HE WAS SUSPENDED FOR THE FRANCE GAME!! IF ONLY THERE WAS SOMETHING EVEN BOLDER THAN CAPITAL LETTERS TO GET MY NEXT POINT ACROSS<strong><span style="color: red;"> <u>OH! WAIT! THERE IS! MY NEXT POINT IS THAT I DEFINATELY DIDN'T DOCTOR THAT PICTURE ON PAINTBRUSH FOR MY OWN PURILE AMUSEMENT! THE BBC DEFINATELY EDITED ALL THE BLACK PLAYERS FROM THE PICTURES! IT WASN'T ME!</u></span></strong><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;">Righty, So why would the BBC go to such extreme lengths to make me think that I saw the penalty misses from Cole and Young this morning whilst editing out any evidence that black people were on the team? </span><br />
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Well, it's Marxism isn't it?! Of course we live in a Marxist society. Another point I would like to make about Marxism is that it is often misunderstood, Das Kapital is a huge book, and as such it is open to misenterpretation. Yes it would be easy to think that the principles of Marxism would be to redistribute wealth more evenly, mass nationalisation and the abolition of ownership, but that would be a mistake, because Karl Marx's entire philosophy was based on covering up the penalty misses of any ethnic minorities.<br />
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<img height="400" src="http://www.historyguide.org/images/marx-bio.jpg" width="284" />
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So next time you have an essay about socialism in school, remember, all that stuff about sharing the wealth is just lies the secret Marxist-Zionist conspirators tell us. Not only are they covering up news reports about penalty misses, but they are also lying about what communism even is. the cunts.manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-31786818444297885422012-06-24T08:24:00.000+01:002012-10-10T10:51:38.015+01:00Some More Facts about Gay Marraige.A recent argument from a leading lobby group trying to block gay marraige claims that changing the legislation <strike>could also lead to legislation</strike> which would definately lead to the legalisation of polygamy and incest. This is one of the most worrying truths of the issues surrounding gay marraige; if this is passed through, people will eventually be abel to marry their sisters as well as brothers (because gay-incest marraige will also be legal) they will be able to marry everyone they meet at a party, eventually people will be able to marry cats, rats, fish, dogs, bats and cabbages. Elton John will also be able to marry himself.<br />
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<img height="320" src="http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/41145000/jpg/_41145468_party_lfi_elton3.jpg" width="320" /><img height="320" src="http://www.radionilo.com/resources/goat.jpg" width="241" /> <br />
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...or a goat.<br />
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Elton John is of course one of the leading voices in favour of gay marraige, as well as being the writer of the lion king soundtrack and being very hostile to Taiwanese journalists and getting really upset during a tennis game because someone said 'cooo-ey' to him, but has he thought seriously about the impact that allowing gays to marry would have on society? We already know that if gay marraige becomes legal then we will have no choice but to legalise polygamy and incest, because some MP's and Bishops said so... and probably paedophillia too, I'm not sure why the MP's and bishops never put that in the leaflet because it is so obviously as true as everything else they are saying... but what other effects will it have on society?<br />
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<img src="http://www.worldstatesmen.org/CHAOS.JPG" /> <br />
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Recent evidence to come out of the archives suggest that the September 11th attacks were not perpetrated by islamist militants, as we have believed for the past decade, they occured as a result of someone on each of the three planes saying the words 'gay marraige' forcing the planes to veer into the twin towers. If gay marraige legislation was to take place then there is a very real threat that every day will be september 11th.<br />
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<img src="http://theclearview.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/fukushima.jpg" /> <br />
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The Fukushima nuclear disaster last year was initially caused by a tsunami and earthquake, but recently physisists discovered several gay marraiges had worked their way into the tectonic plates creating a seizmic shift which not only caused the earthquake and tsunami, but also Hurricane Katrina which devestated New Orleanes a few years ago. There are very real fears that gay marraige will lead to far more natural disasters. Scientists said it so it is definately true. <br />
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Going back to the legal issues surrounding gay marraige, which was brought up by the lobbygroup, a recent study found that because of the mechanics of the legislation surrounding it, that if it were to be legalised then there would be no choice but to legalise murder, cannibalisation and genocide. Now I am all for equality but not at the expense of millions of lives. <br />
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There are also reports that the upsurge in illegal gay marraiges caused the global financial crisis, by destabalising quantitative easing on the FTSE 100 index. In spite of these carefully researched facts there appear to be more and more people coming out in favour as this following graph shows.<br />
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<img height="287" src="http://ubcpsych350.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/samesexmarriage2.png" width="400" /> <br />
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<a href="http://spe.fotolog.com/photo/62/37/114/eduardoverinaud/1287141608997_f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://spe.fotolog.com/photo/62/37/114/eduardoverinaud/1287141608997_f.jpg" width="251" /></a>One of the most worrying things about this is that the lines between those who favour and oppose, and all the dots on the graph, when drawn and put together, look like a diseased penis, which is probably a bigger reason to oppose gay marraige than any moral arguments or looking at the historical evidence which suggests that gay marraige is a bad idea. <br />
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Part of the problem is that gay people want to have the same rights as everyone else, but feel that by not being allowed to marry they are being treated as second class citizens, so perhaps we need to find another way to reach a concensus, it is obviously very dangerous to allow gay people to marry because it will lead to climate change, a further erosion of the global economy, wars and disasters BUT the fact remains that gay people do deserve to have the same rights as straight people, <br />
(not Adam and Steve...apparently.)<br />
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There is probably a way around it, and that would be to ban marraige all together, people who are currently married will all have to get divorced and there will be an upsurge in children born out of wedlock, because wedlock will be illegal. The wedding industry will suffer, but in general the wedding industry is probably on par with pyramid schemes in terms of its racketeering. I want the wedding industry to suffer because they are overcharging savages that I would like to see going bankrupt.<br />
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So if gay people can't get married lets have it so no one else is allowed to get married, gay people wouldn't get what they want but at least they would be on an equal footing with straight folk.<br />
<img src="http://cdn.thefreshxpress.com/freshxp/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/ban-marriage-big-300x300.png" />manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-23024625683698524162012-06-23T01:14:00.001+01:002012-06-23T01:30:47.874+01:00there's no such thing as a bad idea?<br />
<a href="http://www.ulcnetwork.com/biblealone.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.ulcnetwork.com/biblealone.jpg" /></a>As the most successful blogger in the world, today, you might see how I don't try so hard anymore when it comes to the uneasy guide to life. If you read back and follow all of the steps, you will have the perfect life, all thanks to my guide what I have put on't internet... thats alright, dont worry... stop it, I do blush! *gush* and all that stuff. If you were to have a philosophy then the uneasy guide to life would be a good philosophy to live by... love everyone, hate black people, love black people and not black people. fight the power, dont fight the power, sit there and conform, fuck yourself, dont fuck yourself. confused? you needn't be, just read the companion piece to the uneasy guide to life... <br />
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Lowest form of wit.
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Yes, the bible, often blamed for the ills of the world in modern society. We can safely assume that it is not the direct word of God, if indeed God exists, *insert theological argument here* brilliant, you can just pretend you have read a massive long argument that either supports or clashes with your view and you can join my cult/declare the nonexistence of god/declare jihad on me/ shrug your shoulders because you are still no clearer. YOU have 4 choices that I have given you, and numerous more that I didn't offer because you have already decided, you have thought about the correct answer for you and that is great, brilliant, pat yourself on the back.<br />
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Thought is a powerful tool, for example, someone thought about the possibility of spliting the atom and suddenly two bombs get dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.<br />
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<img height="300" src="http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Evils%20in%20Government/Communism/einstein-communist2.jpg" width="400" /><br />
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Nice one, we can blame the war, we can blame the Jews, we can blame the coalition, but the route of it was from one mans thought... but thinking is good you say? no, thinking is not good and you are an idiot for thinking that, lets look at the ideas of three thinkers and I will tell you why those thoughts amount to idiocy and usually genocide...<br />
<a href="http://realsociology.edublogs.org/files/2010/07/karl-marx354x440.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://realsociology.edublogs.org/files/2010/07/karl-marx354x440.gif" width="257" /></a><br />
Karl Marx, brilliant, everyone should get on and share their wealth. yes, this is a good idea, but it challenges previous ideas which have also cost millions of lives to maintain. Eg: the Roman empire, superiority, Papal control and all the other things that communists hate, like wealth, unequal distribution of power and stuff like that. Look at him! He looks like father Christmas! people who believe in father christmas are idiots and so are the people who believe in the teachings of Karl Marx. Fools. Not only that, but Marx, the person who concieved the modern notion of socialism, because of his stupid thoughts, led to Leninism, which in turn led to Stalinism, which led to the death of 30 million Russians, Germans and eastern europeans. great... so communism rocks! or communism is shit, but what caused communism?<br />
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<a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/1b/Nietzsche187a.jpg/548px-Nietzsche187a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/1b/Nietzsche187a.jpg/548px-Nietzsche187a.jpg" width="365" /></a>Next up we have Nietzche, the 'father of modern thought' who stated that God is dead, touched on the idea of a 'superman' or 'ubermensche' and that nothing we do now has any moral relevance to anything, nothing is good or bad, it simply is. I am not saying that this is a bad thing, in fact if used correctly, this way of thinking can help us evolve beyond god and all that gubbins... the only problem is that it ends up being the basis of Nazi thought...6 million dead. Determinism, morality doesn't exist, the only law is that of nature.<br />
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This is massively great shit. can't go wrong. Two thoughts 30-40 million dead. Should we continue blaming religion for all of the stuff going wrong or should we just be honest and say rational or irrational, it is all our fault?<br />
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Rousseau... the Social Contract, yes, this is all stuff that is supposed to lift us out of the tyranny of monarchy and stuff, what did Rousseau's line of thought lead to? yes, the French Revolution...<br />
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I asked the question what was the death toll of the french revolution to <a href="http://www.questionwebsite.com/">www.questionwebsite.com</a> and they said it was over a million, including that of the napoleonic wars, which is brilliant, it takes the three ideas that humans had and shows us the human cost that these human ideas had, not even bothering to incorporate christianity, islam, or any religious ideas I have a rought estimate of 50 million people dying before they should have done... this leads me to the conclusion that any human idea, whether secular or religious is a bad idea and will innevitably lead to the death of millions... <br />
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so next time you have an idea, do us all a favour and keep it to yourself.manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8238912079069063337.post-90818669148762213642012-06-01T23:49:00.003+01:002012-06-01T23:55:31.387+01:00DIAMOND JUBILEE AMAZING TRUTHS!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<em>Courtesy of Sydney Harbourbridge and Mambo Jamberstein, The two most tireless researchers at the university of life. Their best selling book 'The Bible' is available at Waterstones priced £14.99... Although Jamberstein claims not to have written any of it, he actually wrote all the bits about poo and willys.</em><br />
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<em>To Celebrate the Diamond Jubilee, they have tirelessly worked their way through, the British Library, Delphic Oracle, Wikipedia and several thousand internet pornography links to come up with a meticulously meticulous group of <strong>AMAZING TRUTHS!!!</strong></em><br />
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<ul>
<li>'the Queen was named after the band Queen'</li>
<li>Prince Charles has tried to kill his mother in order to take the throne, by dropping a massive anvil from a cliff edge whilst she runs past at high speed below.</li>
<li>the queen is so revered that if she were to have a limb cut off, another one would grow back, simply because that is what the public want.</li>
<li>The Queen has matched Marc Almond pint for pint in a cum drinking contest, on at least five occasions.</li>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Almond, unable to consume as much spunk as QE II</td></tr>
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<li>for the silver jubilee, renowned sculptor alexander calder made a bust of the queen out of his own shit as a gift, the queen was so happy with it that she ate it.</li>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Calders more abstract works were rejected for a more conventional sculpture, crafted out of his own faeces.</td></tr>
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Elizabeth II won the crown in a dance off with her sister, Margaret</div>
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When visiting African countries, the Queen is only really happy if the women do a funny dance with their tits flapping about.</div>
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to celebrate making swans the royal bird the queen had all british swans genetically modified so for every 10 eggs they lay the 11th egg will contain a first class stamp.</div>
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Elizabeth II's favourite song to sing at karaoke is Winona's Big Brown Beaver by Primus</div>
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the Queen invented the extendable baton, CS gas and the element Hydrogen.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Queen invented Hydrogen, which has recently become the most abundent and popular element in the known universe! Congratulations M'aam!</td></tr>
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Queen insists on a branch of the otherwise defunct chain of frozen food stores Bejams to be kept going perpetually within the grounds of Windsor Castle.</div>
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The Queen still believes that the sound of thunder is God moving furniture around in Heaven.</div>
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When Princess Diana died, the Queen had 'Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish' tattooed on her chest.but it was misspelt by the tattooist 'Bud Rabbish', in an English accident. Rabbish was coincidentally a peripheral character in the sequel to Saturday Night Fever, her nipples were the o's in 'good'.</div>
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During her christmas day TV adresses she likes to be naked from the waist down...she also likes to be naked from the waist up, but she's not allowed.</div>
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The Queens favourite past time is to dress up as African dictators, she was so convincing dressing up as Robert Mugabe that Peter Thatchel handcuffed himself to her by mistake, with hilarious results.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tatchell tricked into a protest with the Queen.</td></tr>
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<li>The Queen was the first Russian into space.</li>
<li>The Queen was the first dog into space.</li>
<li>The Queen was the first, second and third man on the moon.</li>
<li>The Queen is the only member of the royal family not to have gone to the moon.</li>
<li>When the Queen hears the national anthem, her vulva quivers so much that her knickers catch fire.</li>
<li>Before Elizebeth was born, The Queen Mum gave birth to a hole punch and a pocket calculator, they were twins but royal protocol states that women jump the succession line if born after stationary.</li>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">If not for Elizabeths birth, this could have been our monarch. </td></tr>
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<li>The original melody for 'God Save Our Queen' was the theme music from the 'Benny Hill Show'</li>
<li>If Bono, lead singer of Irish supergroup U2 ever dies then Royal Protocol dictates that the Queen would take over as the bands enigmatic front person.</li>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Uno, Dos, Tres, Catores!!</td></tr>
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<em>I hope you have found enlightenment in our unending search for the <strong>AMAZING TRUTHS</strong>. We have let nothing stop us from delivering them to you, even reality has been overcome in our quest to deliver the <strong>AMAZING TRUTHS. </strong>With Special thanks to the Royal Estate, BBC archives, Bono, and especially, Renothy Deekington, Mambo's evil twin, who has kindly fallen asleep long enough for us to escape his layer hidden under a volcano in the pacific to deliver the jubilee special <strong>AMAZING TRUTHS!!</strong></em><br />
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<strong><em><img src="http://dating101sydney.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/queen.jpg" /></em></strong></div>
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</div>manmachine201http://www.blogger.com/profile/02408623684779458317noreply@blogger.com0