Manmachine201 goes generic

Having been accused of being a bit repetitive I am going to delve into the world of the blog in an attempt to identify what is samey about a blog in an attempt to eliminate all sameyness. This is a very common template... Hello blah blog blog blah blog blah blah... blah blah words words and Justin Bieber.

Some Words!

So this is what the layman might call the introduction an insight into what the piece is going to be about accompanied by a picture of the subject of the article in question... next up comes some form of development of the idea. More words blah blah blah blog blog blog, about a paragraph in all which develops the idea further, followed by an amusing little epiphet about he might look if he was a fat lad.

another picture further developing the idea with several exclamation marks at the end!!!

From here I would normally veer off topic with an idea comparing Bieber with something to do with muslims. Garble garble nonsense, blog blah blah, blah blah would be good if he was a suicide bomber so he might die.

From here i stay on the topic I used as a tangent, thus subtly using the initial subject to ease in the reader.

Blahdyblah blah, revolution in the middle east, earthquakes in Japan, crude joke cruelly mocking victims of upheaval before inserting another picture.

Cutesy image to take the edge off the unthinkable thing I said in the previous paragraph.

From here I generally struggle to make the connection between subject A and subject B whilst attempting to maintain some information, or at the very least a sideways look at both subjects, and interlinking them with various degrees of success, saying something like "Justin Bieber is what all muslims would look like if we were on___________.

At this point I invite the reader to fill in the gap in an attempt to draw them in to my way of thinking... I will of course try to steer the implied reader with some more pictures so I maintain authorship.

LSD for example. I finish up with a paragraph or two about how I might be wrong, explaining why I am probably wrong but explaining in such a way which proves my original point, whatever that point might be, thus leaving the reader slightly disorientated as to what my actual opinion is. The point itself has very little to do with what I actually think, it is the method which is the most important aspect of the piece. By revealing this method of working it makes it very difficult to work in this way in future, therefore, I will have to either change method or risk some kind of backlash from the implied reader, being rendered formulaic and therefore irrelevant.

A picture of Liam Gallagher.

Then again, as long as I keep them coming I'm sure the implied reader wouldn't mind as long as they have 5 minutes to kill and chance across a link. So Justin Bieber= Muslims. Just in case you were not sure what the point of all this is. I would say that this is an even more important equasion than Einsteins theory of relativity.

A loosely connected picture to do with the thing about relativity that I said before the picture, and the fact that he has similar hair to Justin Bieber, which brings my point to a close.

We've all got baggage.

I don't normally come to this place to talk about what actually happened during my day, in general blogs that do are normally done by people who do things much more important than myself. or cunts.

..so you'll have to bare with me.

It all started at 6:10pm when I got on the 6:10pm train from Hades to the Metropolis, a train full of very important business people who had finished their important days work.

There were no seats in the carraige so I climbed up into the overhead baggage compartment much to the annoyance of the man whose jacket and bag I was sitting on. He tutted in annoyance much in the way I would have done if someone sat on my posessions, but hey! it was 6.10pm and needs must, even for someone less important than the man with the baggage. "If you don't want people sitting on your bags, I suggest you sit on them yourself." I said, and it was a response that I was proud of.



Which is a deadly sin.

After being sat down a few minutes after the important man angrily moved his posessions, I realized I was not in the overhead baggage area at all, but actually on a seat, I was right all along, something I should have started this with really but then it wouldn't have made as much sense to you, no doubt, and if I were more important I might have spotted it earlier, but because I'm as insignificant as I am I wasn't going to beat myself up about it. As much as I wanted to I didn't beat up the man I offended either, my arms are scrawney and there are more elequent ways of doing so.

So I did a shit on his bag.

After a few hours in a cell for being arrested for defacating in a public place I've had ample time to think about the situation. Karl Marx the well known sociologist is legendary in the field of Marxism, mainly because he created it. His body of work is immense, best known for 'Das Kapital' a study in class and its role in society. His lesser known works on 'Bagsism' are no less enlightening.



After reading Marx's study in peoples bags on trains and where they should be placed in terms of the importance of their owner I realized that I was wrong to sit anywhere near his bag and jacket, and that even though I had paid for a ticket on the train, and his bags hadn't, I was no less in the wrong.



"This is first class mate, fuck off to the cattle carraige."

It takes a big man to admit he is not as important as another man, and an even bigger man to admit that he is not as important as a mans bag, yet here I am admiting I was wrong. I was not the bigger man at the time, but I am the biggest man now, and of course there is always the works into society conducted by Levi -Strauss, in his seminal 'People who are on trains who put their bags on seats so that other people can't sit down are cunts.'



Ultimately, you may be a prince or a pauper, but if you choose to travel pleb class, you're just another arse on a seat, and if you find your bag taking up a seat when people are standing in a carraige on a train, you should ask yourself "Am I a total and utter fucking prick?" Invariably, the answer will be yes.

Even so, you can always act like a prick to your fellow man, because after all, some bags are more equal than others.

Goats.

A welcome distraction from Libya

Having being abroad with limited internet and TV access, I missed a chance to hit the blogosphere with a massive "What does Gadaffi have in common with Charlie Sheen" blog. Being too far from a computer I missed the chance and now there are probably millions of substandard blogs of the same material. I'll just mention a couple though, just for shits and giggles; they are both winners, for example, their people love them, they have both hit 7 gram rocks and finished them in a night, because thats the way they roll. They only have one gear... Go!



Actor Charlie Sheen on a balcony waving a sword.



And Gadaffi, with a melted face and a psychadelic background to boot.

Actually, the last statement is not true because Gadaffi is anti-drugs. He believes his enemies have been poisoned by mind altering drugs, stating, in the typical manner of a world leader:

"They give them pills at night, they put hallucinatory pills in their drinks, their milk, their coffee, their Nescafe,"



...And it wasn't even caffinated.

Now I never noticed product placement in Two and a Half Men, mainly because I never watched it, but I'm a little upset that an anti-western leader has sunk to the level of advertising brands in speeches.

For a blog which isn't about Sheen or Gadaffi I have talked about them alot, this is because I was in a country where the only English speaking channel was BBC world or CNN, both news channels... and for a whole week I was subjected to conflicting reports where the rebels claimed to be winning followed by reports that gadaffi forces claimed they were winning. It became disorientating, claustraphobic and towards the end, painful. The same with the tiny showbiz sections which were dominated by Charlie Sheen's sacking from 2 and a half men.



So as you can imagine, the largest earthquake in Japanese history came as light relief after a week of impending civil war. It's always lovely to get a new news story, when an old one has been dominating the press for too long. the editors of western news media were obvious in their decision, 'Libya, its been fun, we've liked you're will they?/won't they set up a no fly zone? It reminds our viewers of Ross and Rachel from friends, but something better has happened elsewhere in the world'.



"I went with the Japan story because we were on a break!"

So for that reason, I'm not entirely convinced that it was a bad thing, yes there are an estimated 10,000 deaths, but lets be honest, they're only the japenese aren't they, its not like they are anywhere near us.

Now this is the typical attitude of your average Sun reader, feigning sympathy before quickly turning the page to ogle the tits on page 3, but it is not my attitude, I love the Japanese... I have news for them, the Sun readers, not the Japanese, they have enough news at the moment.

The massive Japanese earthquake and big waves thing has caused damage to Nuclear powerplants in the aptly titled 'Fukushima', Being that it could be potentially 20 times more damaging to the planet than Hiroshima, I can see why the Japanese have settled on calling the city 'Fukushima'. there is an even bigger powerstation just up the road which is even closer to a faultline called Muthafukushima!!!!!! and it wasn't me that added the exclamation marks, it was all the Japanese fault (line)



I think its got something to do with the fact that the Japanese are all suisidal or something because they used to fly kamikaze planes into American boats in suicide missions. These powerplants are in essence a gigantic figurative nuclear kamikaze mission, a complex one which involved losing the war, becoming a major economic superpower in spite of this before lulling the west into a false sense of security, all the time planning to build powerstations over zones of the earth under threat from massive earthquakes.



The Japanese Nuclear kamikaze plot was clever, but this bizarre post 9/11 attack was actually rubbish.


The earthquake has added weight to the fight against nuclear power becoming the main source of energy in the 21st century, but is there any actual evidence to definitively prove that radiation is bad for mankind? Apparently it can cause cancer, deformities and destruction so one argument is that we should ban radiation and nuclear stuff? The CND leader Carol Naughton believes this is the right course of action to take.



Naughton.




And this is Anna Kournikova who for all I know was born inside the nuclear reactor at Chernobyl, but definately in the Ukraine in 1986.

The Evidence is clear, Carol naughton is jealous of radiation because it didn't make her as sexy as Anna, although admitedly, Naughton is probably a better tennis player.



Although there is some concrete evidence that radiation can have adverse effects, here is a distressing photo of a man horrifically deformed by radiation poisoning...

































So there, both sides of the argument nicely covered, I have left the humanitarian side of this crisis out on purpous, and haven't intended to cause any distress to the victims of this disaster, this piece is simply to lighten the mood in what is a very distressing time, and above all to get a cheap laugh at the expense of others, which is what life is all about.



This way to nuclear bunker.