What do we really know about Olly Murs

In a world where Alexandra Burke can win a competition in which hundreds of thousands of people have entered to be crowned the most talented, it might be easy to overlook someone like Olly Murs. But Burke is a very straightforward character, in some respects, a carbon copy of former X-factor winners Leona Lewis, and Michelle McManus. Murs on the other hand is all thing to all men. Cheeky chappy you wouldn't mind going to the pub with, a ladies man, a fashion icon, an artiste... a man with many facets. a bit like Roger, the man who released the album, 'The Many Facets of Roger'. Another multifaceted man is robin thicke, because he is as thicke as pigshit. Lots of facets. But these facets pale in significance compared to the pork pie hatted Murs... lots of facets. Upon a closer inspection we can see what these facets actually mean and therefore understand just who Olly Murs actually is... Like Thicke and Roger before him, this image shows that human nature is complex, the human animal will be subject to many emotions, will struggle between rationale and base animal instinct. Philosophers have struggled over the millenia to reconcile this tension but to no avail, this is simply another (if somewhat sophisitcated) attempt. By looking at this section of the cover we can see that Murs is capable of looking at away from the screen, averting his gaze from the viewer, being disengaged, but to the left of him is a Murs more than willing to meet us in eye contact, in spite of the fact that he can look both up and towards us, these two juxtaposing images give no sign that Murs is capable of uncrossing his arms. Here we can see Murs staring into the unknown, contemplating the universal ideas of human existance. Is there a God? what are we doing here? Do I have cheese or beans with my toast? (Poor Olly hasn't even worked out that you can have both but he will get there one day.) This section of the cover is indesputably one of the more Freudian aspects of the image, the id versus the superego. Certain commentators believe that The Murs on the left celebrates as the Murs on the right concedes defeat in a battle to complete a sudoku puzzle but there is strong evidence to suggest that the Murs on the left is farting whilst the Murs on the right is embarrased and covering his mouth to hide his shame, whilst keeping the smell out of his nasal passage. This section of the cover also contains the universal ideas of Levi-Strauss's binary opposites, with the Left Murs being the aggressor and the Murs on the right being submissive. It is also undenyable evidence of Murs' arm unfolding ability an important trait in the modern world. The similarity between the 3rd and 6th image of murs bare a striking symmetry. Taken at slightly different angles they still help us get to the heart of what Murs wants us to see him as. Pondering, worrying, a possible element of self doubt, how come there is dust? However, body language experts are unconvinced by the sincerity of this pose. The hand covering the mouth could be a sign that he has something to hide. Is Murs lying to us? What is it he is scared to tell us? The final image is telling, it reveals Murs to be not just a cheeky chap from Essex but a ten legged satanic beast sent from the depths of the unknown to torment us for the rest of eternity. Sure, he comes across as personable, but it becomes clear what all those facets are actually there for, to hide his true intention to be a puppet to the Cowell fame factory acting on every whim and will of the darker forces of nature. If it means releasing a shit cod reggae track, so be it. If it means sneaking into the bedroom of every child in Britain and eating our firstborn, I'm sure he'd do that too. Some people would go to great lengths to be famous. So when the X-factor does start at the end of August, think hard about who to vote for, because by voting for these people, you are giving them the chance to enter your homes, and you don't want a ten legged agent of darkness entering your home do you? This, of course, raises further questions, how did he hide this deformity throughout the X-factor audition process? Why didn't ITV stop this if they knew? How can Cowell justify exposing this to the public? Like Cronus, Murs could easily be capable of eating his own children. And yours. Then again, there is every chance that I have just been staring far too hard at this album cover for far too long and read more into it than there actually is. There is a remote possibility that it was all simply a lazy person at the record company who photoshopped a load of pictures of Murs together and went, "Tadaaaaah! this is the album cover because I can't be fucked to think up anything better!" and all the record execs said, "Yeah thats great, the general record buying public are cunts anyway, they would buy any old shit." Unfortunately as evidence is so scant of this period of time, we may never know the truth, but we can always have fun speculating on it.