manmachine201's uneasy guide to life.: Manmachine 201's uneasy guide to Wildlife and Eastenders..

Now it would be easy to watch a programme by David Attemborough and be amazed by the natural world. how life is created, how cruel and beautiful the natural world can be in equal measure.

and monkeys.

I can however see through the clever editing and amazing camerawork. And it is for this reason that these programmes can fuck off.

This recent picture shows Attenborough hiding in the bushes. Wanking.

The reason Attenborough wanks in bushes is because not because he is overwhelmed by the wonderment of the natural world, but simply because he travels around the world filmking animals fuck each other. He is simply a pervert and one of the stranger ones at that. Its one thing to enjoy humans having sex with each other but here is some stills from some of Davids programmes.

This is the one that he probably likes the best.

Of course, Smut peddlers like Ben Dover who films men and ladies copulating are considered immoral by the stiff upper lipped, frowned upon and considered blots on society.

And rightly so, he's a fucking pervert.

But while he's paying consenting adults to do each other consentually, Attenborough hides in bushes watching Lion raping other Lions and not even having the decency to let them know he's filming them. So thats rape, not paying people, or lions and hiding in bushes whilst watching unpaid lions raping each other. AND as if that was not bad enough this is all happening at the licence payers expence. The BBC has a lot to answer for.

If this is you, and you pay your TV licence, not only do you fund smut but you're also funding the concept of baby theft.

Because, not content with funding Attenboroughs addiction to bushwanking, it has plumbed the depths looking for the most depraved writers in England. They came up with a story about a woman with a dead baby swapping her baby for one what was alive across the road. then she goes all wierd when the funeral for her baby happens. Obviously this story has recieved a record amount of complaints thanks in no small part to my 7239 phonecalls to the TV complaining helpline.

Me: Hello?

Me: Hello?

Me: Hello?

...the conversation went on for ages and I obviously complained, stupid!

Of course, I could have come up with a storyline where Alfie dug up wis grandmother Nana Moon and fucked her in the face in front of Bianca's children as they all got raped by one of the lions from one of Attenboroughs programmes. I didn't, because I am bigger than that and am not going to get drawn in to these tit for tat games.

On a closer look it appeared that the story wasn't as bad as I'd anticipated because the people in Eastenders are only actors and the events portrayed are not real life. Therefore, it isn't actually a big deal. Egg on my face. Yes Eastenders deals with the issues of today like swapping dead babies for the one thats alive across the road, but when the Beeb is paying for a man to film animals shagging all across the world at the licence payers expence, it kind of puts things into perspective.