Boardwalk Empire or My Big fat Gypsy Wedding?

Over the past few weeks several North African countries have had to make painful decisions. Whether to cling on to their authoritarian style of government or to listen to the voice of the populus and hand over the reigns of power in place of a democratic process.



I understand the problems faced by the Egyptian leader which many other people tend to ignore for I have been faced with similar problems, the second problem I will tell you about first. Last week I was faced with the decision to either watch 'My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding' or 'Boardwalk Empire'



I was under pressure from the masses of one person who I live with, to watch Gypsy Weddings, because they had enough of years of Top Gear, World at War and Richard Littlejohn on Sky News.



Cunt.

They wanted some proper TV, TV which isn't gratuitous, which will reveal a previously unseen society which will enlighten us, although they also wanted a TV show with weddings, gypsys, and incidental fairground music in the background (thus reinforcing the stereotype of fairground 'fight you for your pumps' Gypsys.)



I understood that like in North Africa, where the domino effect of revolution is obvious, if I gave in an allowed this programme to be watched eventually I'd completely relinquish control of the remote that I would probably lose the last bastion of power in my somewhat smaller region than North Africa, my living room. This domino effect has seen politcal instability start in Tunisia before spreading to Egypt the Sudan and Jordan.

Talking to a world renound expert in middle eastern studies I was enlightened and came to several conclusions about the current political instability. I hoped that by finding out more about the problems in Egypt and Tunisia, I could work out how to solve my problem of whether to watch Boardwalk Empire or My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. my inquiries led me to a set of universal truths.

1. When news reports show the act of revolution they generally show men with Moustaches waving sticks...



When I was a child I used to play in the back garden and on several occaisions through over exhuberance, I'd kick the ball into my neighbours garden and climb the fence to get the ball. This wasn't a military exercise, mere ball retrieval was my ultimate goal. On the severalth time of going next door to get the ball. my next door neighbour Freddie came out of his house having taken exception to my encroaching on his space and ruining his flowerbeds. He picked up a stick and began waving it in defiance. Of course, newsteams mistook Freddie's anger at me ruining his flowerbeds, for widespread rebellion and so for the following week it was reported that Kingshill Avenue in Hayes Middlesex had been the birthplace of an anti-government movement.

There is a part of me today that wonders, when I see the news if it is actually a revolution or the news networks have just made a similar mistake, confusing an angry nextdoor neighbour with government collapse.















I guess its possible to get them confused.

The second point in question is that the men in these news reports often look like gay 70s men. I found out that Freddie Mercury (no relation to my next door neighbour Freddie, although my next door neighbour was absessed with Freddie Mercury and even changed his name by deed-poll so he could have the same name as his hero.) was actually of Iranian decent.

Mercury also shaped the perception that Moustaches are so masculine that the only thing that can tame the sexual appetite of a man with a moustache, is another man with a moustache, so Mercury wasn't really gay at all, and he was from the middle east, which adds a further dimension to the political situation in the middle east.



I am of course only trying to solve the problems in Egypt and the other places mentioned earlier. I have no intention of getting involved in the Israel Palestine shit storm.





This is all good stuff but does making these points bring us any closer to understanding the political situation of these states and the ramifications it might have on who gets to hold the remote control in my household? Probably not, but maybe this video can enlighten us.







You can clearly see that Man at Arms has a Moustache and when He-man used to be on telly as a child I held the remote control for the time it was on, but it doesn't have very much to do with the political situation in North Africa at all.


I can only understand Mubaraks problems by equating them with my own and the way I dealt with the problem of what to watch was to record My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding on Sky Plus and watch Boardwalk empire while it was on. Therefore, if I solved my problem, then a world leader should be able to solve his.

The answer would be to formulate some giant political sky plus machine so that Egyptians will be able to record and store different political forms of government all while Mubarak can continue dictatorial rule, because as he said, if he were to step down from power there would be chaos.



how it looks now.



...and what it would look like if he stepped down.

Incidentally, I would be happy to take on the role as intermediery between unstable governments and their citizens and also in an advisory role for dictatorships about to fall. I offer my services for this because I have good experience in solving issues like what telly programmes will be on in my household. I also have experience dealing with men (well, a man anyway) with a moustache waving a stick about, which lets face it, at the very core, beneath the concepts of democracy and a decent standard of living and greater freedom for its people, men with moustaches waving sticks and banners and chanting slogans is what revolution is all about.