Right Royal Palava.

Every day on my way to work, I travel past a piece of grafitti angrily stating that someone should 'Sack Cameron!' They've even put a little exclamation mark at the end of the statement, as if the fact that it was written on a wall in bold lettering wouldn't be enough to draw your attention to it. Who it is that should sack Cameron isn't made clear in the writing, but I would assume its directed at someone on the train.

There is something quintessentially British about this kind of Grafitti. Not in the sense that you could imagine the author of said piece queuing up patiently behind a group of grafitti artists, drinking tea out of a bowler hat wearing the union jack dress that Geri Halliwell wore at the brits all those years ago.



No, not like that at all.

The artist in question risked life and limb climbing onto a roof so that his message could clearly be displayed, and even after the adrenaline rush that no doubt accompanies an act as illegal and dangerous as this, the said artist still maintained the reserved approach necessary to put across his message. "Make James Cameron unemployed!" Afterall, Avatar, inspite of its stunning visual effects was fucking dire.



Thats the problem with a piece of grafitti like this, is that it is ambiguous, although being from london and knowing who the prime minister is, most londoners probably know that this grafitti isn't about director James Cameron, but Prime Minister with the same surname, David.

Going back to the sentiment behind the scrawl, it is completely restrained. By looking at some less restrained protests than this we can see why this protest will be relegated to the lower divisions of protest.



Burning effigy of George w Bush.



Burning Jade Goody effigy



A Monk burning an effigy of himself.



The Italians sacking then leader Benito Mussolini.

Foreign protest and direct action is subject to much more effort than it is in Britain, and that is because we put our efforts into other things.



Like Making Mugs (of ourselves)



Or staring at Jelly Beans for so long that they start to resemble future queens of England.

Thats right, we are too busy preparing for the royal wedding, how quintessentially British!

I'm not sure that the people who might read this, would really want to read about the union in wedlock of the most perfect couple in Britain, the eyes of the world will no doubt be watching with baited breath as St Pauls Cathederal (or Westminster Abbey, I can't remember which.) becomes a moment of union between a figurehead of Britain, marries a commoner. its like a disney film blah blah.



It becomes very difficult to even watch TV when TV listings start to look like this.

5pm: The One Show Royal Wedding Special.

5.30pm: Neighbours: the Royal Wedding Special

6pm: Come Dine With Me: Royal Wedding Special.

7pm: Eastenders: Royal Wedding Special.

8pm: fhggerh arghgh dut diut derr: Royal Wedding Special.

9pm: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEkpft: Royal Wedding Special.

It carries on like white noise attacking your headspace, like the torture scene in the ipcress file brainwashing you until you think of the royal family with nothing but obedience and devotion.

In the mean time all of this talk of Royal Weddings makes me think of a previous royal wedding. No not Princess Diana, there are enough people drawing comparisons between Kate and Di. ( thats what I call them, because I'm close enough with both of them to be informal with them, although not as close as James Gilby was with Di... He called her Squidgy.)




Or as with any of the other people she had extra marital affairs with.

No, the Royal wedding I am thinking of is the one in the last episode of Dynasty, which rather strangely took place during an armed uprising of a fictional central european country. Ending in the execution of every guest in the church.



In spite of that, it wouldn't be innapropriate to call this a bloodless coup, because although riddled with machinegun bullets there is not a spec of blood on any of the dead guests. Which I would suggest is also quintessentially british.



What else would be considered quintessentially british? Well, Points of View, a programme about British peoples opinions on British TV, moaning about the lack of variety, or about too much variety or that the variety on their TV isn't varied enough. Its not the sort of thing you'd get on Chinese state TV.




A smug sarcastic blog subtley complaining about the royal wedding would probably be quite British. The equivalent of demanding the Prime Minister join the dole queue via a spray can with a Dick Van Dyke accent an Umberella on a flying bed. I might as well have made a cushion with Will and Kates face on it for all the good it did me.



Anyway, just in case you need some kind of catharsis, watch the Moldaivan Royal Wedding massacre below.


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