manmachine201's uneasy guide to life.: Twenty Twelvty.

As most people are aware the end of the world is occuring this year and as such it is important to have plenty of cash and to have a good figure for when you either enter the afterlife or are eternally reduced to sub atomic particles and are absorbed into the ether. Whatever your religious viewpoint, whether you have one or not, (thats both of the religious viewpoints) Money is what Duncan Bannatyne calls 'a good scorecard' to judge how well people are doing in life.

Duncan Bannatyne, essentially telling you you're a cunt.

I highlight the word judge because if you are religious then it is probably your belief that you will be part of some form of divine judgement, and judging by the amount of money, say, the Catholic church have then money is bastard well important, in fact it looks about as important as redeeming souls, because apart from a massive amount of admittedly impressive iconography; a key feature of the catholic church is an equally impressive amount of bling.

"Yeeeeeeeeah Bwooooooooy!"

So there you go, although the bible says that money won't get you into heaven, it is coincidental that the Catholic church is loaded and that the Catholic church is one of several portals to eternal life. So that is the first point all made and everything and it might seem like a shit one, in light of the coming apocalypse, but bare with me, I promise to string it all together into some semi-coherant shenanigans before the fire and brimstone begins to melt your skin, and not do another sentence with as many comma's as there are in this one.

If Duncan Bannatyne, Jesus and God are judging you on the amount of money you made, it is nice to know that as well as having the pressures of money leading towards the end of the world, that Heat magazine and the E channel hasn't taken its foot off the gas in applying pressure to society about being a fat fuck.

Heat magazine, tirelessly telling us which celebrities are toop fat this week, followed by next weeks issue which discusses how the celebs featured last week have now either developped bulimia, anorexia or simply committed suicide due to the intense media scrutiny.

And Kerry katona.

Of course, I am only laying down problems in the world, and I am about to bring another problem to the metaphorical table in the hypothetical dining room of ponder, which I know leaves us with three things we have to solve before the end of the world, but who knows; the next problem might actually bring us a solution to the previous two problems I brought up.

An example of a junk mail folder conspicuous by the lack of penis enlargement adverts and filthy language.

By the time the world ends on May 31st There will be no way for mankind to filter out the junkmail from our e-mails and this will pose a massive problem for if anyone does want to e-mail each other after the apocalype. This is probably the least of our worries as most people use social networking sites these days, the inventor of computing, Bill Gates will probably die during the apocalypse, along with Mark Zuccerberg, Tom from Myspace and the people who invented Freindster, Bebo, Friends Reunited and all the other social networking sites that ever existed, and this means that there will be no one to solve the junkmail problem.

The inventor of junkmail is currently protected by a superinjunction preventing me from revealing his identity

However, after leaving my facebook alone for a week to prepare for the end of the world, I have recieved two pieces of junkmail which will solve the first two problems which I mentioned.