Happy Birthday Jesus!

In my spare time I like to look on holiday websites at holidays I cannot afford, to see pictures of the sandy beaches and suntanned people drinking exotic looking cocktails. I looked on one today and its opening gambit was "Go ahead, pinch yourself!"

This sort of thing.

Initially I thought this was a bit strong, a holiday website inciting self harm; it is for example, although not as extreme, on the same spectrum as "Go ahead, bite your own arm!" or "Go ahead, Punch yourself in the face!" Although not long after pondering this I realized that I was trying to punish myself, so order was restored.

This is literally the only picture I can find to accompany the text this is sandwiched between.

The fact that I feel like I should punish myself is probably religions fault, because its all the catholics that tell us we are sinful and defected and that sort of stuff. So my self punishing is either the result of some form of freudian model or what I am feeling is some form of residual Catholicism.

It is that residual Catholicism which really makes me want to talk about Jesus today, what with it being Good Friday, the day which, two thousand odd years ago he was born in a manger in Bethlehem.

Are you sure its Easter you are talking about?

I was not raised a Catholic and was never baptised, so it is a lot easier for me to stand from the sidelines throwing stones, because I don't subscribe to the school of letting he who is without sin casting the first stone. I'd rather it were me that threw the first stone, even if I were in a glass house. I'd cast the first stone even if I were in a greenhouse, and I'd throw it straight at Catholicism, not because I dislike it or have a problem with it, but because it is fucking massive and therefore really easy to hit. So I am going to point out all the things that make Catholics a bad choice to be Gods vehichle on earth.

1. The Inquisition.

Or men in red suits going around torturing anyone who disagreed with the pope, whether that be that the Earth was round, or was not the centre of the universe, to whether the verses should be read in Latin in church. These people were bulied into towing the line or tortured and that kind of stuff.

2. Sexism

Why shouldn't a woman be pope? Is it because in the Eden Phonebook Adam is listed before Eve because of alphabetical order or is it to do with the apple thing?

3.Homophobia

The Catholic church has relaxed its attitude to homosexuality, but only with women, which I think is fair enough really, I don't like the idea of a couple of elderly priests being all gay on each other but I find the idea of virgin nuns kissing each other and caressing each others breasts the most natural thing in the world.  

If this were two men it would just be weird, why would men have nuns outfits? it would be perverted.

4. the general refusal to admit that they are wrong.

All the stuff above could all be wiped out with a single wave of the papal staff, but because of the way catholicism is set up, it is very difficult to admit they are wrong, they work on the premiss that the most knowledge and wisdom you can gain comes from a book that was written over the course of 4000 years, and as the book is rarely updated apart from for political purposes. This means that the Catholic church is very slow to react to things, and has seen them arguing the toss about something as obvious as evolution roughly 100 years after it had been proven beyond reasonable doubt.

  

All this aside, Catholicism has shaped the world we live in today. over 70% of the world are a Catholic so maybe I shouldn't be as dismissive towards it as I am being, they did afterall provide us with lots of great art, some great imagery and a good platform for debate. As well as inspiring some internet humour, albeit at someone elses expense.

Catholicism hinges on the teachings of Jesus, which is kind of nice. He was alright, although he did trash a market place once.

And Jesus entered the temple and drove out

all those who were buying and selling in the temple,

and overturned the tables of the money changers and

 the seats of those who were selling doves.

And He said to them, “It is written,

‘MY HOUSE SHALL BE CALLED A HOUSE OF PRAYER’;

but you are making it a ROBBERS’ DEN.”

Strangely, this justifies the summer rioters, who also smashed up shops last summer, although probably for different reasons.

The man in the picture above looks a little bit like Jesus on the cross which is kind of why I chose it. All this aside, I am kind of glad Catholicism existed because at the very least, we have a 4 day public holiday to celebrate something very central to Catholicism. So by ending this on a positive note for Catholicism, I am going to feel much less guilty about booking a holiday I can't afford.

Happy Birthday Jesus!