What looks coolest falling down a flight of stairs?

Another month brings another near miss from an asteroid, except this time it missed by less than 25000km. which is just over half the circumference of the Earth. This is the distance between the UK and Mongolia. It was the size of half a football pitch and is probably made from iron and other rock, instead of ice, which is more common. According to Yeomans, asteroids of this stature comes within striking distance of our planet every 40 years, but strikes only occur every 1200 odd years.

This can mean only one thing: This close shave from an asteroid is a warning from God about the legalisation of same sex marraiges. It is unlikely that God would have been as worried about the legislation that has been passed in certain US states concerning gay marraige because he doesn't really pay too much attention to America anymore, particularly Connecticut, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New York, Vermont, and Washington as well as the District of Columbia.

It is exactly the sort of thing that God would do though. People often think of God as some kind of creator or omnipotent being, when in fact, he is more like Samuel L Jackson's character in the film Pulp Fiction.



He will strike down with great vengeance etc...

In Genesis, for example: Lot was identified as the only man in Sodom and its neighbouring town Gomorrah (a place, probably in the middle east somewhere) worth saving, after God decided to end the entire area under a heavy bombardment of fire and brimstone. The city itself was named after the homosexual act of Sodomy, so it is probable that God doesn't like homosexuality and doesnt find it homosexy at all. further to this God actually finds the act of oral sex sinful and that is the sort of thing that they used to get up to in those days and in those kind of places.

So, going back to Lot, having being identified as being the only rightious man in either Sodom or Gamorrah, he was told to leave by God in some form of vision or other and along with his wife told not to look back. When his wife broke the cardinal rule and looked back at her beloved home that she worked very hard to make nice with furniture purchased from the Ikea just off the Gommorah junction, God turned her instantly into a pillar of salt. Luckily, Lot had packed some of his belongings, and among them was a salt shaker which had been purchased from the same Ikea. Lot never had to buy salt again.



The only logical alternative to the meteor coming from God is that the meteor itself is actually formed from homosexual love.

On yesterdays 'The Big Question' (a program on BBC2 on Sunday where a panel of people are asked excruciatingly long and pointless questions by an audience) during a discussion on gay marraige, a young man told a lesbian that her love came from satan.

The above being the average response from the twitter community...

And this being one of the less average ones.

Hail Satan!

This leaves us with two possibilities, that homosexual love comes from Satan, who is simply a potato with bits of plastic added to him to give him more humanoid characteristics... OR that the man on The Big Question was misheard when he said Satan, perhaps he said 'Saturn' I will quickly examine both options starting with the Satan one...

If Satan created homosexual love, and he is literally just a Mr Potato Head (it said it on twitter, must be true) Then his equivalent binary opposite, God, is probably going to be something as simple as one of those toy slinky springs that fall down the stairs and probably incapable of mustering an asteroid made of iron to warn man not to allow same sex marraige to become law in England...



Praise the Lord.

If on the other hand, homosexual love does come from the planet Saturn, then it is probably just a naturally occuring force, beyond our control and trying to stop its progress would be as futile as trying to stop a sea tide, we might be able to slow down its progress, but ultimately it will erode the shores as all land eventually falls into the ocean to pop up somewhere else millions of years later. It all becomes relative to whether you are a person open to religion or not.

Out of these two options (and having weighed up the balance of all probability, I have ruled out every other method of explanation successfully and logically) I believe that Satan probably is a Mr Potato Head and that God is simply a spring that gets placed on a top step and is clever enough to climb down stairs whilst looking cool. I mean you could throw anything down a flight of strairs, a slice of toast, a bowling ball, a roller skate, a gay man on rollerskates or even a homophobic man on a skateboard. But none of them look as impressive as a slinky when they fall down the stairs. And after all, isn't that what the whole same sex marraige debate boils down to?