This picture was stolen from a blog which literally just says "Do you remember MC Hammer? what was that all about?" in a dozen different ways. Yes, I've hotlinked it, stealing his bandwidth, because the person who wrote that blog was an anus. Probably still is unless they caught eye cancer from staring too hard at the 80s and died when bursting an anurysm from trying to remember the name of that band who were like the Jackson 5 but from Romford in Essex.
Actually, having just researched a bit further I feel a bit bad, its just some girl and she seems quite sweet and innocent. But all this aside, MC hammer does highlight the power that music has over people.
For example, Ellie Jackson (not to be confused with the Jackson 5 or that band that were like the Jackson 5 but from Romford in Essex) listened to lots of Depeche Mode growing up and as a result the has a shit haircut and a moody face. I'm not saying Depeche Mode are bad, in fact they are kind of alright, but listening to them too much could turn you into LaRoux.
A further example comes to light when I listened to the most recent Raphael Saadiq, I danced so hard to the song 'Heart Attack' that by the end of the song I actually thought I was having a heart attack and was rushed to hospital.
That'll teach me.
Of course In September 2009, London student Tom Reid died of sudden arrhythmic death syndrome (SADS) after complaining that 'loud bass notes' were 'getting to his heart'. The inquest recorded a verdict of natural causes, although some experts commented that the bass could have acted as a trigger. There are also rumours that there are certain frequencies that can literally make a person shit themselves, this is only a theoretical concept and has never been tested scientifically, presumably because scientists are far too clever to be cleaning up the shit of subjects of experiments.
So far it would seem that music only has a detrimental effect on people, causing heart attacks, people to shit themselves (although there is no scientific proof), and becoming La Roux, there is also the below picture, although that might also have something to do with drugs.
This has all been a very long build up to something serious that I would like to discuss, a friend of mine died recently, and there has been a lot of talk about what to play at his funeral. Funeral songs are often poignant and will leave their mark on those attending the funeral probably for the rest of their lives.
He had been in and out of hospital for months with multiple health problems, constantly dehydrated and his vision was effected by light causing him migrane pains most of the time. Doctors were baffled and unable to find out what the problem was. Then last thurday whilst cooking a meal he left his arm too close to the gas cooker, he rocketed out of the open window and flew 500ft into the air before exploding, luckily it was night time so everyone could see all the pretty colours he turned into.
I suppose its better than being found in your own closet naked having accidentally hanged yourself with a tie with a piece of orange in your mouth, but still, a bitter pill to swallow.
The test result from the doctors came back the following day suggesting that he had been listening to Katy Perrys single firework.
So there you go, perhaps the Taliban were right to ban music and kites and statues and Depeche Mode, but particularly music, and music accompanied by videos of a girl with firework tits, for this is music which has a detrimental effect to people, sometimes by turning them into idiots and from time to time people subconsciously taking the message of the song so literally, that it kills them.
For my friends funeral we suggested something fitting, instrumental and beautiful, which summed up his spirit. We chose explosions in the sky, just because it was funny really.
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