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Saturday 13 August 2011

Time Travel.

There is a school of thought which suggests that time travel is impossible, and that even if it were, via some butterfly effect that by going back in time and making the smallest of changes you would alter the set of circumstances which brought you to the point where you would go back in time, therefore creating a paradox which would cause certain parts of the universe to instantly non-exist. Current quantum theory suggests that it may be possible to travel forward in time but not backward, which is pointless because you would not be able to alter your path making yourself richer and stuff.



Another suggestion as to why time travel is impossible is because at this point in time, we are not innundated with people from the future or even from the past (apart from the ones from the past who have come from the past to the present in the sense that you or I have.)

That might lead you to logically include that time travel is impossible, and a great many people would say that this is a reasonable conclusion to reach, given the evidence. Not me, I would ridicule anyone who came to that conclusion, I would say they are flatlanders  ...fucking idiots, plebs, knobbers, twats, and I will give three reasons as to why I think this way thus backing up my point with some rather flakey evidence to counter the first paragraph or two which accompany the rather loosely connected Salvador Dali Piece The peristence of Memory. Which in hindsight I probably should have substituted with a different example of time travel, unfortunately the examples open to me would have probably made less impact in the examples I am about to give you... nevertheless, if only there was a way to go back in time to replace that picture with another one.

BACK TO THE FUTURE (TRILOGY)

This film reveals that time trravel is so simple that a scientist can actually come up with a fail safe method of time travel with no government funding or grants, in fact it reveals that the method of time travel can simply be worked out by hitting your head in a bathroom, a method so simple that it can create what was not only the most important Macguffin in film history but a simple device which revolutionized quantum theory.



The Flux Capacitor was a bow with a Y shaped wire which (with the help of 1,200,0000 watts of electricity, which is easy to generate with either the plug sockets of 8,066,667 homes, or Plutonium or lightning, which were eventually favoured.) So that information in itself reveals that time travel IS possible.

Not only that Marty McFly travelled a total of 8 times throughout the trilogy, and the closest he came to eradicating himself from existence was when his mum nearly danced with someone else at the prom and his hand started to dissapear alongside images of his brother and sister within a photo. An interesting side note is that if the path of history was altered and Marty McFly had of prevented his and his siblings existance through the method of time travel, then the photograph still would have been taken because it was still there even though the images inside the photo wouldn't have been, which meant the person taking the photo would have just taken an inane picture of a well in a back garden.



The people who say 'even if time travel was possible it would alter the previous paths thus altering the fabric of existance and making you not exist anymore' are overstating their case. Afterall there are slight anomolies which occur, Marty didn't notice that his girlfriends physical appearence, if not her taste in fashion were altered by the anomalies which time travel throw up.



So this example alone proves beyond any doubt that not only is time travel possible, but also it would not do any damage to the fabric of the space time continuum at all.



BILL & TEDS EXCELLENT ADVENTURE (& BOGUS JOURNEY)

Yeah, as if one example wasn't enough I'm going to hit you up with another. Although there are many theories on the relationship between time and space is, it becomes apparent after seeing these films that time is simply a bizarre framework designed to encase a destiny in which Bill & Ted become leaders of some form of totalitarian zenlike utopia, with the help of an omnipitent set of time guardians.





In fact, time travel is encouraged simply for things like getting good grades in history assignments, or scoring girlfriends. In short, time travel is as simple and as safe as getting on a bus from one place to another, and save some rogue guardian using time travel to go back in time to cause mayhem by replacing Bill & Ted with evil cyborg Bill & Teds, even taking historical figures like Socrates, Sigmund Freud and Ghengis Khan into the future so they can enjoy the delights of consumerism- while at the same time creating a strinking dischord between the present and the past- is completely acceptable. In fact any alterations in the space time continuum are like maintainence on a pre-ordained destiny. It appears that Quantum physisists have been completely barking up the wrong tree.

Whereas the Delorean was the shell which made time travel possible, it appears that a more popular time travel mechanism is the phone box, whether it is a police phonebox...



...or just a bogstandard phonebox time machine like the one in Bill and Ted.



You might say that the fact that I am only quoting fictional examples of time travel undermines my argument, but I myself am a time traveller. I travel forward in time one second at a time. I travel through both time and space using...



Don't even need a flux capacitor or a phone box, who even used phone boxes anymore apart from characters in the Sopranos. And even they aren't real. People use Blackberries,to organise looting. Therefore the ACTUAL point of this blog is nothing to do with time travel, it is to do with social networking sites and technology, they are not responsible for the riots, or something.

Thursday 11 August 2011

a blog about riots which offers no opinion whatsoever.


As you may or may not know, I am not one to harp on about my own life, but with the recent violence in London, I feel the need to do a bit of a heart on my sleeve type post. Whenever I suffer from writers block I tend to spend great deals of time in front of a keyboard typing 'we are at war with ourselves', and deleting it again. This time I am not deleting it. We are at war with ourselves.



I woke up and went to go to work a few days ago, upon leaving my flat and reaching the high street, I first saw the shattered glass, it was exactly like Krystallnacht under the Nazi regime in the 30s... except much, much worse. Upon entering the shopping centre I work at, I came to the front of the shop I worked at and this was the sight I came across...



It looks nice doesn't it? Well by the end of the day it looked like this...



Destroyed by looters, apparently in response to the killing of a man with a gun in Tottenham, but this wasn't Tottenham and this was beyond a protest. It was like the Arab Spring. At times like this I wonder why Britain can't take its crowd control tactics from oppressive middle east regimes that up until last week I was condemning. You might say that this says two things about me, the first is that I am quite liberal and possibly left leaning, the second is that I am completely reactionary...



The strangest thing is that the above picture might be from anywhere in the Arab world but it could also just as easily be Shoreditch highstreet. And it is in fact Shoreditch high street (it isn't, it's Syria...No just kidding, its actually Shoreditch... I could do this forever.)

But it is the most bizarre thing that London looks like Sharm El Sheik looked at the start of the year, it would seem that to have a democracy isn't actually enough to stop people rioting... they need something more...



They need Air Max. They need playstation 3's, they need Ipod's. And they need them for free.

It is for this reason that it is only fair that we call them freedom fighters, because although they are not fighting for freedom, they are fighting to get stuff for free.

The government are being quite clear in saying that there is no political motive for the riots that started in Tottenham and spread throughout the UK. That these youths are simply opportunists, something even more alarming is the age of some of the people arrested... below is a picture of the youngest offender to have been arrested.



Not a hint of shame on his face.
But back to my own personal experiences of the riots, at 3pm the decision was made to shut the shopping centre I work in, with the promise of an oncoming mob...



...and Michael Jackson

The busses had stopped running, I was nowhere near a train station and Taxi's were not driving in the area. I was lucky enough to find a horse roaming the streets and so I rode it back to my home. By the time I got there I was greeted with a site that will stay with me for the rest of my life.



The looters had transformed the block of flats I lived in to the final spine chilling scene of planet of the apes, I'm not sure if they did it to coincide with the release of the new planet of the apes film, but if they did they did it a week too early. So the joke is on them.

Of course, none of this happened, but you'd have probably liked me more if it had. you'd probably all send me flowers and messages of support, and probably you'd have had me canonized. There was some trouble in the town i'm from but I was off on my middle class annual 10 day holiday in the sun in Greece. The Irony is that the week after I booked the holiday riots broke out in Greece, and then 3 days before I was due to come home riots broke out in London... I am starting to feel extremely unloved. 


Manmachine201's guide to Modesty and The only other blog I seem to read anymore.


In my incredibly long time in the blogging world, I've noticed a few things about the traits of bloggers. For one thing, they are categorically hot. I speak of course mainly of myself, Hence the reason I rarely show photos of myself on here. I worry that both of the people reading this would gouge their own eyes out and set them on fire so that they never have their memories polluted by other sights.



Like something like this pic which I took from the internet.

Having always seen myself as a manaical nonsensical preacher which people habitually ignore (and why wouldn't they? The internet has lots of other great stuff on it like religious websites and pornography!) I find it very bizarre when anyone throws any attention at this cheeky little site (and its sister site Manmachine201's guide to music... checkitout!) which I mainly do through my own necessity so that I can sleep without these silly thoughts spinning round in my head.

I can see you are all itching for me to get to my point so I think I'll keep you all hanging a little bit longer...




...


...


Yeah, so thats me in a nutshell... Where was I? Oh yes... bloggers. Fucking hate almost all of them, self centred, trying to put their viewpoints across, trying to put a viewpoint across counter to their own actual viewpoint (in some cases) Telling us about what happened during their day, their week and their boring little lives.


I used to think like that, honestly I did, then I came across this.



Yeah! Its fucking weird isn't it Caroline! Now you know how it feels to get advertised on tinternet and stuff!

But it is also quite true that hers is the only blog I seem to read anymore. I find it so difficult to talk about events that occur in my life that I don't even try anymore, I simply pitt random things off against each other, intersperse it with comparisons to greek mythology and make penis jokes... which is why her blog is so great and actually makes me envious, angry and slightly hateful. I actually tried on numerous occasions to leave hurtful comments on her page out of jealousy but for some reason the internet knows she would say something quite cutting which would hurt my feelings and stops me. Which is nice of it I think.



"Thanks HAL." "Any time Manmachine201"

That there is someone who can talk about their own lives so intelligently and in a way which from time to time makes me laugh out loud as well as keeping it engaging is a rarity. What is rarer is someone who peppers their life story with opinions on why it would be rubbish dating rock legends and indie stars. What to do to get an Irish girl. (I always found speaking with an English accent was enough, but.) and how to deal with unruly children (a personal fave.)



Weapons of Mass Destruction.

I can describe the refreshing nature of this page until the cows come home, and in the current climate, they probably will, but instead, I'm just going to leave a link in the hope that anyone who reads this goes her way and enjoys it as much as I do.

So when I get back from my hols to see my traffic is raised and see that the source of this traffic is from my fave blog, I click to see whats going on. It turns out that we are mutual in our admiration for each other, which is good, so it is only right that I return the favour and write nice things about a fantastic writer, who wrote some nice things about me. This level of praise might make me sound sycophantic so I simply advise advise you to check http://workinprowess.blogspot.com/