manmachine201's uneasy guide to making volcano's stop.

1. completely ban the use of aircraft forever, its obviously what it wants.


doesn't like planes either.

2. feed it chelsea fans if it doesn't stop, feed it more chelsea fans, eventually you can feed it the chelsea team, and the chelsea owner. if that doesn't work then at least you tried.



3. Watch any hollywood disaster movie and use the resolutions from each film until you have successfully extinguished the volcano.


too old for this shit etc.

4. Just go to Bognor Regis instead of Spain and let the volcano have its fun, it only does it once every 200 or so years.

5. Get Godzilla to lay an egg on top of it. if Godzilla doesn't exist then use genetic engineering to create a giant lizard, call that lizard Godzilla and get it to lay an egg on top of it.

6. instead of extinguishing it just ignore it and hope that it goes away.



7. blame immigrants.



their fault, everything. all of it.

8. blame the coalition government.



impressive penis david, but what about the ash cloud?

9. blaming people isn't going to solve anything you silly fuckers.

10. remember what Proffesor Brian Cox said about it... I'd remind you but I've forgotten.

11. accept that it is probably the work of a god or extra terrestrial, try to reason with the god or extra terrestrial.


a god or an extra terrestrial.

12. this list is pointless we can no more stop a volcano than I can stick get 3 of my fingers which are trapped from out of the corpse of a nun.

no. there will be no jpg image of a dead nun here, I want to keep this image for myself. on my hard drive.