There could well be something in Noel Edmonds Theory of 'Cosmic Ordering' that is Noel Edmonds, quiz show host, social commentator and philosopher.
After all the universe is made of energy, and as we are made of the same matter that the rest of the universe is, then surely on a quantum level I am sure it is possible to harness that energy to make your life a positive experience.
Now I'm not sure what you thought of that last point but just to keep us on the safe side of sanity I will explain, I took a fact: "...the universe is made of energy, and as we are made of the same matter that the rest of the universe is..."
It's the part that you understand and because you probably recognise it to be true, your guard drops slightly. The next part is speculation but because it was preceded with a fact it makes it easier to digest: "...then surely on a quantum level I am sure it is possible to harness that energy to make your life a positive experience."
I highlight surely because it intertwines the preceding fact with the horseshit that follows. Quantum is shorthand for me saying 'in a way that you can't understand, because you haven't read any books about it.'
This is how Noel Edmunds talks to you every day, in many ways he is worse than George W Bush although if I were to explain to you why, you probably wouldn't understand it because you all let Noel Edmunds talk down to you as if he is in on a secret. Every day on 'deal or no deal' spouting about positive thoughts creating positive energy, as if thought alone is capable of somehow shape shifting the 1p box into the £250,000 box, and if you fail to guess right, then its your own fault. Loser.
Edmunds clearly suffered a mental breakdown after his career hit a rough patch when 'Noels House Party' got cancelled in the mid 90s, the show itself was like a nightmare version of Evil Dead 2 having a bad dream and then waking up only to realize that you are still asleep and trapped in a dream where a pink demon with smallpox falls on you while a crowd of people point and laugh. There were custard pies, cats stuck up trees and 'Gotcha'ss' ''' which began when people were suprised as their own face popped up on the television, but as the series went on this wasn't enough for Edmunds, who resorted to live executions, badger baiting and public defacation all in the name of ratings.
Now the previous paragraph isn't as clear cut as the first one, there are elements of truth interspersed with rash generalisation and downright falacy.
"Edmunds clearly suffered a mental breakdown after his career hit a rough patch when 'Noels House Party' got cancelled in the mid 90s..." More an opinion than a fact although there is something about his belief in this new age horseshit which he aquired during his wilderness that strongly hints at an alan partridge moment.
*Shudder*
the show itself was like a nightmare version of Evil Dead 2 having a bad dream and then waking up only to realize that you are still asleep and trapped in a dream where a pink demon with smallpox falls on you while a crowd of people point and laugh. There were custard pies, cats stuck up trees and 'Gotcha'ss' '''
This point is alegorical but essentially true, there was something nightmarish about crinkley bottom, the fictional town where Noels houseparty was set, the signposts and props were all wonkey and surreal like a salvador dali painting and everything was just wrong. The part about the executions was a lie, which you might say makes me immoral and you may question what right I have to call Noel Edmunds heretic views into question.
Well, my lies simply highlight his lies, by identifying my lies for you, I am equiping you to see through his web of deceit, although I think a web is overused and not strong enough, no his galaxy of fallacy! It almost rhymes.
But not quite.
About 20 years ago, a similar thing happened when a goalkeeper turned sports commentator turned green party MP, had a monumental blowout live on telly, proclaiming himself the son of Godand forseeing a global catastrophe, his platform was the Terry Wogan show and after this appearence he was publicly ridiculed by the press and was marginalised from the mainstream media.
Today, David Icke hangs around the edges of society preaching about how the world is run by reptiles and a shadow government. He believes in aliens, in multiple gods, he believes that Jesus was murdered by the jews and that they eat babies. He also started believing after the film 'the matrix' came out that we are all just computer programmes inside the matrix. Essentially, all the same things that Noel Edmunds believes in.
So why is David Icke sidelined and thought of as a quack, when Noel Edmunds is telling us every day on primetime TV that by using an internal process alone, we can completely alter the external universe?
I completely prefer the version of mental that tells us that George Bush is a snakeman. And apart from the obvious anti-semetic undertones, I believe that Edmunds is probably more dangerous.
Noel Edmonds believes that the souls of his dead parents follow him everywhere in the form of two orbs, he has revealed.
The TV presenter claims they are a constant presence by his side and often sit on his shoulders as bouncing balls of light.
The 59-year-old is a follower of the New Age theory of Cosmic Ordering, which involves writing a wish-list and asking the planets to carry it out.
(Interview with Sky News.)
Now call me old fashioned, but I think that people who believe that their dead parents in the form of melon sized energy orbs float around their shoulders at head height, should not have access to millions of men, women and children, particularly the people who watch a show like 'deal or no deal'. Asides from the obvious questions this throws up like 'is that what we can expect from death? are we destined to spend all eternity on Noel Edmunds shoulders in the afterlife? Dont his dead parents have better things to do than just float around him all the time? do these energy balls grow bigger and smaller? do they move when edmunds picks up the phone to speak to the banker or do these energy balls engulf the phone thus evesdropping on his conversation? Or is he just cherry picking bits and pieces of new age philosophy in the way that erm, I don't know, someone else did.
You say they used to use is to symbolise power order and prosperity? lets take it and make it our flag!
Edmunds is essentially a ticking timebomb... dont say you haven't been warned.
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