Superinjunctification

The press are very unhappy with Englands performance yesterday, taking this into account and following the fact that superinjunctions are quite in vogue at the moment, I'm going to take the precaution of not revealing any of the details of the players involved who let their nation down.



Manager _________ made the suprising choice of picking _______ over ________ which baffled many pundits, some said that this was because ________ has struggled to recover from an injury to his _____.

England were 2-0 down just after the half hour through two ___________ free-kicks but pulled one back from the penalty spot after __________ converted. Of course there have been suggestions that ________ who scored the penalty had been having an extra marital affair with his ________ after her friend found pictures of ________ being _______ by a __________ in a bath full of baked beans. However a court order prevented the story from coming out. In the second half ________ equalized thanks to poor defending from ________ who is well known in the brothels of _______ which specialize in horse, male, female threesomes. He had several chances to give england the lead but failed due to his ______ from a ______ which as we all know is an illness caused by a sexually transmitted disease.

After the final whistle ______ told journalists that fatigue from the season was probably the cause of the England sides underperformance although some questioned whether ________ and _________ had anything to do with the reason Ashley Cole had been limping throughout the game and seemingly bleeding from his rectum.




Rectum.

When the news becomes a game of 'guess the sportsman at the centre of the superinjunction story' then perhaps it is time to either review the laws of the land, or for the newspapers to review their brief about what actually constitutes news.

There could quite concievably be a point in the future when we don't even know which footballers will be playing for clubs because there are superinjunctions protecting their identitys.

For example, Chelsea could sign a player for 70 million at the end of the season and we will never know who he is. He might be Lionel Messi, he might be Lionel Blair.



Messi.



Blair

This is unacceptable in a game which takes money from the public, but unfortunately it is becoming all the more familiar. Below is an example of what you get when you buy a pack of panini stickers...



Attacking midfielder Man Utd. Identity withheld.



The 2011-12 team photo of a team you support. Unfortunately you are not allowed to know what team you support due to a high court order.

And this trend is not just among sportsmen; with actors, journalists and even lawyers and judges using them more and more frequently. experts predict that within the next year children will be able to enact superinjunctions to prevent school reports and parents evenings, that people will be able to use superinjunctions to prevent their own twitter updates from being seen by the people that follow them, I have no idea why anyone would want to do that but I'm told it is definately going to happen.

In fact, I think I'm going to take out a superinjunction to stop people from reading this, to protect my privacy, because as you all know, I am a very private person.