SEX! (now that I have your attention...)

Controversy is absolutely everywhere at the moment, with suggestions of corruption in the FIFA association, strained relations between Pakistan and the US over suggestions that they were harbouring the worlds most wanted terrorist, but there is one area that is saturated with controversy beyond the point that football, or politics or any other important things could be, and that it pop music. It would be easy to suggest that pop music is a simple waste of 4 minutes, sugarcoated and sweet and forget about it after the song finishes. Of course it isn't like that, the 4 minute song is generally accompanied by a 4 minute video containing a subtext usually tied up in religion, sex, genocide, paedophilia, bestiality, bondage and general subversiveness. Things that focus groups tell multinational record companies would improve the artiss sales.



Things like boxing, group sex and people in rabit suits, its what the focus group came up with.

I remember when Lady Gaga won her first MTV award in 2009, in her speech she said, "bless god and bless the gays." It made me think. It made me think of all the gays, every single one of them. From Oscar Wilde, who as we know, invented homosexuality, going through to Brian Dowling from Big Brother. I not only thought of every gay person living dead or fictional but everyone asssociated with a gay person. If I thought of Ellen DeGeneras, I thought of all her pretend lesbian girlfriends like Portia DiRossi and Anne Hesche, If I thought of Stephen Fry, I would instantly think of Hugh Laurie. If I thought of Allen Carr I instantly thought of his hairy less funny friend Justin Lee Collins.



Looking like a Weeble version of Barry Gibb... Good Times!

By the time I finished thinking of every gay, living dead fact or fiction and every person accociated with a gay or lesbian human, and even the weird bonobo monkeys I saw on a documentary fiddling with each others nobbly bits, I thought for fuck sake Gaga, get a grip and stop trying to engraciate yourself with the gay community just to penetrate a market. And then I started writing this blog.

As we all know, penetrating the gay market is as lucrative as, say, changing the lyrics to 'express yourself' by Madonna. But all this controversy for the sake of selling seems to have worn out the shock nubin in my brain to the point where I am numb to it all. It is difficult to know whether Gaga is a cause or a symptom of pink culture, although there is evidence albeit circumstantial that a specific chord structure once employed by Madonna (gay icon) and Gaga (also gay icon)could release theramones in the male brain to make men more gay. The structure is C G F G C and is rumoured to have been accidentally chanced across by Freddie Mercury when he inadvertantly and whilst in the same room as Oscar Wilde, created the craze of homosexuality.



What you talkin about Willis? I died almost half a century before Mercury was born!

But its not just homosexuality that is edgy and will therefore drives artist sales, it is any kind of sex and many types of violence. Katy Perrys latest video seems to portray her as some bizarre omnipitent sex alien floating above the world watching human nature destroy itself.



The video has even got one of those 24 frame edits with Hitler, the KKK, an atomic explosion, the pope, Bin Laden, a baby being born, maggots, a funeral, Hitler again, people crying, Jeremy Kyle, Jeremy Clarkson, the famine girl from Live Aid, the napalm girl from Vietnam, McDonnalds, people in a church praying, missiles getting fired, explosions, a preacher, a dead animal, soldiers pushing a crying mother, a dead parrot, Martin Luther King and Hitler.

Perrys evolution throughout her musical career has gone from lesbian, to a girl with fireworks coming out of her tits to pvc sex alien. Now one might argue that her previous single firework is empowering, but why have fireworks coming out of your tits? the only explanation is to draw attention to the old Freudian symbology of the Oedipal complex. Their are other uses for breasts than things to play with while copulating, like feeding your baby, but would anyone really want to use gunpowder and iron filings as baby formula?



Another act trying hard to do something different is Britains answer to Lady Gaga, Jessie J. That is of course in the same way as a molested childs answer to a paedophile fathers request to keep it "Our little secret" would be "yes daddy."
J has definately tacckled things from a different angle taking on issues such as gender and sex (suprisingly) in her single do it like a dude.

As we all know the key differences between male and females is that males grab their crotch, a point not lost on J's team of songwriters. In fact it is almost impossible to tell the difference between male and female when naked, it was only thanks to advances in science in the 1960s when scientific observations were undertaken to identify key characteristics in gender that humans can procreate at all. In these experiments the male and female stood next to each other and the first to grab their crotch was a male. There were anomolies in these experiments but these were put down to the woman 'trying to be a bit controversial and different.' a bit like Jessie J, as we shall see below.



Original.



Similar.



Also unique, just like everyone else.



Born this way.

Now its not these girls fault, they just want to be successful, but to do so they have to leave their image at the mercy of stylists, record execs and image consultants who have exhausted every method of being edgy or cool or different, or at the very least have exhausted their imaginations thus letting these girls down. Apart from Gaga, she can fuck off.

Controversy, pornography, taboo breaking has become so normal in pop music I find myself numb to it. Wearing Meat Dresses, black Jesus's, disco satanism, Rubber Fetish, its all been done to death. It leaves people desiring simpler things that stimulate different part of the brain, in short these focus groups are responsible for these new folk acts infiltrating the market like Laura Marling and Mumford and Sons, and that sort of shit should not be tolerated.



Zero Tolerance.

Some of this might sound sexist or mysogynistic but thats because I hate women so it will probably come across that way, personally, I find subtlety and a bit of innocence far more attractive than the results of the pornification process of the pop industry. Plus I like my women slightly slimmer, more gaunt looking... and it is for this reason that I'm going to leave you with this. Then I'm going to have a wank.


Carpenters - Sing (Japan 74) by Zerenodo