a good start.
In the last 5 years we have said goodbye to Turnmills, the End, the Cross, the Egg, the Sopranos the Shield and the Wire. The last 3 are not nightclubs but TV programmes although I also miss them.
The cover of Fabric 51, mixed by Duke Dumont maybe gave an indication that things weren't going well.
And maybe I was reading too much into that but its still spooky no?
It is at this point, as those developers edge ever closer to a bid that the owners of the Ministry of Sound will accept, as the bell tolls for the london club and as I struggle to come to terms with the fact that Sopranos is finished to this day... that I will A) offer you an alternative list of things to do in London at night... and B) compile a list of other things which were good while they lasted.
I have many memories of Fabric although they are not mine, they are memory implants which I had done at Recal, the people who did Doug Quaid's memory implants.
"But I want to stay in Room 3 DJ Yoda is on in 5 minutes."
Memory implants proved cheaper than spending £20 a week plus travel plus drinks plus drugs but they were effective, I remember clinging to a leather sofa in there whilst fixated on a light fitting after accidentally taking ketamine mistaking it for a gram of asprin. I remember asking Arthur Baker why he was out so late.
Because. I. am. a. DJ. twat.
I remember the Fridays with the Stantons and the Saturdays with Craig Richards. I even remember one sunday when everyone in there was completely gay.
Not that it was a problem, Some of my favourite TV shows have gays in it. Vito in Sopranos, Omar in the Wire and Julien from the Shield, although he got cured in season 3. All in all I probably should have got the secret agent package to Mars, that way I could have said "Dammit Cohagen, give the people the air." It would have been just like that film what was on channel 5 the other night.
So thats the sentimental bit done.
Here are some things you can do in London now that clubbing is officially over...
Nothing to say you can't still get on the night bus, there are all kinds of interesting people out after hours. Just bosh a bomb of MDMA and head to the top deck. Kids are getting on and off with music playing on their mobile phones, so the soundsystem is almost as good as Room 2. The things going on outside could be quite similar to one of those audio visual mash-up nights that occur their from time to time.
Many of the people you will meet will be equally as obnoxious as the coked up fashionistas you get between rooms 1 and 2.
Instead of going out at night, do things during the day. London has buildings, shops and other things to make do and see. And thats about it. Go on busses at night or don't, are my suggestions.
Things that were good while the lasted.
Sopranos. Good show, people still going on about the ending now.
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Don't wan't to spoil it for you but Bruce Willis was a ghost, Brad Pitt was Edward Norton, Kaiser Sose was Kevin Spacey and they all lived happily ever after. And it all just went blank.
The Roman Republic. very nice. people got a say, good democracy and all that shit.
The Roman Empire. Also very nice, lots of expansion and wars and stuff. people didn't get a say, made little difference.
The Soviet Union. Pretty good going for an agrarian backward nation to be a nuclear power in a measley 10 years and have a dog in space in 12. whats the point in having a dog in space you ask? I don't know, maybe aliens like playing fetch. maybe they like eating dogs. Like Koreans.
Like Aliens.
So other than fabric and the things I mentioned, everything else has always and will always be shit, yourselves included, so come to terms with that in your own way.
In the mean time the discerning London clubber will also have to get used to the narrowing of the field in london clubbing, we are reaching the point where old that central/east london area where all the haircut people go, or Equinox in Leicester Square (pronounced lester square) (idiots) are the only colours in the ever decreasing pallet which is London nightlife.
Soon all the shops will close down apart from Tesco's and the government will all eat each other leaving the board of Directors at Tesco's, Tesco's will give us cheaper petrol whilst eating our firstborn, it will be like something out of the bible, or even worse it will be something out of a Katie Price Biography or a Dan Brown book. We will scavenge around looking for publicity while trying to uncover a secret which the church are hiding from us, and its all because of the corporatisation of the UK club scene, because what started out as going out to have a good time, turned into a graph mapping profit and loss and weekly turnover and gross anual income and the rest of the garble corporate bullshit that goes with putting money first.
I know we have to eat but sometimes it is dificult to sympathise.
This Graph states the progress of this blog. And ironically the trajectory of London Clubbing.
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