Manmachine201 fights fire with fire.

There are some phrases which I dont think sit well with modern society. "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones". Why not? Why would someone be inside a house made of glass? surely its far more practical to have a house made of Bricks & mortar. after all anyone could see you whenever you wanted a crafty tug or even just to take a shit in the bathroom which is made totally of glass. In general their could be worse things to be made of glass than a house, although I personally wouldn't want to live in a glass house.



The Blondie song Heart of glass was written after Debborah Harry chanced across a newspaper artical about a woman awaiting a heart transplant. When she was admitted to hospital she was accidentally fitted with a greenhouse instead of a heart and as if that wasn't bad enough there was a man inside the greenhouse throwing stones. This is a key point as to why you shouldn't throw stones inside a glass house.




A few years ago, I used to deep fry chips in my own kitchen because of a mental illness which left me thinking I worked in a kebab shop. It was not uncommon for me to ask people if they wanted chilli sauce with things and put mayonaise on newspapers, into envelopes and on peoples cars even though they never asked me to. This culminated in a chip pan fire in my kitchen, to make matters worse I was only 7 years old and didn't have the key skills in aggressive firefighting, so thinking quickly on my feet, I grabbed a book of sayings and proverbs, because with the help of the wisdom of people past I felt that I would be more than a match for the fire. So I found the proverbs relating to fires...



No smoke without fire, but occaisionally choirboys with glowing eyes.

Fire is never a gentle master was the next phrase I came across, which was interesting but at the same time my kitchen was burning down and I'd used up all my chilli sauce and mayonaise trying to extinguish the flames. On to the next one.

Fire and gunpowder do not sleep together. Again, nice but time was pressing and the flames had reached the curtains and were beginning to engulf the entire wall.



Fuck! I told myself whilst looking for a jalapino pepper and some tomatos to throw at the fire in a last ditch attempt to extinguish it...after all it would only end up on the pavement like any other salad that goes into a kebab at 11.30 pm on a saturday night. How many more phrases involve fire?

Fight fire with fire. http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/fight-fire-with-fire.html

Thats it, there it is! The only surefire way (no pun intended) to put out a chip pan fire is to set it on fire.

When under attack, one must use more extreme methods to fight off the attack, and what is more extreme than fighting fire with fire? It failed and I died.



Did I mention I was in a band?

Fortunately I was reincarnated as a person with an internet connection so I was able to blog about it some years later.

These days whenever I encounter a chip fat fire, I simly cover the flame with a damp cloth to starve the fire of oxygen, which is a method I learned in a fire training exercise. The crux of this training is that fire needs 3 things to thrive. fuel, oxygen & heat.



Heat is a magazine that provides us with a weekly guide to fat celebrities followed by a guide to skinny celebs the following week. You'd think that this wasn't a key factor in the cause of fires but whenever I accidentally pick up this magazine I end up setting myself on fire because I find the pain of 3rd degree burns to be a welcome distraction from the tripe that infiltrates my cerebral cortex whenever I read this magazine.

Key information you learn from this journal is that Lindsay Lohan is mad. Britney Spears is mad, and that Dermot O'leary was spotted shopping for socks in Primark in Bond Street last wednesday. Why do people care? probably because it is a welcome distraction for people who have an otherwise empty life. And to be fair it is probably more useful to know these things than it is to know old proverbs and phrases off by heart.

Although some phrases still remain useful to this day.

"Don't put your hands in the oven, or you will end up with cooked hands."

"Don't travel on public transport at the weekend unless you really have to because most of the london underground tends to engage in essential maintinence work during this time."

Travelling on the London Underground can be a struggle at the best of times. Humans become different creatures altogether when they encounter a train journey, a fight for the empty seat, the body odour, the one playing their MP3 player too loudly listening to 'sounds of the underground' by girls aloud. It is however nice to see someone pressing the pointless 'open' button when a train stops in front of them so you can think to yourself 'twat'.



Occaisionally you'll curse because someone stands to the left on an esculator and not on the right, not because they want your journey to take that little bit longer, but because they don't know the rules. Not reading the signs because they are going through a traumatic experience which they probably pay about £1200 a year to do because they have no other option.

That sounds like the actions of the meak, and according to the proverb book I used to fight my first chip pan fire. 'The meak shall inherit the earth.'