Manmachine201's uneasy guide to the noughties.

I was sitting alone in my bedsit crying because my life hasn't evolved the other day when I chanced across an Arthur C Clarke novel. Clarke was a legend in Sri Lanka, a place where he made his home. He probably wasn't a paedophile although rumours have circulated, mainly because I started them several years ago just after he died. His most famous book was 2001 a space Odyssey. The term Odyssey echoes the homeric epic the Odyssey, which centres on Odysseus and his journey home after the Trojan wars and his tangles with the greek gods on route.



Odysseus was often dipicted on plates and bowls in ancient athens... much like the tragic Princess Diana is today.




This is an apt time to be talking about the Olympian gods because according to adverts on TV they used to hold lavish parties on Mount Olympus and would often feed each other an ancient delacasy made of chocolate and possibly sawdust. This food of the gods is known as Ferero Rocher.



Greek gods feeding on Rocher.

Throughout the 80's rocher was known as something which ambassadors would get out at their lavish parties in erm, ambassador houses, but recently it was decided by an ad agency that an ambassador wasn't grand enough and that it needed to be grander. The Pope, Chris Eubank and the President of the United States were all considered but the pope refused to be in an advert for religious reasons and Eubank and the President were found to be black and therefore would probably alienate much of the demographic they were trying attract as well as being not classy enough... So Greek gods it is then.



Ironically they were Princess Diana's favourite chocolate and James Hewitt used them to seduce her, as did Prince Charles, Bryan Adams and Will Carling. All of these people did so in the 90's.



The 90s was an interesting decade which transpired just before the noughties, which end next week. (All this from crying and wanking whilst spotting the sequal to 2001 Space Odyssey on my book shelf... I was crying partly because 2010 isn't as good as 2001, and also because princess Diana died, because after all these years, I still find it very sad.)



:(

Diana's death was a major event that finished off the 90s. possibly a few years too early as Diana died in 1997 and the 90s didn't finish for a further 2 years 2 months.

However, the following decade brought with it, its own major events and drastically changed the world. The English footballer Gazza Lineker scored a phenominal goal against scotland in... erm Euro 96.



Or was that the 90's?

The Berlin Wall came down effectively ending a standoff between 2 major superpowers which had lasted since the end of the second world war.



hang on... that might have been the 90's too.

And of course, the death of princess Diana. Which caused the year 2000 to start 3 years early.

So none of those things seem to have occured in the noughties although I wish that it did because it would make a lot more sense to me. The fact is, I can barely remember any event that occured in the last decade which has had any effect on our lives...

In fact literally the only thing I can think of is the actress Britanny Murphy dying, partly because it reminded me of the tragic death of Princess Diana (they were alike in so many ways.) and because it is the most recent event that occured which is in the papers.



:(

So yeah, probably something to do with a decade of bingeing and decadance and debortuary, I can't remember a single thing about the noughties, if I tried to name my 3 favourite albums of that decade, I'd end up citing My Bloody Valentine's Loveless, Radiohead's Ok Computer, and probably the Band on the Run by Wings, thats how fucked my brain is. You know why? Fucking Ferero Rocher! It's fine for the greek gods to gouge themselves on these chocolates but mere mortals brains melt if they eat more than 3 (the reason why the smallest packs of rocher you can buy are in a 3 pack and the larger packs are supposed to be shared...) So I guess I'll just hope my brain recovers by the year 2020 so that I can come up with a suitable eulogy for the noughties.

The End.



How did that picture get there?