manmachine201's uneasy guide to physics

The other day, a plummer was around my house fixing my boiler. A part was broken which ignited the gas which in turn heats the water in my house. He showed me the difference between the old and new part. while I was looking at the old part my hands became covered in oil... it suddenly occured to me that Oil is probably, at the moment, the most important commodity in the world. Wars are being fought over it, in the middle east, supplies are drying up, the companys in charge of refining and distributing it seem to have more power than the governments of countries in which the companies are based, like Nigeria Brazil and the middle east, and the cost of it seems to be on an irreversable upwards spiral.



Irreversible.



and the downward spiral, which is the opposite to the upward spiralling price of oil.

After this epiphany I felt empowered. I proceeded to rub the oil all over my cock. This really freaked out the plummer who mistakenly thought that this was some kind of perverse action of a sex maniac lunatic.



Not me.

At the point when I was thinking that this would be an apt introduction to my blog at about 9pm this evening, I was walking past the Greenwich comedy club 'Up the Creek'

http://www.up-the-creek.com/

You may or may not know that Up the Creek is famous for having a clock that goes backwards and fast outside like the 60s TV effect to establish that laughing gas has been taken by a character.

It suddenly occured to me at this point that perhaps the clock wasn't a visual effect at all but in fact time and space were being messed with. After all deep beneath the Swiss, French border is a giant fuck off magnetic race track which has the potential to create a minor black hole. Perhaps this black hole already exists and is slowly but steadily draining the universe of its energy. Round about the same time as the Hadron Collider 'went live' we, collectively as a nation of british people, tuned in on a saturday night to an inane TV show which inexplicably attracted several million viewers called 'Britains got talent'. Similarly 13.7 million years ago millions of partacles were pulled together before being pushed apart in a vast amount of heat before expanding in a vacuum into what is now known as the universe. (or if you believe in creationism 6000 years ago. By God.)



God.

Anyway, I am being sidetracked by God vs Science again, and would like to get off this bus before it leads to its final destination, hell. In the form of fundamentalists calling me a heathen, or worse. I would like to get off at the stop named Susan Boyle. Which I will soon, when we get there... which is now.

Boyle is like a kind of Dustin Hoffman in Rainman type, with Simon Cowell assuming the Tom Cruise role. Cowell puts his gifted fat spastic on the stage and she sings Elaine Paige songs, in the same way Hoffman counted cards. But what is the link between Boyle and the Hadron Collider? we'll come to that later.

Actually, we'll come to that now. I could die at any time and I wouldn't want you to be deprived of this theory as it will probably come to be as influential as the theory or evolution, relativity or the big bang theory itself.

Hadron Collider turned on and apparently broke within a week with a press conference stating this. But did it? I put it to you all that the people in working on the collider lied to us. One of the main workers on the Hadron Project is Brian Cox PHD. Before Cox earned his fellowship and did all that Physics shit, he was the keyboard player in 90s shit dance act D:ream, their most famous song was "things can only get better." and actually they got a lot worse, so he has a track record for lying.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Cox_(physicist)

It is on wiki, so it must be true.

I believe that the Collider was turned on during Susan Boyle's audition causing a black hole to appear where her mouth should be. Because every time she opens her mouth and sings I am totally drained of any energy, which apparently is a key identifier in a black hole...



So as inane as she seems there could easily be a link between science fiction and science fact. in 3 weeks it is 2010, just like the Arthur C Clark book and there could well be a totally new universe forming around the mouth of a fat scottish spinster with learning difficulties. At the beginning it is thought that their was a giant nothingness which is quite dull. A lot like Susan Boyles Singing voice. This said, Subo is definately having a very strange effect on the space around us, and it can't be too long before Scientists start to pick up on this as well. After all every other fucker in the galaxy seems to be talking about her.



The new beginning?