Manmachine201's uneasy guide to 2010

On my way home this evening, I was feeling unusually tense, angered almost but not knowing why, the air was filled with excitement, happiness and hopefulness. Somehow far from drawing me in it made me feel further alienated, as if I was a 17 year old in a friends flat fucked on Marijuana for the first time while all my contemporaries laughed as I tried for about 25 minutes to work out what they were laughing at, whether they were laughing at me, whether my hands belonged to someone else and whether I could ever be in on the joke that everyone else seemed to get except me...

I was on the train as usual. My life seems to be mostly on trains, and when I'm not I dream of them, that they are taking me to a better place where we all laugh together. So, As I got off the train I heard a boisterous booming voice saying "Wheeeeeeey!"
I shuddered, hoping it wasn't aimed at me. again, "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeey!" This time every muscle in my body tensed up and the bile in my stomach rose as my fists clenched. The cry lasted longer this time, by about 3 seconds. I was determined not to turn around as I wanted to avoid confrontation, I am not as people friendly as I often pretend to be but I am not a huge fan of confrontation either. This time as the third yelp came, a hand touched my shoulder and I almost instinctively felt the need to turn and land a punch square on the jaw of the antagonist.

I turned to face the agressor only to find I was in my parents living room and it was actually my gran, drunk on vinager and scotch (her favourite tipple) encouraging me to feel festive.



Vinagar, scotch and a massive bong.

Now of course, none of this happened. My gran died years ago when her arse exploded, as both of you might remember. But it all illustrates the point that New Years eve is not fun... what other time of year would make you fantasize over smashing your own dead gran in the face?



She did wear strange makeup.

So what do we have to look forward to in 2010? The cutty sark relaunches, which will be nice. Obviously it wont be used for what it was originally designed to do. Whcih was to get Tea from China in the quickest possible time... So thats goint to be an ultimately pointless venture. I'm all for burning it down again on the day they unveil it.



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Half of you don't even know what the cutty sark is, you fools!

Actually I'm sorry for typing that. One of my new years resoltions is to not alienate either of the people who read this...

So onto resolutions. Many people choose the new year to change the way they live in the form of a resolution. "eat healthier, excercise more and save for an apple mac", "Quiting bad habits and gathering more money", etc... most of the time people give up on their resolutions by jan 2nd. Which is fair enough, most of them are just rubbish anyway.

But some are heartwarming, such as this one... "I resolve never to fantasize about hitting my dead gran in the face anymore."

How sweet.







Happy new year fuck buckets.