Manmachine201's uneasy guide to managing stress

The other week when I was in Kabul fighting against Al-Quaida insurgents I and a small group of soldiers ended up in a fire fight against fundamentalists. I was covered by an SUV coming under heavy gunfire and had to call for air support, 2 of my compatriots were shot and killed. My first thought was who gave these middle eastern types guns? when I watched Indiana Jones as a child they only had swords, and if they had swords I could just blow their heads clean off. My second thought was that this is a pretty stressful situation. My second thought, was 'this is a pretty stressful situation to be in'.



The above is the face I would have been pulling, had I not been in a life or death situation being fired upon by arabs.

The situation itself, was grave, but reminded me of an even more stressful situation when I was younger having been locked in a basement by father and grandfather Josef Fritzl and I had to watch my father and grandfather rape my sister and mum every night for most of my youth. The whole thing was very stressful.



On a side note, I took this picture to my hairdresser recently and asked that he do my hair just like the man above... why am I barred from my local hairdresser now?

Watching my mother and sister getting raped by my dad and grandfather was a stressful situation but it reminded me of an even more stressful situation a few years earlier. I was in a car with my husband who was the president of the United States of America in an open top motorcade going through texas when suddenly my husband John's brains were all over my lap.



back and to the left.

The whole situation was very stressful. But that situation reminded me of a few years before when I was dictator of the third reich. At the start when I ordered the invasion of poland, france and lots of other countries too numerous to list, it was going okay. Towards the end the whole situation had changed and I was inside a bunker underground, with a door 100 yards to the left were Allied troops and to the right were the Bolshevics. That was pretty stressful.



Stresssssssssssssssssssed!

There are many ways of managing stress. Taking a deep breath, counting to 10, just giving yourself 10 minutes to get your head together, but ultimately you're not really stressed you're just weak.

So next time you're feeling stressed at work remember its all relative to what is actually going on around you, its not real and its certainly not going to get you off work, particularly if you are the President of the United States. or one of Josef Fritzl's progeny, or Hitler. They never got signed off work with stress. Twats.